“Lexie?”
I looked up into Caine’s troubled gaze and realized something. Caine had just told me the last thing I wanted to hear … If it had been anyone else, if they had kept this from me and then blurted it out in a moment when I was vulnerable, I might have held it against them. But not Caine. In fact, my concern was not only for myself but for him too, and that was when I realized that what I felt for him was real. “You must hate them so much.”
“Hate is giving them too much power.”
In that moment his strength washed over me, and the hurt, the pain I was feeling at his revelation was diminished a little by the fact that he was here with me, and the look in his eyes was tender. “You’re the one real thing in my life right now,” I said upon the sudden realization. “You should know I don’t want to let that go.”
He brushed the tips of his fingers across my cheek and said, “I’m not the guy you’re looking for, Lexie. I’m never going to be that guy.”
That hope I was feeling unhooked itself from my chest and plummeted into my stomach, causing a flurry of nervous ripples in it. “What are you saying?”
Regret clouded his gaze. “You’re looking for something special even if you won’t admit it. And me? I can’t compromise, I can’t change, and I can’t do forever. It’s just not in me.” He caressed my arm with his knuckles and there was the heated purr of a growl in the back of his throat as he continued. “But I don’t want this to end just yet either. We like each other. We want each other.”
I looked up at him, surprised. I’d thought we were about to discuss my departure from his life, not—
“And the sex is …” He grinned wickedly. “I don’t know about you, but I’d really like to explore that some more.”
My body tingled just at the thought of it, but I didn’t know how to respond. I already knew I was emotionally invested in Caine. Sex wouldn’t be enough for me. Would it?
“I’m selfish enough to ask for more time with you, Alexa. We could enjoy this together for however long it’s good, and then we would walk away when it was time to end it—no harm, no foul.”
Looking up into his handsome face, I wondered how on earth I was supposed to respond to such a suggestion. As Caine looked at me I caught the warmth in his gaze while he waited for my answer. He’d never looked at me that way before. There was something in that look. Something … more.
No.
It was a dangerous idea.
Yet … wasn’t it worth a try?
The worst could happen, of course. I could fall for him and he could still want to walk away from me at the end of it all.
But Effie said Caine needed a woman who was bullheaded and persistent. I had no hope of changing how he felt about me, about us, if I wasn’t there to do it. He said he was selfish, but I’d seen another side of him with Effie. Caine could be a sweet, good guy. He just didn’t realize it.
I felt guilty before I even opened my mouth because I knew I was about to agree to have an affair when the truth was I was angling for more.
“Okay.” I gave him a tremulous smile that strengthened under his answering grin.
And as he kissed me I tried to quiet my guilt. After all, my little white lie was told for the greater good. It would all work out in the end if Caine and I both found the happiness we were searching for.
Or so I hoped.
One minute we were kissing and then the next Caine was up and out of bed getting dressed.
I leaned up on my elbows, watching the muscles in his arms flex as he pulled on his pants. He looked over at me as he reached for his shirt. Obviously noting the confusion on my face, he explained, “We have a flight to catch. I need to shower.”
Right. “So do I.” I watched in disappointment as he buttoned up the shirt, hiding his gorgeous abs from me. “We could shower together, save us some time.”
He threw me a look. “Somehow I think we won’t save time doing that.”
I smiled at the thought. “Yeah, probably not.” Heaving a sigh, I swung my legs out of bed. “Fine. I’ll meet you in the lobby in an hour.”
Caine nodded, grabbed his jacket, and started toward the door.
I stared after him, more than a little nonplussed that he was leaving without giving me a kiss. Of course, I’d just agreed to a no-strings-attached affair with him, so I guessed I shouldn’t hold out for silly little important things like affection.
Not that Caine struck me as the type. And I’d bet all my money he wasn’t into PDA either.
Suddenly a thought crossed my mind. “Caine.”
His hand was on the door when he glanced back at me. “Yes?”
“Maybe we should keep what’s happening here between us a secret.”
He frowned. “Why?”
“Because you’re not exactly low profile and I don’t want anyone in Boston to find out who I am, because then the rest of the Hollands will find out who I am. I don’t want that.”
“Don’t you mean your grandfather doesn’t want that?”
I flinched at the mention of Grandpa. I knew, after Caine’s revelation about him, that I shouldn’t care, but it wasn’t so easy. I couldn’t just flip off my emotions. Only fifteen minutes ago I’d loved and trusted Edward Holland. I was gutted, shocked by the truth about him, but I was also confused as to how I was supposed to feel about him now. I lowered my gaze and shrugged. “Same thing.”
“Is it?”
I got off the bed and reached for the robe that was draped over the nearby chair. Caine watched me with great interest as I pulled it on to cover my nakedness. “Look,” I said, “I don’t know what to do about my grandfather now, but I do know I don’t want anything to do with the rest of the family. If that means keeping who I am a secret, then fine. Can you just do this for me?”
He contemplated the request for a moment and then gave me a sharp nod. “Fine. We’ll keep it a secret.”