CHAPTER FIVE
I decided to go in late to work so I could see Alli off the next day. Heath and Blake were in the living room, talking quietly, catching up. For four people who cared about each other so much, we all had a lot of catching up to do.
I helped Alli pack since she’d lost time staying the night with Heath. I could tell from her frazzled and sleep deprived state that they’d had an intense night. Probably no less intense than the one that Blake and I had shared. She was right about these Landon men keeping us on our toes. Heaven help us both.
But her color was back and her mood was lively again. She struggled to zip up the luggage that always seemed to grow after a visit even though we hadn’t done any shopping. She conquered it and stood back, hands on her hips. I checked the time. We only had a few more minutes before we sent her off to the airport.
“I guess this is it,” I said. I tried not to think about how much time would go by before I saw Alli again.
Tears spilled over onto her cheeks. She pulled me into a tight hug and sniffled into my shoulder. We’d had a great visit, but I knew her tears weren’t all for me.
“It’s going to be okay, I promise.”
“You promise?” She pulled back, holding my hands tightly in her own.
“I promise.” Come back and we can all be together, I thought but swallowed the words. No point in going there. That was her choice to make. She knew she could always come back.
“Heath loves you and I love you.”
“And you love Blake!” She giggled through her tears.
I hugged her again. We separated once Heath popped his head into the bedroom.
“Time to go, babe.”
She gave me a little squeeze and waved goodbye, disappearing through the doorway with Heath.
Blake came up to me as a tear fell down my cheek. Damn it. I would miss that girl. He wiped it away and pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his waist, thankful that at least I’d never have to say goodbye to Blake any time soon. I couldn’t and didn’t want to imagine it, ever.
*
“Are you sure it’s going to fit?”
I waited impatiently as Marie unzipped the garment bag and peeled away the enclosing plastic from the dry cleaners.
“I think so. I had the top taken out a bit.”
I laughed a little as I held a modest arm around my breasts, which had always seemed a little too full for my petite frame. I stood in my bedroom in my underwear as Marie unveiled the dress. The floor-length gown was a rough black silk with a pattern of faded teal velvet embellishments.
I stepped into the dress and Marie zipped me up. The sweetheart top tightened around my chest comfortably. Grateful I wasn’t busting out, I shuffled over to the mirror to see how the rest of the dress fit. The mermaid cut gown hugged my waist and hips perfectly, and the large swaths of the vintage fabric flowed out at my knees.
Marie stepped beside me, almost a head taller and looking as vibrant and gorgeous as ever. She’d been my mother’s best friend, but over time she’d truly become one of mine as well. Sometimes she was the mother I needed, other times just a friend I could talk to about things I couldn’t imagine talking to my mother about. Times like these though, she looked at me the way my mother would have. Her eyes clouded a bit as we admired the beautiful gown together.
“Sometimes I forget how much you look like her.”
I smiled and swallowed back tears. Now that I knew my father, I could appreciate a little more how closely my features favored my late mother’s. We shared the same blond locks and fair skin, but my father’s eyes stared back at me.
I tensed suddenly at the thought of seeing him tonight. Nothing about that relationship was simple.
“Well, she had incredible taste.”
Her eyebrows rose slightly. “Actually, Daniel bought this for her. She wore it to our senior ball.”
“But she left it with you.”
“She left a few things, out of convenience I suppose. Told me to donate them. But this was too beautiful not to keep. I’m so glad I did. Look at you.” She slid her hands down my upper arms and gave them a little squeeze.
“It’s perfect.” I ran my hands over the fabric, loving the mix of soft and rough textures, from the velvet to the silk. The dress fit me so well. Somehow my mother had managed to give me a truly beautiful gift without even knowing it.
Before I could get emotional again, the door buzzed in the kitchen. I shuffled out of the bedroom to answer it. A few seconds later I let in the courier. He was holding a pink box with a black sheer bow. His eyebrows rose as he examined my too-formal-for-midday outfit.
“Sorry, wardrobe change,” I joked nervously.
