When he came up to his full height again, we stared at each other across the room for several tense moments. Finally, he said softly, "As I was sitting out there in the rain, I thought to myself, what would Kira do right now? She would do something. She would come up with a plan. It wouldn't be like her just to sit here and wait for things to play out as they may. She would gather all her courage, and she would try, even if it seemed all hope was lost. And I thought about how much I want to be as brave as you."
Oh. I shifted on my feet, fighting not to crumble immediately. "And so you scaled the side of the building and broke into Sharon's house?"
He shrugged, giving me a lopsided smile. "Breaking and entering was the best thing I could come up with at the time." He cleared his throat. "It's actually plan B, though. See, initially my plan wasn't so good. I was going to lecture you on the dangers of what you'd done and make some suggestions about your . . . impulsive ideas. So," he reached in his pocket and pulled out a wet, folded up piece of paper, "I made a list of pros and cons." I let out a small half laugh/half snort, and he shot me a hopeful glance as he carefully unfolded the paper, taking care not to rip it. "I wrote about your spirit, your compassion, and your kindness. But I also wrote about all the ways you make me crazy and bring me to the very edge of sanity." He turned the note upside down and right side up again. "But then I couldn't remember what were pros and what were cons, because they all come together to make you and I wouldn't want to change a single thing."
"Oh," I breathed, hanging on by a thread to the no-crumble pledge. "Well," I said, crossing my arms over my chest, "well, it . . . it worked, I suppose, plan B, that is. So it wasn't the worst of plans as far as plans go." I shifted my eyes away from him, biting on my lip for a moment. "But what exactly is it you were trying to accomplish? Now that you're in front of me, what do you want, Grayson?" I cleared my throat, knowing the way my voice cracked on his name gave away my shaky emotions and the underlying hope I was trying so hard to deny.
"I want to tell you what I should have told you that day in my office if I'd been brave enough then, if I'd been strong enough then. I want to tell you that I trust you, and that I love you, and that I don't want to live my life without you. And I'm hoping you'll forgive me for pushing you away, for saying such cruel things to you, for lying, and I hope . . . I hope you can help me forgive myself. I'm sorry, I'm so very sorry." His voice was a raw ache and my heart leapt in my chest.
I tried to sort through all he'd just said, my mind grasping onto three in particular. "You . . . love me?" I asked, hope almost rendering me breathless.
I took a step toward him, but he held his hand up, halting me in my tracks. I blinked at him. And then tears sprung to my eyes when understanding dawned. He wanted to come to me. He did so, halting just a few steps from where I stood. A tremulous smile tilted up the corners of my lips.
"Yes," he said, "I love you so much I feel like an empty shell without you."
I bit my trembling lip. "And those things you said about being with other . . ." My voice trailed off, the brutal pain of that moment coming back to me and stealing the words.
"No," he rasped. "God, no. I said those things to hurt you like I thought you were hurting me." He closed his eyes, a look of shame passing over his handsome features. "I have been and always will be faithful to you—body, and also heart and soul. I made a vow and I intend to live by it."
I smiled on a small, gasping breath, attempting to hold back a sob, suddenly weak with relief. "I've been faithful to you, too. That day in Napa, I was only with Cooper because it was part of the plan, and he thought I still lived there. I had to find out what functions he'd be at. After that, I made excuses. I never went anywhere with him that night or any other."
He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. "I'm so sorry I ever doubted you."
I shook my head. "It looked bad, I know. I would have explained, but—"
"I was awful. Beyond awful."
I put my fingers to his lips, sniffling as I gazed at his face. "You were hurting."
He nodded, his expression pained and guilt-ridden.
"I thought for sure you'd serve me with divorce papers. You didn't take my father's deal?"