She nodded. "I'm somewhat acquainted with the type," she said wryly. I kissed her forehead gently, knowing she was thinking about Cooper, or perhaps her father, or perhaps both.
"Yeah, so, we were walking outside to the parking lot and he said he had roofied some girl, and that he and the other guys were going to take her back to their hotel and have some fun." Kira looked up at me and her eyes widened in what looked like surprised revulsion. "He asked if I wanted in on the action and pointed over to a car where a girl was slumped in the backseat. I kind of went a little crazy." I paused. "I was looking for a fight, Kira. I welcomed a reason to fight with him."
"It was a good reason, Gray," she whispered.
I let out a loud whoosh of air. "Maybe. I got right in his face, but he was the one who pushed me first. And it was all I needed. I didn't show him any mercy. He got a few good hits in, but most of the punches were mine. I enjoyed it. And then he fell . . ." I paused, closing my eyes as I pictured that awful moment. "The way he landed . . . I knew right away he was dead. People started scattering, cars drove off, the police came . . ."
She looked up at me, her eyes so compassionate and understanding I wanted to fall into them, believing I might find redemption there. "You didn't mean to kill him," she said.
"No. God, no, I never meant to kill him. I just wanted to hurt him, teach him a lesson. I acted as his judge, jury, and as it turned out, his executioner that night."
Kira brought her hand up and ran her thumb over my cheek. How could she look at me with so much love in her eyes after what I'd shared with her? And yet, she did.
"Did they ever find the girl?"
I pressed my lips together. "Yeah, they found her, but too late to do any drug testing. My defense couldn't use her at trial." I took a deep breath. "My defense. What a joke. My father wouldn't pay for a lawyer—he left me to hang," I said, unable to keep the hurt and bitterness from my voice. "I had to hire a public defender. The guy was totally incompetent—and even if he hadn't been, his caseload was so big he wouldn't have been able to do much for me anyway. Still, though, he was sure I'd only get minimal time for what happened—six months at most, community service at best. And so when the judge came back with five years, I was . . . I was floored, shocked. It felt like my life was over."
I felt Kira's body tense but she remained still. I let out a deep breath. "I waited for my father to visit me—even just once—but he didn't. And then Shane came to see me to tell me he'd married Vanessa . . ." The hurt of that moment still affected me, even if the outcome didn't anymore. I'd been devastated. And then I'd cut Shane off too, taking him off my visitor list. He'd tried. All those years, he'd never stopped writing, trying to visit me, nor had Vanessa.
Kira lifted her head to look up at me. "It must have been terrible for you. You must have felt so abandoned, so cheated."
I nodded, knowing how deeply she understood. "I wouldn't have survived if it hadn't been for Harley. And you, little witch, had everything to do with that." Her brows furrowed.
"How?"
I told her about what Harley had shared with me. She leaned her chin on my chest, a small, serene smile on her lips. "Maybe in some way I was there with you then," she whispered. "Does that sound crazy?"
I chuckled. "No, it makes sense to me." I looked down at her, my heart thumping in my chest. Her sweet, soft body pressed against mine and amazingly, desire filled my body again. But the aching wasn't only between my legs. The aching was in my heart. I wanted her in every way a man might want a woman.
I love you. I will always love you, I wanted to profess, but the words stuck in my throat, fear rising to choke down any sound. Instead, I leaned down and kissed her, surrendering, but not completely. I wasn't brave enough. Not just yet.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Kira