“No apologies needed.” He gave me an obvious once-over before fishing a piece of paper out of his pocket. “Um, I just need you to sign for this.”
I scribbled my signature and took the box. I shut the door behind him and set the box on the table, eager to open it. I retrieved the tiny card tied to the bow and read it.
Erica,
Spoil me and wear this tonight.
Love, B
My heart sank a little. Shit, what if he’d bought me a dress? I couldn’t part with this gown. The gala was still hours away but I already didn’t want to take it off.
Reluctantly, I tugged the edge of the bow and pushed away the layers of pink tissue paper until I reached a pile of delicately folded black lace garments. I took out a strapless bra with matching panties and lace topped silk stockings. The man had expensive taste, and lingerie was no exception.
Marie came up behind me and let out a whistle.
“Okay, that’s my cue. My work here is done.”
Suddenly embarrassed, I dropped the garments back into the box.
“You’re officially my formal attire savior. Thank you so much, Marie.”
“Anytime, baby girl. I’m glad I could help. Please take pictures! Oh—actually on that note. I forgot to tell you that Richard will be there with a photographer who’s covering the event. Maybe he’ll give you a plug in his piece.”
“Awesome, I’ll keep an eye out for him.”
“He’s tall, dark, and unwilling to commit. You can’t miss him.”
I laughed.
“Seriously though, he’s seen photos of you all over my apartment, so I’m sure he’ll introduce himself at some point.”
“Got it. I’ll be on the lookout.”
She gave me a quick kiss and headed out, leaving me alone with nothing but the overwhelming anticipation of the night to come.
*
I’d slipped on the lingerie that Blake had given me and did a little spin in front of the mirror, assessing myself. My hair was pinned up, and loose curls framed my face. I wore diamond studs that had been my mother’s and matched the diamond bangles that Blake had given to me.
What a lucky girl I am, I thought, giddy with anticipation. But trying to network with all this sexual anticipation was going to be interesting for sure.
Alli had taken off for New York already and Heath was now staying with Blake. Maybe that was a good thing. He’d mentioned props recently, and the thought of being subjected to his arsenal of dominating toys intimidated me a little. We could do enough with our bodies alone. Surely we didn’t need help.
Just then, Blake’s silhouette filled the doorway. My breath caught as I sized him up. The green in his eyes glowed against the stark black and white of his perfectly tailored tuxedo.
I watched his reflection as he walked slowly toward me, drinking me in from the back.
“You’re early.”
He stopped behind me, catching my gaze in the mirror. “I may have underestimated how tempting you would be in this little getup. Those panties do fantastic things for your ass.”
“Serves you right,” I teased, taking a step back so I could feel the heat of his body, perilously close.
He sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth. He rested a hand at my hip and pulled me back so our bodies met.
“I couldn’t wait to see you in it.”
“I missed you too.” I smiled and leaned in, rolling my hand back, relieved to have him with me again. My body relaxed into his. Any time away from each other really dragged. Could you sound more hopeless and dependent? I ignored the little voice, and at least for now, gave in to being completed in his presence.
My smile faded when he trailed his lips up my neck, took my diamond stud in his mouth, and bit my earlobe gently. I let a moan escape my lips and my body tensed in heated anticipation. He roamed my curves. Sliding his palm over my belly, he moved south and slipped into my panties and over my mound. He stopped suddenly and his eyes widened.
“What the…?”
He spun me around, hooked his thumbs under the strings of the panties and pulled them down without ceremony, revealing the results of my very first Brazilian wax.
I bit my lip, nervous and shy to be so bare. “Do you like it? I wanted to surprise you.”
“Color me surprised.” He pushed me back up to my dresser and dropped to his knees, bringing the panties to the floor with him. “Sweet Jesus. You do love me.”
My giggle segued into a gasp when he slung my leg over his shoulder and dove into me, licking me, spreading me with his fingers so he could tantalize the sensitive flesh. The man had a brilliant mouth, and everything felt so…different down there. More intense, like I was being touched for the first time. An exposed nerve bared only for him. I shivered at his breath over me. The sensations of his lips and tongue as they tantalized my bare flesh had me trembling.
