CHAPTER ELEVEN
Come up for breakfast when you wake up.
Love,
Blake
I dropped the note back onto the pillow and fell back on the bed. I stared up at the ceiling, wishing the answers were written there. I still had time.
I made my way to the bathroom and tried to tame my totally f*cked hair. Fingertip-sized bruises marked my hips. My ass was covered with dozens of tiny little red dots, broken capillaries from the serious lashing Blake had dished out. A deep blush colored my cheeks.
Bound and at his mercy in the darkness of the night, I’d survived Blake’s unexpected return, overcoming my panic and fears. More than that, somehow I’d needed it, to break through all the craziness in my mind. My fears had seemed so small and insignificant in the face of impending tragedy.
I showered and dressed. I glanced out the window. Blake’s Tesla sat out front. A few cars down, a black Lincoln was parked on the street and I swore I caught a glimpse of red hair moving in the driver’s seat. A clatter in the kitchen tore my attention away.
I stepped into the living room tentatively, my nerves on edge. Sid was making his breakfast at the toaster. I relaxed slightly, relieved that Blake hadn’t come back. At least he hadn’t been there this morning. I didn’t have the energy last night to anticipate how I’d deal with waking up to him. I hadn’t planned for any of that. None of it.
“You’re up early,” I said.
“Yeah, trying to get on a better schedule. Our hacker friends must be on vacation so I haven’t had to pull any all-nighters, which helps.”
“Really? They just stopped?”
“Seems that way.”
“Wow.” I thought back to the meeting with Trevor. He didn’t seem to have an ounce of forgiveness in his heart, and our conversation had hardly convinced him to stop the attacks. Maybe tracking him down at his house had shaken him enough to make him stop. I wondered if he’d done the same for Blake’s other ventures or if he’d just decided to spare me.
“Hopefully they stay away so we can finally get back to work.”
“Do you think they will?”
“I have no idea. The code is so solid now I have a hard time imagining how they could breach us again, but we can’t defend what we can’t see. I guess we have to wait and see if they resurface.”
“Right,” I agreed. “Listen, Sid. I’m sure it won’t make much difference to you, but I’m going to be staying with a friend for a little while, so if you don’t see me around here much, that’s why.”
“You still coming to the office?”
“Of course.”
His face was passive as he sat behind the counter. He broke up his Pop-Tart, but I caught a flash of concern in his eyes when he looked up at me.
“Is everything all right?”
Unaffected as he tried to be, knowing that he cared meant a lot to me. We had a strange friendship that had deepened in its own way over time. I didn’t quite know how to answer him.
“I think it will be. Time will tell.”
Sid simply nodded, even though I was being cryptic and only half believed it myself. Thankfully he wasn’t one to pry.
*
I knocked quietly at Blake’s door, even though I had my finger on his key in my pocket. He greeted me with a smile that nearly took my breath away. He was gorgeous in his tired worn-out blue jeans and a simple white T-shirt. His hair was wayward and messy. Despite the long night, he looked rested and happy.
“Hey, beautiful.” He lifted me off my feet and kissed me.
I returned it, slave to the habit of melting into his touch and craving his skin on mine. What the hell was I thinking? Nothing about this was going to be remotely easy.
“What do you want for breakfast?”
He lowered me back down but stayed close, twisting a strand of my hair around his finger. I shook my head and looked away, physically incapable of looking at his eyes straight on.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.” I stood there awkwardly, paralyzed. “Can we…talk?”
“Okay.” His eyes narrowed slightly and he stepped back into the apartment, closing the door behind us. He walked farther in, but I lingered by the door, not wanting to get too comfortable. I couldn’t get pulled into the usual routine between us.
I shifted my weight back and forth a few times. He raised his eyebrows a fraction. Shit, I should have just emailed him. I couldn’t do this face to face.
You can do this. You have to do this.
“I think we need some space.” My teeth clenched against the tremble that threatened to take over. I fisted my hands, determined not to lose it.
All signs of warmth and humor had left his face. “What does that mean?” His voice was low, eerily so.
Shit, this was happening. This was really happening.
“I’m going to stay at Marie’s for a while. I need some time, and I think it would be easier if I wasn’t here.”
“Time? How much time?”
“I don’t know.”
I had no idea how long. I hadn’t nearly given up on the idea that I could get us out of this mess, but I needed time with Daniel to figure out how to get us there. I couldn’t risk Blake’s life in the meantime. His life… I couldn’t gamble with it. The thought of Daniel making good on his threat hit me again—a terrible, sobering thought that gave me the resolve I latched onto now.
If I did nothing else, I would protect him. He’d chosen me, tried to protect me, and now here we were.
“Where the hell is this coming from? Did I do something wrong?”
I shook my head, not wanting him to blame himself but knowing he’d probably find a way to anyway.
“Everything is just too much right now. I’m falling behind at work. I can’t focus. And then this news about Mark came as such a shock. I haven’t really had time to process everything.” Sadly, most of that was true, which was probably the only reason I could get the words out. “And I can’t do that with you around right now.”
He shook his head, his eyes wide. I was leaving the safe world of Blake, slipping further out of his reach.
