Chapter Seventeen
It is all one whether you die of sickness or love.
—Italian proverb
“So what’s the plan?” Shane asked, unease in his voice. “There is a plan, right?”
Everyone had crowded around the island in Jack and Lili’s kitchen as soon as Simon flounced out. Jack crossed his arms, uncrossed them, crossed them again. Jules recognized that look. He was primed to explode.
“We’re going to make sure he never lays a finger on Evan,” Jack said icily.
“Jules, is that what he wants?” Lili asked.
“Why else is he here?” Cara threw out. She sat in an armchair with Evan noodled in the crook of her arm. “I mean, he’s had all this time to make his presence known—”
“He didn’t know about Evan,” Jules said quietly, fire rushing to her cheeks. Not once had she regretted her decision to keep Evan from Simon but she could see how it might look. Jules, the home-wrecker. Jules, the liar. “I had my reasons.”
“You should have told me who it was, Jules,” Jack said so low the whole room felt its chill. “He’s married, with kids and responsibilities.”
“I didn’t know that when we were together,” she said defensively, and then more softly, “It was a bad time for me.”
Cara made a sound of disgust. “What a dick!”
Too late, she realized that Evan could hear that. She made a brief gesture to cover his ears, then waved her hand at the futility of trying to cocoon Evan from the swirl of negativity. The situation sucked. “He’s married and he took advantage of you.”
“He didn’t take advantage of me,” Jules said, thrilled at her sister’s support but needing to make clear the circumstances. “Sure, he deceived me about being married but I was just as responsible for what happened. Two of us made Evan.”
“Well, he’s not going anywhere near him,” Shane said, looking at Jack for confirmation. Her brother nodded curtly, his jaw so tight Jules imagined the softest touch might shatter it.
Tad hadn’t spoken a word or looked at her since he had come to her rescue moments before. From beneath heavy-lidded eyes, he watched not her or Evan, but Jack. Anger rolled off him in waves.
Jack plucked his phone from his jeans pocket and looked at Cara expectantly. “Cara, what’s the name of the lawyer who handled your annulment?”
“What are you doing?” Jules asked.
“Getting a restraining order.”
“Jack,” Lili said soothingly. “You need to let Jules decide.”
Her brother looked exasperated. “This is what you want, isn’t it, Jules? That piece of crap doesn’t get to have any say in how Evan is raised, what he eats, where he goes to school. He doesn’t get anything.”
Jules’s body threatened to shut down. That was true, she didn’t want this man dictating anything about Evan but he could make things so difficult for them. What if he was right and the law was on his side? What if he tried to take Evan away from her? She needed a moment to think, away from the grinding chatter.
“I suppose so.” Looking up, she found Tad staring at her intently. “Tad, what do you think?”
“It’s your decision.” Each word was said with brute force.
“I know, but I’d like your opinion.”
Intensity clenched his handsome face. “I don’t think you do.”
“Tell me.”
“I think he’s the father of your kid and he has every right to see him.”
The quietness in his voice was harshness of a kind. She just stared as the dissenting voices washed over her.
“Even after how he treated me.”
“Lots of guys are a*sholes, but that doesn’t mean they should be denied the opportunity to see their own kid. Especially when they weren’t in the loop.” The rebuke in his tone was unmistakable.
“So I should have told him?” Had she not been clear about what a jackass he was? She hadn’t shared the uglier details but Tad knew enough to understand how broken Simon had left her.
“You didn’t tell him and you can’t change that, but you can make it right now.”
He stared at her in a way that completely unnerved her. It felt like it was just the two of them, locked together in this battle of wills. All the competing voices faded out as Tad’s flinty eyes bored into her.
“Make it right? Why is it up to me to make it right? He dumped me like rubbish.” She knew in her bones what Simon’s reaction to the news of her pregnancy would have been, especially in the light of his marital situation. Get rid of it, Jules. That’s what he would have told her.
“This isn’t about who you were back then or what he did. This is about what’s best for Evan.”
Jack was livid, his color roaring high. “And a guy who cheats on his pregnant wife… this scum deserves to have the red carpet rolled out and welcomed into this family? Over my dead body. And anyone who thinks different knows where to take his opinion.”
“Jack,” Lili warned. “Jules asked him. He’s entitled to his say.”
“And I’m entitled to decide who I welcome into my home.”