I glanced to the side, catching our reflection in my floor-length mirror. My face was flushed and my breasts heaved, heavy and tender up against the bra. Watching him eat me with such passion, this flawlessly beautiful man in his flawless tuxedo, pleasuring me like his life depended on it, was possibly the most erotic thing I’d ever witnessed. My heart swelled at the sight of it. Warmth washed over me, spreading like wildfire until I was burning with love and arousal.
My eyes fell shut when he sucked my *. My body skidded toward the impending orgasm. “Don’t stop, please…”
“I’m never leaving. You’re too f*cking sweet. And now… F*ck.” He circled my opening with his tongue and dove inside, f*cking me with shallow plunges.
I gripped the edge of the dresser. I was a few strokes away from having no strength in my legs, and prayed I could hold myself up when the time came.
“Yes, like that. Blake, oh my God, I’m going to—”
“Come for me, baby.”
The low rasp of his words vibrating on my p-ssy pushed me over. A short series of thready cries gave way to a wail as he took me over the edge. I shook uncontrollably, out of my mind with the pleasure he gave me. He held my hips tight, effectively holding me up as the tremors faded. I tried to gain my composure, struggling for breath.
He rose and gave me a gentle shove toward the bed. I flopped down, mindless and boneless.
“That was unexpected,” I said, my voice light, drunk on bliss.
“Well, you do hate networking, so maybe that’ll relax you.”
Laughter bubbled to the surface and I smiled, delirious and sated. Propped up on his elbow, Blake lay beside me with a satisfied smirk. I lowered my gaze and immediately recognized the outline of his erection through his tuxedo pants. This situation had become a little one-sided. His grin broadened and he stilled my hand as I moved toward him.
I puffed out my lower lip, disappointed with his refusal. “What now?”
“That can wait.”
“Why? We have time.” I thought so anyway. I’d lost all concept of space and time in my recent orgasmic blackout.
“Delayed gratification, my sweet. I’ll be bored as hell at this thing, so now I can imagine taking these thigh highs off you with my teeth and licking you from head to toe all night. By the time we get home, I’ll be ready to do some truly shameful things to you.”
My nipples hardened, grazing almost painfully inside the satin of my bra as my breasts swelled with each shaky inhale. Sometimes I was convinced he could make me come with words alone. I loved how dirty and honest he was when it came to sex. And from the sounds of it, he was coming to terms with my openness to his kinky ways. I only hoped he’d take me there in baby steps. I never knew where my limits were until Blake barreled through them.
“What kind of shameful things?” I asked, equally curious and anxious.
“I have a few ideas.”
“Do tell.”
“Hmm, no, I like surprising you too much. Plus, that’ll give you something to think about. Anticipation of the unknown.”
“Give me a hint.”
His eyes twinkled and he smirked. “Not a chance. Let’s get that beautiful dress on you before I lose my mind staring at you in all this lace.”
He pulled away but I brought him back to me, urging him down by his black lapels until our lips met. I was still reeling from the orgasm, and I had an inexplicable urge to taste myself on his lips. He kissed me back tenderly, brushing his fingers over my cheek. I got lost again, forgetting time and reality until he backed off gently.
“If you don’t let me go, baby, I’m going to make you come again. And then we’ll never get out of here because I can’t take much more.”
*
Guests glided along the museum’s hallways in their elegant attire. Blake and I followed, finding our way into an expansive enclosed courtyard. The room alone was breathtaking, with forty-foot floor-to-ceiling windows offering a view of the original building’s stone walls lit up against the summer night sky. I’d been to some fancy Harvard gigs before, but nothing like this.
I stopped at the balcony overlooking the party and took it all in.
“Beautiful,” Blake murmured in my ear.
“It’s breathtaking.” I stared in childish wonder.
He circled my waist and pulled me tightly to his side. I turned to meet his eyes. They burned into me with the stormy intensity I’d come to love, to crave.
“I wasn’t talking about the view.” He brushed his thumb over my lips and planted a chaste kiss there.
