"Thanks," I said, getting out of Jade's car. She gave me a tight smile, and waved, no doubt disappointed about where the night had gone, or not gone as the case was. I didn't generally go back for seconds, but I had had every intention of working off some steam in Jade's bed. However, once I'd arrived at her apartment and she'd pushed me down on her couch and started pawing at me, all I could think about was the fact that it was my wedding day. Which was so fucking annoying, because it wasn't like my wedding day meant anything at all. But in the end, it just seemed in bad taste to fuck one woman on the day I'd given my name—temporarily or not—to another. I wouldn't call it honor, because clearly I had precious little of that, but it just felt . . . distasteful, wrong. Wrong enough to cool any lustful thoughts I might have had about Jade's athletic little body. My thoughts turned back to Kira for the hundredth time that night. Kira, and those stupid O-named rats. It was weird, so why had it made me want to kiss her again? Kiss her right. Kiss her long and hard as I wrapped that fiery hair around my fist? Something had clearly come between me and my good sense.
I watched Jade's car drive out of sight and stood in the driveway for another minute, considering my witchy, spirited little wife. I had fully expected she wouldn't show up that morning, that she'd call off this farce of a marriage and move out after what had happened the day before with the list and the wine. And I couldn't decide if I wanted that or not. Clearly, we did not complement each other in any arrangement, business or otherwise. I had still been stewing about the wine, but if I really considered it, things had gone awry for me when I'd seen her naked. If I could erase the vision from my brain, I would, because I hadn't been able to stop thinking about her since. Totally unwelcome . . . and yet utterly undeniable. When I'd walked into her cottage and had seen her standing there completely nude, lust had gripped me so tightly, I'd almost grabbed the doorframe for support. For a moment, I'd been overcome by something strong enough to make me feel weak in the knees, my mind going suddenly and briefly blank. I'd never experienced anything quite like it before. I had to believe it was partly the shock of the situation that had stolen my breath right from my body, making me almost savage with want. I was picturing her now, my mind's eye conjuring up her smooth, supple skin; full, delectable breasts with rose-hued nipples; gently flaring hips; and legs that were long and shapely despite her smaller stature. She was slim, but her clothing hid just how luscious she was. But I knew now. And I wished I didn't. This did not bode well for the business relationship we had arranged. This did not bode well for my peace of mind. I had no desire to have lustful thoughts for my wife. Like the ones I'd had when she'd shown up in the driveway this afternoon, looking like she'd spent the day in bed having sex: her cheeks and lips flushed, her eyes bright, nipples hard, and her hair tousled wildly. For a brief instant, I'd wondered if she had been having sex with someone in her cottage and something that felt suspiciously like jealousy had gripped me. Then I'd wondered if she'd just been alone in that small bed, her hands on her own body . . . I knew the look of an aroused woman. It had made me crazy and frustrated enough to accept Jade's offer. My body throbbed at the memory, and I swore under my breath at my own unwanted reaction to Kira. No, thinking about my wife that way made me decidedly grumpy and hostile. Today would have to be the only day off limits as far as sleeping with other women, because there was no way I’d survive thinking about Kira the way I was. I'd need to distract myself with other willing bodies. And, I admitted, with more mindfulness than I'd almost shown tonight. Spending time with women who knew my name and where I lived wasn't exactly following the agreement Kira and I had made regarding conducting our personal lives with discretion. And now there was even more reason to get this part of our marriage over with so she would be out of my hair sooner rather than later.
Kira. Who was now my wife.
No, not for real. Shut up. Stop repeating that to yourself.