Tad shot up, ignoring the hostility arrowing from Jack’s direction. He walked to the door, turning when he got there. “You might not like it, Jules, but blood should out here. And I don’t mean Jack.”
She jumped up and followed him, shutting the door behind her to give them privacy.
“So I should forgive him?” The slow, sick spin in her stomach took her back to that office and Simon’s casual dismissal of her. She had known that telling him about the baby would have made no difference, not when he was trying so hard to reconcile with his wife. Why couldn’t her friend, the man who knew her inside and out, understand that?
He cupped her face in his big hands, sending warmth flooding through her. She hadn’t realized how cold she was until he touched her.
“Some things are unforgivable, Jules. Decisions are made that can’t be undone. Believe me, I know.” The hollowness in his eyes ripped through her. “But it doesn’t have to be that way here. Only you can decide where your line is, but I think you know what’s right.”
Tears stung her eyelids and clotted her throat. She could barely get the next words out. “I thought you cared about me. About Evan. How could you want this?”
His hands fell away from her face.
“I don’t want this. I’m crazy about you and Evan—don’t ever think I’m not—but if someone tried to keep me from my kid, I would do everything in my power to change that. He hurt you and now you want to hurt him. I get that, but you said you’re not a victim, that you take responsibility for all the choices you’ve made. The good and the bad. You can’t let Jack or anyone else decide this. It’s too important.”
He sounded just like Simon, albeit in Tad’s clear, commonsense way. It didn’t make it any more palatable. What happened to this special connection they had? What happened to being in each other’s gut?
“I need you to be on my side here, Tad. I need you to be my friend.”
“I’ll always be your friend, but this isn’t about sides. It’s about Evan. It’s about stepping up.”
On that, he left while the wave of voices rose behind her to fill the void.
* * *
Tad usually enjoyed the morning quiet of an empty restaurant, whether it was DeLuca’s or Vivi’s. But this morning, his thoughts bounced around his skull, duking it out and making a whole lot of noise.
He had gone three days without talking to Jules, probably the longest stretch since he’d known her. It just seemed easier to give her some space while she figured out what was best for her and Evan, but it killed him not to talk to her. Soothe her through this tough time. Hold her like she was his.
It would have been so easy to jump on board that bandwagon of hate with Jack at the helm. Do the clan thing and vow to protect. Well, he’d never been very good at the family business and his latest actions just went to prove that.
No way would he be party to a plan to cut some guy out of his kid’s life. St. James might be a jerk but he was Evan’s father and that had to count for something. Tad knew all about the perils of poor decision-making. To make the man pay for that by denying him a chance to see his son? That didn’t sit so well with him.
He clicked through some spreadsheets on the laptop and assessed what he saw. Numbers for Vivi’s were good and he might even be able to talk to the bank about that mortgage to buy out his sister. The only reason he wasn’t breaking out the Prosecco was found in the e-mail he’d received fifteen minutes ago.
Tasty Chicago had blown Vivi’s back to the Stone Age. The latest issue hadn’t hit the newsstands yet, but Tad knew someone at their offices who had slipped him a copy of the review. If pressed, he could have recited it word for word.
No different than any hip establishment in the by now passé Wicker Park neighborhood, Vivi’s does what one would never expect from a bar brought to you by Taddeo DeLuca, famous purveyor of the Bourbon Bomb and the Ab-alicious Gimlet, two of the top cocktails on last year’s Chicago Mixologists List: it makes wine boring. The bar has all the usual trappings—a young staff that prance about like they’re on the catwalk, decor straight out of Pan-Asian Home & Gardens, and a passable list—but without the in-house knowledge to determine Greek from German (they still make maps, don’t they?), this oenophile was left with a sour, funky taste in her mouth. On my first visit, I tried and failed to enjoy the nostalgia of been there-done that-got the t-shirt. On the second, I had barely a moment to consider the menu before the owner’s divo-esque behavior signaled a premature end to my meal. Mr. DeLuca may be banking on his much-vaunted social media popularity and his connections with a certain celebrity chef to keep him afloat but true wine lovers will want to go elsewhere. The bar’s one saving grace? The flavorful red pepper, caramelized onion, and cilantro appetizer prepared by Derry Jones, on loan from Jack Kilroy’s bizarrely successful joint, Sarriette. Unfortunately, Mr. DeLuca can’t rely on borrowed chefs and the Kilroy name to turn this stinker into a winner.
