Helga: Out of Hedgelands (Wood Cow Chronicles #1)

Roolo suddenly leaped in the keelboat and rummaging frantically, bent down low, seemed to pop something in his mouth, and stood up obviously struggling to swallow something large. Actually, there appeared to be two large objects bulging in his throat, one following the other. Working this mouth and throat, almost gagging and choking, eyes watering with the effort—finally, just as his face began to turn purple and his eyes bugged out, the amazed beasts saw the large objects that had been bulging in his throat slide down and disappear into his gut!

“Mercy me, mates,” Roolo gasped, drawing in a great gulp of air. “The Royal Eyeballs were harder to swallow than I expected!” Taking another deep breath, he continued, “But, if it’s riches ya want,” Roolo scowled, “that’ll show ya that there’s more riches than you’ll ever want. The Royal Eyeballs I just swallowed are immense, perfectly round diamonds. They are among the largest diamonds in the world, and because of their perfection and the fact each has a blue spot making them look like eyeballs, they are priceless beyond value. Priceless, that is, except to those who want to possess them! Now, I ask ya—how much would the Royal Eyeballs be worth to a fine beast such as yourself?”

Watching Sabre Tusk nearly drooling at the prospect, Roolo continued in a threatening tone, “But unless you treat us all fair and square, we’ll never spit a word o’ any riches in your direction.” Indicating Breister and the others, Roolo continued, “When we met up with these rogues, we didn’t trust them and thought at first they might be bandits. So, we hid the Royal Eyeballs—now I’ve swallowed them and that should furl your sails a bit! But, treat us square and you’ll get the Royal Eyeballs soon enough, and what you just saw is my promise I know where there are even richer prizes!” Roolo made this declaration with such convincing passion that even Breister wondered if the statement might be true.

“So you see the bargain we offer,” Breister said coolly.

“We are Beasts of Fortune, but not warriors like yourself. We wish to trade you knowledge of immense riches, for the best of what you have right now—a game of chance is what we offer. Are you bold enough to go for great wealth, or only scrabbling after coins in the endless chase for slaves?”

“Riches are, as riches be,” Sabre Tusk replied. “What riches do you speak of?”

Bomper, always able to come up with a good story, rose to the challenge. Giving the Rummer a sly look, he said, “What riches, you ask? How about an immense cargo of the rarest snakeskins, bolts of fine embroidered leather, cases of the finest bamboo lace, crates of Crabbee spices and Peskee teas, besides gold and jewels enough to buy several Norder Estates. Not to mention plenty of Slug Beer and Fur-Blaze Sauce to keep your crew happy for a long while—all tucked nicely away, as we knows.”

“One fool only I’ll deal with—this is between you and me,” Sabre Tusk snapped at Roolo darkly. “Why should I give a moment’s thought to these lying beasts or that witless bug buzzing away beside you? They’re hardly Beasts of Fortune, no matter what they claim—let’s see, for a leader we have barkskin overalls and worker-beast boots, a fearful hammer and saw at the belt, and a twinkle in the eye—Bah! Hardly stuff to raise up worry. Seems to me, I buy you off, you tell me where the riches are, and I take the rest for slaves! Or, you don’t like that deal and I just split you open stem to stern and take the Royal Eyeballs and call it good enough.”

“Nay!” Roolo said angrily. “Talk that way, you’ll never win the grandest prize of all—and you, being the greatest freebooter of them all, would not settle like that—and on that point, I’ll stake my wager.”

“These beasts are our friends now,” Bomper added. “We protect our mates—you treat them as you treat us, or no deal.”

“Curse your impudence!” Sabre Tusk snarled. “You’re rascals and that’s for certain.” But the Rummer Boar also stroked his moustache thoughtfully, then stepped forward and squinted at Roolo, then Bomper.

“A trallé for the two of you,” Sabre Tusk said, “but nothing for those other bilge-swilling liars—they live to be fools yet another day, but no charity from me.”

“Not today!” Breister challenged. “We are Beasts of Fortune, like yourself. Leave us out of gettin’ and we might not play nice any longer—it’s not the hammers and saws you have to fear, but this!” He picked up a long staff lying at his feet and held it threateningly. “To be fair, I need to even the odds a bit—as a Beast of Fortune yourself, you’ll understand the rules of this business. You force my hand and I’ll use this flicker pole against you.”

“Oh, my—save me from such a fate,” Sabre Tusk roared. “He’s got a wooden pole and he’s going to use it against us!” Looking around at his men, he said, “Show this idiot what we will answer his mighty pole with, lads!” Instantly, drawn swords, dirks, razor-edged boomerangs, and battle-axes appeared on every side.

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