chapter THREE
‘NO, DAMN it.’ Josh turned away from the kit and back to Gus, kneeling over him, checking for a pulse. He trusted Georgie’s skill but he needed to double check for his own peace of mind. There was nothing. ‘Resuming CPR,’ he said as he began chest compressions again in a vain attempt to restart Gus’s heart. If the adrenaline hadn’t worked he knew it was unlikely anything else he did would have an effect, but he had to do something.
He worked hard for another minute. Another sixty compressions. There was no change.
He felt Georgie’s hands over his.
‘Josh, stop. His injuries are too massive. He’s not going to make it.’
He didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop. He couldn’t lose a patient today. He was in Cairns to get some pre-hospital experience but it was expected that he would be demonstrating his medical skills and performing well. Losing a patient on his first day was not part of his agenda.
He brushed Georgie’s hands away and continued. Sixty-one, sixty-two. Another sixty and then sixty more.
‘Josh, it’s too late,’ Georgie insisted. Her hands were back on top of his, stilling his movements. ‘It’s been too long.’
He listened then. He sat back on his heels, his hands resting on Gus’s chest, Georgie’s hands covering his. He could feel her hands shaking. Or maybe it was his. He couldn’t tell.
‘We’ve done everything we can,’ she told him.
He looked at her and he could see the bleakness of his own expression reflected in her chocolate-brown eyes. He could see she knew exactly how he felt.
‘I know,’ she said. ‘We want to save them all but sometimes we can’t. It’s just the way it is.’
He rubbed his eyes and the latex of the gloves pulled across his eyelids. He stripped the gloves from his hands and tossed them onto the pile of discarded face masks and syringe wrappings, the detritus of the action. He breathed deeply. He could smell dust and heat and perspiration. He exhaled loudly and breathed in again and this time he could smell honey and cinnamon, an already familiar scent, and he knew it came from Georgie. Sweet and fresh, it competed with the smell of defeat.
The other station hands had moved back, giving Georgie and Josh some room. He looked up at them. They were gathered together, supporting each other. They knew the battle had been lost. He stood and went to them.
‘I’m sorry. His injuries were too extensive. Even if you’d been closer to help, if we’d been able to get here faster, even then I doubt there’s anything we could have done.’ He knew his words would be of little consolation but he didn’t want them blaming themselves or wondering if they could have done more. Today was just one day out of hundreds just like it. There would have been many times when someone had travelled in the back of the ute without incident but today Gus’s luck had run out.
They stood in silence in the heat of the late afternoon. The bush was still, there was not a breath of wind and even the birds were quiet. Josh knew it was only the heat that was keeping the wild parrots mute but it felt like their silence was in deference to the situation.
In the distance he heard the sound of a vehicle approaching. First one. Then another.
An ambulance pulled up, followed by a police car, their distinctive markings almost obliterated by red dust.
Josh spoke to the policeman. He spoke to the paramedics. He was operating on autopilot. Gus was pronounced dead. His body would be put into the ambulance and transported to the morgue. There was nothing left for him to do here.
Pat and Isaac were helping Georgie load the equipment back into the chopper. He left the police and paramedics to finish up and went to help his team.
‘Sorry, mate, tough day,’ Pat said as Josh returned to the chopper. Josh appreciated his sentiment. Pat hadn’t exaggerated the situation neither had he downplayed it, he’d said all that was necessary with those few words.
Josh climbed into the chopper and started securing the medical kits into position. The empty stretcher in front of his knees was a bleak reminder of what had happened. He unclipped one kit from a seat and strapped it onto the stretcher instead, partially covering the empty expanse. That was better. Less confronting.
The chopper lifted off the ground. As they banked to the east Josh could see the accident scene below them. The paramedics were closing the doors at the rear of the ambulance. The police were still speaking with the station hands. He closed his eyes, blocking out the tableau.
He should be saving lives in a big city hospital, with specialist help at hand and state-of-the-art equipment in place. He should be in control, not shooting adrenaline into a young man’s heart on a dirt track out the back of beyond. What a bloody mess.
What the hell was he doing here?
He kept his eyes closed until he knew they were far away from the cattle station. Far away from the ambulance that held Gus’s body. When he opened his eyes he kept his face turned to the window, his head turned away from Georgie. He didn’t want to make eye contact. He didn’t want to have a conversation. Not about what had transpired out in the red dirt. He knew he would have to think about it at some point. He’d have to fill in a medical report. A death certificate. But he didn’t want to discuss it yet.
Georgie was quiet. Perhaps she was lost in her own thoughts. Whatever the reason, he was relieved she didn’t seem to need to talk. Most women he knew would be attempting to have some sort of discussion, even if it was about nothing. The majority seemed to think that silence was there to be broken. He was pleased Georgie wasn’t one of them.
The silence wasn’t awkward. He knew she was there and knowing he wasn’t alone was somehow comforting. He couldn’t see her but he could feel her presence. He could smell her perfume, cinnamon and honey, warm and sweet.
He let the silence continue for the entire trip and it was after six in the evening and night had fallen before Pat started to guide the chopper down to the airport. In the distance Josh could see the lights of Cairns. They were almost home.
Cairns was a beautiful city by day and even more so by night, but it wasn’t enough to lighten his mood. They were on their way home while Gus was on his way to the morgue. A young life extinguished. He felt the tension of the day in his shoulders. He sighed, a long, audible exhalation, trying to release the strain in his muscles.