My heart did a flip as I breathed him in. The sights and sounds around us ceased to exist for a minute while I reveled in the work of art that was Blake.
A voice broke through my thoughts. Someone called my name in the distance. Daniel, arm-in-arm with Margo, approached our spot on the balcony. Daniel looked dapper in his tuxedo, and Margo wore a flowing emerald green satin gown that suited her slight frame and auburn hair.
I hesitated, unsure how to greet them in public until Margo came close to kiss my cheek.
“Erica, so good to see you. You look lovely.”
“Thank you. It’s wonderful to see you.”
The men shook hands and Daniel greeted me with a warm smile. An emotion passed over his face that was quickly masked by his perfected smile, even broader now.
“Beautiful, Erica. Landon is a lucky man.”
Blood rushed to my cheeks at his compliment.
“Is this vintage?” Margo ran her delicate fingertips over the velvet flourishes of my dress with obvious approval.
“Um, yes,” I answered nervously, my gaze darting to Daniel whose eyes betrayed him. In my girlish excitement over the dress, I’d never really thought that Daniel would notice it, let alone remember its origin. But by the pained look in his eyes, he did.
Daniel cleared his throat. “Well, why don’t we go mingle and see who we can introduce you to?”
“That would be wonderful,” I said quickly, eager to diffuse the awkward moment that only Daniel and I could fully understand.
Margo frowned slightly. “I can show Erica around a bit, sweetheart. Why don’t you two get a drink?”
Something passed between them without words. I couldn’t place it.
“Right. Let me buy you a scotch, Landon. Maybe I can talk you into making a donation to my campaign.”
Blake’s lips lifted a fraction. “I don’t do politics, but I’ll still take that scotch.”
Daniel laughed loudly and casually patted Blake on the shoulder. Margo swiftly hooked her thin arm into mine and led us down the broad staircase and into the crowd below.
“How have you been, dear?” She slowed enough to lift two glasses of champagne off of a passing tray and handed me one of the delicate flutes.
“Well. And you?”
“Well enough. The campaign has been stressful of course.”
“I can’t imagine. Daniel made it sound like things were promising though.”
“Numbers fluctuate, predictions shift. We’re slipping behind, but he tells me everything can change at the last minute.” She shrugged and gave me a half smile.
“There’s still time. I’m sure he has the best people working for him.”
“He does, I know that. I just worry. He needs all his energies on this effort to pull through ahead.”
She held me in her gaze, as if she wanted to tell me more. I waited for her to continue.
“He speaks of you often, Erica. I know he wants a relationship, to make something out of this new development with you. But if you care for him, you’ll give him some space until the election is over. He needs to win this, and God forbid if anything came out about your relationship… It could be devastating. Do you understand, dear?”
I swallowed down the last of the champagne, hoping she couldn’t see the way her words hurt me. I hadn’t pursued him since our last meeting for this very reason. I hoped she understood that he’d invited me, not the other way around. She wasn’t being mean, but that didn’t lessen the sting of her feelings about my potential involvement in her husband’s life.
“Of course. I—I’ll keep my distance. Shouldn’t be hard since our lives don’t exactly overlap.”
She took my hand, gave it a light squeeze, and smiled. “Thank you.”
Feeling suffocated by her words, I scanned the room, already wishing I were connected enough to know any of the people around me, until I stopped suddenly on two familiar faces.
“Will you excuse me, Margo? I see a friend.”
She nodded. I crossed the room toward Risa, clad in a solid black gown with a dangerously low backline.
“Erica, hi! You look gorgeous.”
“Thanks, you too.”
She returned my smile and we both looked up to the gentleman I’d interrupted with my arrival.
“Erica, I think you know Max.”
“Of course.”
“You look well, Erica.”
Max gave me a slow once over that ended with a slanted smile. I had forgotten how dashing he could look, his short blond hair and tanned skin contrasting against the bright white of his tuxedo shirt. In fact, I was surprised I hadn’t found Risa melted into a puddle at his feet based on her obvious and unabashed approval of the gorgeous men who’d graced our office. If I found her flirting at James’s desk one more time, I was probably going to have to say something. For his sake.
