“Kia, we don’t know –”
“You fuck me, you fuck him and I can’t have that for you. I can’t do that to you. So I can’t have you.”
His face changed, like an understanding, it washed over his features leaving a beautiful warmth in its wake but it didn’t penetrate even when he whispered, “Baby, that’s crazy.”
“He contaminated me and he can’t contaminate you.”
“We don’t know that.”
“We know.”
His head cocked to the side. “You know?”
“I don’t know how many women he’s been with. It could be dozens. But it doesn’t matter.” I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter.” He melted as the tears filled my eyes because it hit me and when it hit me it crushed me. “He’s already contaminated me.”
The weight of this knowledge was so heavy, my legs gave out but I didn’t hit the floor. Sam caught me in his arms, I was up then we were both down on the bed, Sam cradling me and I burrowed closer, sobbing into his chest.
“That’s right, honey, get that shit out,” Sam murmured into the top of my hair and my body bucked with another sob.
He cradled me closer and held me for a long time because I cried for a long time. Then finally, the tears came slower and I lay in his arms, held close, tight and sniffling.
“Took it too fast, movin’ on you, takin’ you to bed. Fucked up, mentioning that shit to you,” he muttered like he was talking to himself, his hand moving soothingly on my back.
I lifted my hand, dragged my fingers across my cheek, stared at his shirt and mumbled, “You should really go.”
His hand stopped moving and both arms closed around me as he asked, “What?”
“You should go.”
“Where?”
“Away from me.”
“Kia –”
I sucked in breath, lifted my head and looked at him. “I’m… you were right. He broke me and you need –”
“I know what I need, baby, you don’t. Don’t tell me what I need. Only I know.”
“Well I know it isn’t me.”
He held my eyes. Then he grinned.
Then he said gently, “Last night, I was pissed and losin’ it. That woman, rude. Takin’ our time then up in my space. She kept talkin’, I woulda said something that woulda made her kid not like me so fuckin’ much. You moved right in, sorted it out, got them what they wanted and us on our way. Been in that position too many times, Kia. Not one woman standing by my side has felt my patience go and stepped in for me. Not one woman… except you.”
I stared at him, stunned at this news. I mean, his hand got so tight in mine, how could his other women not know and, well, do something?
“Really?” I asked.
“Really,” he answered then went on quietly. “You wore those shoes you’re wearin’ now the first time I saw you.”
I felt my lips part.
He remembered.
Holy cow. He remembered my shoes.
Sam’s eyes went to my mouth and he muttered, “She gets it.”
“Sam –” I started but he immediately talked over me.
“Silver shoes the second time I saw you, blue dress.”
I closed my eyes.
I knew what he was saying.
He remembered everything about me.
“Gold when you went out with me.”
I opened my eyes and felt tears filling them again as he kept right on going.
“Your Lake Como bud, Kia, baby, she didn’t tell you about her kid because you remind her of her daughter. She told you about her kid because you remind her of her daughter and you are all she hoped her daughter would grow up to be. Beautiful, funny, friendly, classy. I know why Luci liked you at first, you looked good, pure class but effortless, not a wannabe; you looked like what she thinks would fit me. I don’t know what you did to take it beyond that but whatever it was, you did it. By the time I got to you with the champagne, you had Luci. Not one woman I’ve ever been with that she’s met has had her approval at all so definitely not that soon.”
“But –”
His arms gave me a tight squeeze and he shook his head.
“You did that, Kia, you. You talk about your family and your friends and they’re loyal to you, it’s obvious they love you and you inspire that. That fuckin’ asshole didn’t contaminate you. He was contaminated and I’ll bet he wanted to contaminate you but I know he worked hard at doin’ it. He looked at you, saw how gorgeous you are, how people care about you and he knew, you woke up, you’d see he was the piece of shit he was. So he had to drag you down so you’d never see him for what he was, leave him behind and find what you deserve.”
“But… you and me, when we’re, uh… intimate –”
His arms gave me another squeeze, pulling me up his chest so we were face to face and turning me deeper into him, tangling his long legs with mine.
Then he asked quietly, “All that you just gave me, you haven’t told any of your crew that shit, have you?”
I shook my head.
“Buried it.”
I pressed my lips together and nodded.
“Buried everything, didn’t deal, just thought you could move on.”