“No. I—f*cking no. We can figure this out, whatever it is. We haven’t even had a chance to talk since I got back, Erica, and now you’re dropping this on me?”
I cut him off quickly, afraid to let him take over the conversation. “I thought about things a lot when you were gone too.” About how much I love you, can’t breathe without you. “And I think this is the best thing right now. I care about you, Bl—”
“You care about me?” His brows knitted tightly together.
I’d struck a chord.
He took a step closer and I stepped back against the door, as if the volume of his voice could knock me down. His anger felt like a physical blow. The venom in his words rapidly worked its way through my system. The tears threatened and I squeezed my eyes closed, fighting them.
“Please, Blake. Just give me time. That’s all I’m asking for.” My voice was a whisper.
“Is this about James?”
I let the thought roll over in my mind a moment. He’d handed me a reason, one that would hurt him deeply. I could admit to the lie and he’d believe me. Surely the thought of an infidelity would be devastating enough to sever the love he felt for me, with no question whether I was actually telling him the truth.
I shook my head. I couldn’t stomach the backlash that might come from that false admission.
“No. This has nothing to do with James.”
“You’re not telling me something, Erica. How do we go from you drunk wanting phone sex to last night, which was amazing by the way, and now this?”
He’d need answers. He wouldn’t let me go without them. Maybe after we’d had some time to come to terms with the separation, I could give him some reason that made sense. But not now. Everything was too raw. He’d see right through me.
Too much was unsaid, but I couldn’t tell him the truth. He’d go after Daniel, and we’d be in an even bigger mess. Jesus, maybe none of us would survive it. Like a Quentin Tarantino movie where you can’t begin to count the bloody bodies on the floor. We’d be among them, no one winning. Just one big bloody f*cking mess.
“I will always love you,” I whispered, afraid of saying the words with the passion I really felt. Once I’d said them, I relaxed a little. The truth felt right, and he needed to know that, if nothing else. “I know you’re angry. You have every right to be, but please don’t doubt that.”
He came close, bringing his arm up to rest on the door. I flinched back. Like an abused animal, I’d been hit, and in that split second I expected it. He lowered his hand and stared hard at me. He shoved his hands through his hair. I took a deep breath, wishing I could tell him who’d planted that fear in me, to take that pain away from him.
This is going to hurt. I was here to deliver the blow, not soften it.
I fumbled with the clasps on my bracelets and lifted the two sparkling bangles to give to him. I hoped for a second that he might take them, accept them, but he stood motionless before me, boring into me with those beautiful hazel eyes. I looked away, hating how they pleaded with me, fearful he’d see right into me. When he wouldn’t take them, I stepped past him and set them on the counter with his key.
I turned back to leave.
“Stop.”
I faced the door, my hand on the knob, ready to bolt.
He was close. His ragged breath caressed my skin.
“You’re doing it again. You’re running.”
“I’m not running. I’m leaving.”
“What if I don’t let you come back this time? How many times am I going to let you do this to us, for f*ck’s sake?”
I clenched my jaw, hating the thought that this might be the last chance he’d give me.
“Look at me, goddamnit.” He slammed his palm on the door.
I jumped at the sound and the edge in his voice. I took a deep breath and turned slowly to face him.
“Tell me why you’re really doing this, and I’ll tell you why it’s wrong.”
“I told you, I need time.”
“Bullshit.”
“I should go.”
“No, you should stay here, with me. This is where you belong.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. I couldn’t believe I’d found the strength to come this far, but inside I was unraveling. My love for Blake fought for control over the very real threat that I needed to protect him from.
I needed to leave before I lost my resolve. Before I could, I turned and left him without another word.
I tried to move quickly, but the albatross of emotion slowed my movements, numbing me. I went through the motions of packing in this dazed and detached state as tears blurred my vision. How I managed it I’ll never know, but I’d stuffed most everything I might need for a few weeks away from the apartment into my large suitcase.
Sid was hidden away in his room, so thankfully I didn’t have to face him again. I stepped outside, and out of pure habit I scanned the street for the black Escalade and Clay. The threat of Mark was gone, and Blake was back in town. We weren’t together anymore, so there was no need for a babysitter. Despite the fact that I disagreed with the whole concept of a security detail, Clay had grown on me a bit.
My gaze shot down the street, and I noticed a less welcome presence. Connor leaned against the town car. He tipped his hat toward me. A mere gesture I assumed, since he was likely tasked with reporting my every move back to Daniel. He’d keep it up until Daniel believed that things were done between Blake and me.
I walked toward him, my suitcase rolling loudly behind me. “You can tell him it’s done. Now leave me the f*ck alone.”
His face was as stark and emotionless as it had been the last time I’d seen him. “I’ll give him the message.”
I walked past him and hailed a cab, starting the journey to Marie’s on the outskirts of the city. As we turned off Comm Ave, I checked behind me to make sure Connor wasn’t following. Thankfully, he wasn’t. Marie was the last person I wanted Daniel checking in on. He had no idea we were still in contact, and she was one of the only people who knew what he really was to me.
The cab navigated through light traffic. Throngs of people went about their days. Happy, normal people with easy problems. I was leaving the only home I’d ever really known, and Blake was right. I was running away. This was an aimless and desperate escape from a world I’d created, one I truly loved.