“Smile, please.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the church.
I expected to see Gracie. I did not, however, expect to see Dean, and I froze as soon as we entered the auditorium.
“Avery!” I hissed, pulling her close to my side. “What is Dean doing here? How is he already out of juvie?”
“Good behavior. Didn’t I tell you his parents were making him come?” she asked.
“Um, no you didn’t. Why would you force me to come here if you knew he was here? Don’t you know our history?”
“Cadence, rise above it, okay?”
“I don’t want to rise above it!”
“Cadence,” Avery said, leaning over to whisper in my ear. “I will totally kill you if you mess this up for us.”
“No, because I’ve already killed you.”
“No, I killed you first because you’re being a big baby,” she said.
“Nooo, I killed you first because I hate your guts.”
Avery grabbed my hand and hauled me out the doors. They barely closed before I screamed, “He was in our group!”
“I know that.”
“He brought the cocaine!”
“I know that.”
“I made out with him!”
“I didn’t know that.” Avery’s lips curled into a grin.
“Stop smiling!” I demanded. And then I hid my face in my hands. “I’m mortified.”
Avery pulled on my hands. “Cadence, look. I’m sorry he’s here. But he’s in the same situation as you. His parents are making him come. They monitor him twenty-four seven. I mean, frankly, I think they should. He’s a total dopehead. Or was a total dopehead. But I knew if I told you about him, you wouldn’t come, and I needed you to. Just don’t look at him. Focus on our amazing plan and how it’s going to allow you freedom. Remember that freedom we talked about?”
I nodded reluctantly. “Is he coming back to school?”
“Yes. He starts Monday, I think.”
I growled.
“Will you chill out? If he was as high as everyone said he was, then I doubt he even remembers making out with you.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Oh, don’t be so sensitive. I’m sure you’re a fantastic make-out partner.”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s not just about that.”
“Then what is it? And you’ve got about five seconds,” Avery said, glancing at the time on her cell phone.
“I get picked on all the time at school. But I can guarantee you when he comes back to school, no one will pick on him. He’s the cool guy everyone loves. It’s completely unfair. He’s a total drug addict loser, and I’m the one who gets flour dumped in my locker. I’m the one who’s called a whore and a murderer. I don’t even know what that means. We didn’t kill anyone!”
“Life is unfair, okay? You’ve gotta deal with it. Girls can’t get away with the kind of shit guys can.”
“You just cussed in church,” I pointed out.
“Whatever. The point is that you’ve gotta be able to deal better.”
“Are you really saying that to me right now?” I folded my arms over my chest.
“Don’t you dare, Cadence. We’re a team. Drop those arms and put on your game face. Your armor, because we’re going in,” Avery said. And then she smiled and added, “Put on the armor of God.”
I narrowed my eyes at her.
“What? We’re at youth group. It totally fits.”
“I hate your guts.”
“Yeah yeah. You can hate my guts while you’re suiting up. Belt of righteousness. Sword of truth. All that good stuff.”
“It’s belt of truth and sword of the Spirit,” I scoffed. “And you’re a student leader?”
“Just shut up,” Avery replied, and led me once more inside.
Gracie looked put out. I guess she thought this was my desperate attempt at making amends, or maybe she thought I was doing everything possible to be around her as much as I could. The truth was that I missed her terribly, but my feelings were hurt. I had to accept that she didn’t want my friendship any longer, and I had to move on. No easy task considering we had been friends since second grade.
Dean glanced at me then averted his eyes. Good. He didn’t want to be around me any more than I wanted to see his face, so maybe I could survive the excruciating awkwardness of being back. I steeled myself, expecting a lot of judgment and nasty looks, but everyone greeted me warmly. A little too warmly. Abbey Clemish actually linked her arm with mine and led me to a seat beside hers. I grew instantly suspicious. These people were being too nice, and then I realized it was because they were just talking shit about me.
I pulled the earbuds from my book bag, nestling them snuggly in my ears and plugged the cord into the computer. I figured that since I’d already finished the Excel assignment, I could reward myself with Youtube. Ours was probably the only high school that hadn’t blocked the site. Teachers argued they needed it for instructional purposes, and somehow they won their case. I never figured out why the school allowed access to everyone. They could have just restricted it to teachers, but I’m not complaining.
“Midnight in a Perfect World” by DJ Shadow. I typed in the song title and pulled up the official music video. I had no idea what instrumental hip hop was, but it sounded more exciting than the stuff I listened to. Edgy, urban—everything I wasn’t. I didn’t really see Mr. Connelly being those things either, so I pressed PLAY to find out.
The song was smooth, fluid, and sensual. Perfect, in essence, and I thought that this should have been the song God listened to when he created the universe. I closed my eyes imagining him pointing here for clouds, there for trees, shaping mountains and rushing rivers while DJ Shadow scratched complementary beats in the background.
And then I stopped thinking about God in favor of Mr. Connelly and how he was exactly this song. Walking sensuality. Fluid movement at the white board as he painted a picture of cosines with his black dry erase marker. Smooth gray eyes. Hip and edgy clothes, and everything a seventeen-year-old girl would think was totally hot.