Feeling dizzy and just a little sick to her stomach, she gripped the edge of the mattress for support.
It was Vernon all over again. Telling her he loved her, then expecting her to drop everything and move with him, because his career was more important.
The same fear and devastation washed over her, but this time it was so much worse.
She loved him, loved him more than she’d ever loved another man. She’d fought it for so long, but she’d had such joy when she’d given in. She’d fallen heart first into this with Trick, given him her trust, and now he’d pulled the rug right out from under her.
How could she have been so stupid?
Tears pricked her eyes, one falling down her cheek. She brushed it away.
No. No.
She wasn’t going to do this again, wasn’t going to go through a “If you love me you’ll go with me and give up everything that means the world to you” conversation.
It wasn’t going to happen. This time, she was going to be the one to walk away first. She was stronger than the last time. She wasn’t going to beg and plead for a man’s love, for him to see reason.
She had a wonderful career, and stood on the precipice of something magical right now. This was where she belonged. And if he couldn’t see that, if he didn’t love her enough to see that her career mattered, too, then too bad for him.
She finished getting dressed, and paced the living room, letting anger take over the hurt. She had downed the last of her coffee by the time Trick came out of the bedroom.
“Coffee smells good,” he said, and came over to press a kiss to the back of her neck while she was standing over the sink rinsing her cup.
She quickly pulled away, leaning down to put her coffee cup in the dishwasher. “I’ll make you a cup of coffee.”
“I can do that.”
She moved some distance from him while he brewed his cup, her arms wrapped around herself as she watched him. His hair was still damp from his shower, the ends curling around his neck, making her want to touch him, to breathe in his scent.
No matter how angry she was with him, she still loved him. And that hurt most of all.
“So, I was thinking,” he said as he leaned against the kitchen counter. “We should talk about you moving in here.”
He had a sexy half-smile on his face that destroyed her.
“You know, since your apartment is so cold in the winter, and my place is actually convenient to you getting to work and all. What do you think?”
Last night and earlier this morning she would have thought it was a great idea. Now it just dug the knife in deeper.
“I’ve been thinking, too.”
His smile broadened. “Have you?”
“Yes. I’ve been thinking that we rushed into this whole love-and-togetherness thing. Or at least I did. I’m not ready for it. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for it.”
His smile died. “What? What’s wrong?” He set his cup down and started toward her. She put her hand out to stop him.
“I don’t want this, Trick. You and I were fun, but I think it’s time we end it.”
“What are you talking about? Last night you loved me, and now it’s over? Come on, babe. Talk to me.”
She gave him a careless shrug, needing to hurt him like he’d hurt her. “It’s just me. I tried, but I’m not a relationship type of woman. I like my freedom, and after thinking it over, any kind of commitment feels choking to me. Sorry.”
“Sorry? That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say? What the hell, Stella?” He dragged his fingers through his hair and she saw the hurt and confusion on his face as he paced back and forth. It killed her inside, knowing she put it there, but self-preservation was more important. Besides, had he been thinking of her when he’d made plans to move to Detroit? No. So she had to put herself first. She had to get away from him and move on.
“Yeah. That’s all I’m going to say. I know this hurts for both of us, but trust me, you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want the same things you do.”
He gave her a look like he didn’t believe her. “Talk to me.”
She shook her head, so afraid she was going to cry she couldn’t say anything.
“I don’t understand all this, Stella. I don’t get this sudden turnaround. Are you sure something didn’t happen to change your mind?”
“No. Nothing happened. I’m just being true to myself and who I am. And now I need to go before this gets more painful for both of us.”
The hurt on his face was replaced by anger. “This is so much bullshit, Stella. I know it and you know it. You don’t tell me you love me one minute and walk away the next.”
She lifted her chin. “I said I was sorry.”
“And that makes it okay? It doesn’t. We need to talk this out. There’s something you’re not telling me.”
“No, we don’t need to talk, because there’s nothing to say. I have nothing to tell you.” Nothing he could say that could make her stay.