The appetizer didn’t even belong to Derry; it was Jules’s all the way. And Monica was relatively kind about the rude owner, so that was a bonus. It would go out tomorrow. How fitting—the day he had planned to lay low and sink lower. The anniversary of his parents’ death.
At the sound of footsteps, he turned to find Jack swaggering in from the street, his expression grim. He took a seat at the bar and lay this week’s issue of Tasty Chicago on the glowing wood. Must have his own connection.
“I’ve already seen it.”
“I thought you were good at this. Working your charm. Keeping the fairer sex happy.”
“She didn’t get the experience she expected. Not everyone is going to leave satisfied.” Tad folded his arms across his chest, knowing the move gave off defensive but not caring one whit. “Why don’t you say what you really want to say? Isn’t this the ‘what are your intentions toward my sister’ talk?”
Jack inhaled deep. “She’s never had the best taste in men.”
“And you’ve never liked me.”
“I’ve liked you just fine, Tad. But when it comes to my sister, you’ve never given me any reason to think you’re a good bet. You make her laugh and she gets all doe-eyed when she looks at you, but being there for her? I don’t see it. You had a chance to step up and protect her. Instead you take the side of the guy who f*cked her over. What was that?”
Blood raged beneath Tad’s skin. “You know it’s the right thing to do.”
“Right doesn’t mean best. That guy has already abandoned his wife and kids, and now he’s looking for a substitute to make him feel like his balls are still intact. Once he gets bored, he’ll be gone. Or maybe he’ll show up every few years, confusing the hell out of Evan. You really think that’s for the best?”
“We don’t know what the future is going to hold, Jack. All I know is that Jules needed to make that decision on her own without you and Cara and Shane coming down on her like a brickhouse. Yeah, maybe he’ll be a sucktacular father, but he needs to be given the chance to get it right.”
Jack scowled. “So is Jules your shot at getting it right? You’ve spent years screwing anything that moves and now you’re looking for the one thing—the one person—that’ll make you feel better about yourself.”
That struck hard. If Tad didn’t know better he would think Jack knew the ugly truth, but while the man had many faults, deliberate cruelty wasn’t one of them. Vivi’s walls, glass, stone, and wood, pressed in on him.
He plastered on a grin. So what if it hurt to do it.
“We’re men, Jack. We’re never good enough for the women we want. Isn’t that the standard viewpoint?”
Back in the day, Tad had been skeptical about Jack’s interest in Lili until the first time they had talked, right after a very public kiss between the newly minted couple went video viral and catapulted their relationship into the online hate-asphere. Just one conversation with Jack had been all it took to see the man had fallen ass-over-nuts for Lili. That Jack wasn’t astute enough to give Tad the benefit of the doubt really got on his tits.
Jack’s expression remained unmoved. “I’m not going to be so heavy-handed as to tell you to stay away from her, but as you’re such a fan of what’s right then you’ll put your money where your mouth is.”
Jules needed someone… anyone who could give her a hundred per cent. Meaning anyone but Tad. What man is worthy of the woman he’s crazy about? It’s like universal man-law.
Thou shalt not be in the league of the woman you want with every breath of your raggedy ass self.
Maybe he had been wrong to encourage her to make up with St. James. The guy was a Grade A douche and yeah, he was probably bad news but no one knew better than Tad the pain of wanting that second chance. Needing someone to see the potential and the possibility. He was being kinder to St. James than he was to himself.
Jack tilted his head, waiting for Tad to agree with him.
Fight for her. Tell everyone she’s yours.
But she wasn’t and she never could be. She had made it clear that finding a way past his wham-bam ways was a bridge too far and now with this St. James business, he might have screwed up their friendship forever.
“You don’t have to worry about me, Jack. Your perfect family won’t be contaminated.” Hell, he was tempted to wink.
Jack’s mouth pulled at the corners. Ah, don’t say his Lordship felt bad.
“It’s not personal. It’s about Jules,” he said, less belligerently now. Easy to cop that attitude when you’ve won. “After what she’s been through, I just have to look out for her. You understand?”
There were a million things Tad could have countered with, starting with how Jack’s neglect was part of the reason why she had gone through a shitty time in the first place and ending with how he had thrown her at St. James like a sheep to the slaughter. But it was easier to check out of the conversation and easy was his default setting. His mind was already walking—taking the simplest road to the front door, the street, the rest of his miserable life.
There was a bottle of scotch with his name on it back at his parents’ house and a couple of days’ shore leave to get through it.
“Got it.”