“Likewise.”
“Risa tells me the site is doing well.”
I glanced at Risa and realized, gratefully, that she had no idea what had gone on between us. I hadn’t seen or spoken to Max since Blake blew the deal we’d been minutes from finalizing. I’d flown out of the Angelcom boardroom in a tearful rage, unable to really explain what had happened. With that, our working relationship had been effectively severed, since Blake wouldn’t have anything to do with him when it came to investments, and vice versa.
“So far, so good. We have high hopes for growth now that we have Risa on the team.”
“No doubt. She’s been working the room like a pro.”
She slapped his arm playfully and laughed. “Well, Max has been introducing me, so I can’t take all the credit.”
Risa exuded a mix of excitement and bashfulness that most guys probably ate up. She was pretty and came across as sweet. She could get what she wanted though, and I was interested to see how she went about it. Especially with someone like Max. If she could play the high-powered playboy, I’d be nothing short of impressed.
The three of us made small talk until Max’s focus shifted from us.
“MacLeod. Good to see you. Enjoying the party?” Max reached out to shake the hand of the other tuxedo-clad guest whose dark brown eyes gleamed when they met mine.
“Working on it.”
“Erica, this is—”
“How are you, Mark?” I interrupted Max’s introduction and forced myself to hold Mark’s steady gaze. Inside, alarms were going off and my heart beat loudly against my chest. But I refused to show him any weakness.
“Much better now,” he murmured.
Max grinned, mirroring Mark’s lascivious gaze on me. I tightened my grip around my clutch and harnessed all my energies to appear polite and unaffected, keenly aware that my reaction to Mark’s proximity would be noted by those around us. Of course the two men would know each other from business dealings with Daniel’s firm, but Max was the last person who needed to know about my dark past with Mark.
I’d known I might see Mark here, and I’d swore I’d keep it together if by chance I did. If Daniel would be in my life, at any point, Mark would continue to make appearances. I couldn’t have a panic attack every time he did.
No longer a ghost, Mark had become real. All too real. A tangible creature with a name, a past, with vulnerabilities and weaknesses as real as my own. I tried to remember all this as he shamelessly drank me in.
“How about a dance?”
I masked my disgust at the suggestion. Max and Risa looked at us expectantly.
“Maybe later. I need a refill.” I tipped up my empty glass. I’d need way more than a glass to consider the request.
“I’ll get you one. Go, dance.” Max winked and took my glass.
Max had never given me cause to hate him. Even with Blake’s warnings, I had often questioned whether his intentions were as malicious as he’d made them seem. Now I hated him for reasons he’d never understand.
Mark captured my hand and pulled me to the dance floor, his grip tight. I moved mechanically to follow him, swept too quickly into the situation to game plan an exit. He slowed and swung me close to him. A wave of nausea washed over me at the sudden contact of our bodies. I tensed, certain that becoming physically ill on the dance floor would not bode well for whatever I’d hoped to achieve professionally tonight.
“Relax,” he crooned, bringing us so close his mouth was at my ear, his breath hot and moist on my skin.
Every place our bodies connected sent shockwaves of pain through my system. Years of loathing the man and the memories he’d given me were programmed into my brain, telling my body to fight. I clenched my jaw and took a deep breath through my gritted teeth, not because he wanted me to, but because I was determined to get through this without completely freaking out.
“Why are you doing this?” My voice was unsteady. I wished I sounded more in control than I felt.
“Can’t stay away. I think I’ve missed you. So glad I had Daniel invite you. I had a feeling you’d come when he asked.”
“What do you want from me? Just let me be, please.”
“I think you know.”
His mouth brushed against my neck and my whole body froze, panic taking over. My focus blurred with the tears that threatened. Couples all around us smiled and danced, but I couldn’t see Blake anywhere. Max and Risa stood beyond the dance floor chatting. They were no help to me now.
He can’t hurt you here. Logic’s voice was quiet and easily overwhelmed by the loud and alarming thoughts reeling through my mind. He’d gotten to me once, despite a circle of friends and a crowd. I could put nothing past him.
