I studied myself in the hall bathroom mirror. Norma had spared no expense, allowing me to rent a fine black tuxedo, white dress shirt, black cummerbund and bowtie. No less expensive or classy as Shane’s or Merle’s.
When I went downstairs at five to six, Norma was snapping pictures of my brothers. They had a limo waiting out front to take them to pick up their dates. Norma fussed over them, smoothing down their lapels and straightening their bowties. Shane looked like an overdressed scarecrow and Merle’s bulk strained the shoulder seams of his tuxedo jacket. I kept my mouth shut, my mood too good to waste on ill will. I had Josephine waiting for me. I had tonight with her. I’d have all night with her.
I gave myself a shake and ducked into the hallway to wait until the hot flash of lust and desire that ripped through me subsided.
When Norma saw me, she gave a small gasp. Her hand flew up toward her chest, rested a moment against her heart. Then she cleared her throat and her hand dropped, straightening her skirt. She smiled as she approached me and reached to smooth my lapels, the same way she had for my brothers. The small, maternal gesture made my heart full. She smelled like the pot-roast she was cooking for tomorrow night. Her hard, dark eyes were softer as she looked at me.
“You look quite nice,” she said softly.
“Thanks, Ma.” I never called her that. That night I felt like I could.
“Yes. Well.” Norma was intent on brushing invisible lint from my suit. “Have you a corsage for Josephine?”
“Oh shit. I forgot.”
“You said a bad word,” Garrett said. I smiled down at him, ruffled his hair.
Norma went to the kitchen, and came back with a plastic container. Inside was a corsage made of three small white flowers on a bed of delicate green.
“I don’t believe in ruining the girl’s dress with pins on the bodice,” Norma said stiffly, putting the box in my hand. “This goes on her wrist. Do you see?”
“Yes,” I said, my voice threatening to close on me. “I see.”
“Go on, then. Don’t keep her waiting. All of you.” She waved her hand. “Have fun. Don’t stay out too late and don’t get into trouble. And watch the weather. See that you don’t get rained on.”
All this time, Merle and Shane had been staring in slack-jawed dismay at the exchange between their mother and me. Now they headed for the front door. I made to follow them, then stopped and went back to Norma.
I was a good head taller than she was, but her bearing had always made her seem like a giant. We’d all spent our childhood—Garrett too—waiting for her precious affection, like baby birds waiting to be fed by a stingy mother. What she did for me tonight was almost unprecedented. I put my hands on her shoulders and bent to kiss her cheek.
“Thanks, Ma,” I said softly. “For everything.”
A wavering smile flickered over her lips. She waved me away. “You’re going to be late.”
I was already late. I was supposed to get Jo at six o’clock. I pulled out my phone to text her saying I was on my way. Garrett skipped at my heels behind me.
Outside, the sky was a strange yellow color with fingers of dark clouds clawing across it. A sleek black limo was parked at the curb so I was surprised to see and Shane and Merle standing by my truck.
I stopped halfway through my text as a black, ugly feeling took root in my gut.
“You want something?” I said warily.
A sick smile stretched over Shane’s face, looking as proper there as on a corpse. “I don’t want to fight anymore. I feel awful for what I did to your note. You remember your note?”
“I remember,” I said, the old pain flaring and then fading. “Forget it.”
“I wish I could,” Shane said. “I just feel so burnt up about it. It was the only tie you had to your real family. The people who abandoned and dumped you at the fire station.”
I breathed carefully, one hand clenched around my cell phone, the other around the plastic box with Jo’s corsage. The cover bent under the pressure. “Leave it alone, Shane.”
“No, really. I feel terrible for burning up that note. Especially since it was the only thing you had to remind you that you’re not, and never will be, a genuine part of this family.”
My vision was turning a hazy red. Garrett was at my heels like a little puppy, asking what was going on in a high, piping voice. For his sake, and for Jo’s, I fought for calm.
“But good news!” Shane declared. “I found another note! It was the strangest thing. I was looking around the house for a gift to make up for the horrible thing I did, and what do you know? I found this!” Shane held out a crumpled piece of paper folded in half. “Go on, take it. It’s yours.”
Garrett frowned. “What is it?”
Shane ignored him. “Go on,” he said to me. “Take it.”
I stared, riveted.
No. Don’t fucking do it. It’s a lie and you know it.
I broke my gaze away and tried to move past them, rolling my eyes. Merle put his hand on my chest and shoved me back. “Take it,” he said.