“You know, I can still remember everything about that night.”
The only benefit of being so close was that I couldn’t see his face. His face, the terrible sneering smile that was permanently embedded in my memory. I shut my eyes, trying to block everything out, but I remembered it all.
“Was that your first time? Must have been. You were so tight. So scared.”
I fought the urge to heave and I tried to push away when he seized my wrist in a vise-like grip, pulling our bodies even closer with his other arm.
“I love a good fight, but let’s not make a scene at Daddy’s party, shall we?”
“Let me go. Please,” I pleaded. I started trembling uncontrollably. Ghost or man, I had to get away.
The band slowed to the end of the song.
When I thought I might actually scream, Mark finally loosened his hold and released me.
“Until next time, Erica.” He smirked.
I stepped away, relaxing only slightly at the separation. I tried to orient myself on the dance floor. Where was Blake? I needed to get out of here. The music started back up and people began moving around us, talking and laughing. Everything felt like chaos around me.
“Is everything all right?” Daniel came from behind, circling me with Margo by his side.
The reality that Daniel was tied to Mark, this horrible person who’d damn near ruined me for good, was more than I could bear. I turned without answering and left the dance floor, escaping down a hallway that led to the outdoor courtyard.
The courtyard was aglow from the tiny holiday lights wrapped around the trees that lined a brick path. As soon as I stepped outside, I took a deep breath of the night air. I was dizzy, my fingers were tingling, and I knew from experience I was on the verge of hyperventilating. The cool air washed over my skin, which was now covered by a thin sheen of perspiration, a remnant of the past few minutes of sheer panic.
“Erica.”
Daniel rushed up to me, his eyes full of concern.
“Are you all right?”
“No.” I shook my head and then thought better of my reaction. Reason was slowly returning to me in Mark’s absence. “Yes, I’m fine. I’m sorry. I just need some air.”
“Here, come this way.” He held me gently around the shoulders and ushered me to an empty corner of the courtyard. We sat down on a wrought iron bench. My whole body felt heavy, sluggish. I was being held together by the dress that had just been pressed indecently close to the man who’d raped me.
I dropped my head in my hands. I hated Mark. Truly, and with every ounce of my being. I’d spent years of my life in fear of him. Never knowing when or how he could come back into my life. Now that he was here, the fear gave way to a potent rage. Before, the only person left to blame for my rape had been myself. I’d been too drunk, too naive. Every scenario brought the events of that night back to my actions and how I could have stopped it all somehow. Those days had ended. Mark was as evil as I’d ever imagined him to be and my anger and all the pain I’d felt after that night, because of that night, belonged to him.
Daniel gently swept a lock of hair behind my ear. “Did Mark say something to you?”
His voice brought me back to the present, and when I looked up he was frowning with evident concern. I closed my eyes, pressing my fingers to my temples. Tears threatened and I suppressed a sob. Something about Daniel, the way he looked at me, made me want more than I ever expected from the father I’d never had.
“Erica.” His voice sharpened.
“I know Mark,” I blurted out, immediately wishing I hadn’t.
“I don’t understand.”
I swallowed hard, trying to hide the emotions that welled as I searched for the right words. I hadn’t thought this out at all. Everything had happened so quickly.
“From college. We met before. I… I don’t know.” I searched his eyes, wishing that somehow he could just know—just understand without me telling him. His face seemed pale and stoic, giving me no indication of what he might be thinking of me.
I wanted the ivy on the courtyard walls to swallow me up and deposit me back into my bedroom, away from these people, everyone who could never understand what I’d been through. Then I heard Blake’s voice, like a light in the darkness. He hurried to join us where we sat.
“Erica. I was looking all over for you.”
Feeling weak, I nodded silently, pulling myself up to stand beside him. Daniel rose with me, steadying me with his hand at my elbow.
“Blake, I don’t think Erica feels well. You should take her home.”
Blake frowned and looked between us.
“Of course.”
That quickly, Daniel stepped away, disappearing back into the party.
“Baby, are you all right?”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “Take me home.”