He felt Georgie’s hand on his. Her fingers entwined with his in response to his sigh. Her hand connected him to the living. He knew her gesture was meant to give comfort and the warmth of her hand did exactly that. It warmed his entire body. He hadn’t realised he was feeling cold but he was now aware of heat suffusing through him, bringing him out of his fog.
‘Are you okay?’ Georgie asked.
‘I will be.’
‘We did everything we could,’ she said.
‘Are you sure?’ Today’s events made him question his skills. He liked being in control of situations and, while he realised that was sometimes going to be difficult out in the middle of nowhere, what if things went wrong because of him? What if he didn’t have what it took to work in this environment? ‘It’s our job to save lives. I’m no good to anyone if I can’t do that.’ What if he didn’t have what it took to run an emergency department in a big city hospital?
‘You said it yourself,’ Georgie reminded him, ‘Gus’s injuries were too extensive. Even if we’d been able to reach him sooner, the outcome wouldn’t have been any different. There was nothing else we could do.’
Losing a patient was never easy but Josh knew Georgie was right. He’d said those exact words to the other station hands. He and Georgie had done everything they could. But would others see it that way? He needed to prove himself. He needed to show he could handle working in this environment and losing a patient on day one wasn’t an auspicious start.
He’d lost patients before, working in A and E it was inevitable, but today had felt very personal. He knew it was because it had been up to him and Georgie. A team of two when he was used to a team of three or four or ten or however many it took, and having greater numbers took the intimacy out of it. It didn’t remove the responsibility but it did lessen the sense of failure.
As Pat guided the chopper down onto the landing trolley Georgie gave his fingers a gentle squeeze. ‘Today was a bad day. They’re not all like this. It’ll be all right.’
He hoped like hell she was right.
Pat switched the engines off. The blades continued their revolutions but even the rhythmic thump-thump of the spinning blades didn’t disguise the silence that enveloped the team within the chopper. Georgie unclipped her harness and Josh followed suit.
Georgie leant forwards between the pilots’ seats. ‘Dinner at my place when we’re finished here?’
Josh heard her issue an invitation to Pat and Isaac. He was strangely disappointed not to be included yet there was no rule that said he should be. He was the new kid in town.
Their shift was over but it was their job to restock the supplies ready for the next crew and he knew following a routine would help to focus his thoughts. He got busy unloading the medical equipment they’d used and pretended he hadn’t heard Georgie’s words.
Georgie climbed out of the chopper and then turned and reached for the kitbags, preparing to carry them back to the QMERT building. ‘The guys are coming back to my house for a feed. Would you like to join us?’
Yes, he thought. ‘No,’ he said, before thinking he’d better elaborate. ‘Thanks, but you’re not expecting an extra mouth to feed. I’ll grab some dinner at the hotel.’ He didn’t like to feel as though he was imposing.
‘Don’t be silly. I wasn’t expecting to feed Pat and Isaac either but we have a rule that we always have a meal or a drink together if we’ve had a bad day, kind of an unofficial debriefing session, and we certainly can’t let you finish your very first day with us like this. There’s nothing worse than going home alone with just your thoughts.’
‘Are you sure?’ After the day they’d had the prospect of his empty hotel room didn’t appeal, neither did the idea of dinner for one in the hotel’s restaurant.
‘Positive.’
An evening in Georgie’s company would be better than being alone in his hotel room. Looking at her now, even though she was wearing her QMERT overalls, which pretty well covered every square inch of her skin, he could picture her as she had been yesterday, in her black bikini, her olive skin darkly tanned, her petite figure perfectly proportioned. It seemed wrong, given the circumstances, to have that vision of her in his head, but he couldn’t shake it. Perhaps he should take himself back to his hotel, he didn’t need any distractions. But even as he had that thought he heard himself accepting her invitation. ‘What can I bring?’
‘Nothing. I’ve got a fridge full of food, I’m always feeding people.’
‘She’s not kidding, mate,’ Isaac interrupted. ‘Georgie’s a great cook. Don’t ever pass up one of her invitations.’
‘I’m Greek,’ she said with a shrug. ‘It’s what we do.’ She smiled at him and her face lit up. It wasn’t just her mouth that smiled, it was everything. Her smile had the power to make him forget about the day they’d had, just for a moment, and he knew that if he spent more time with her he’d eventually be able to forget the day for longer than a moment. And that had to be a good thing. He didn’t want to forget about the boy they hadn’t been able to save, but he did want something else to think about and he was more than happy for that to be Georgie.
‘I’m going to have a quick shower here and then you can follow me to my place,’ she said. ‘Have you got a car?’
He nodded and twenty minutes later he was following her little red car through the streets of Cairns and trying to block out the image in his head of Georgie in the shower. In his mind he could see the water running down between her breasts, her skin glistening wet, slippery and cool. Her long, dark hair was loose, slick and heavy hanging down between her shoulder blades, drawing his eye to the curve of her waist and buttocks. He told himself he was being ridiculous. He hadn’t even seen her hair loose, it had been tied back both yesterday and today. He shook his head as he remonstrated silently with himself. He’d known her for barely twenty-four hours, he had to work with her, he had a job to do, he had no plans on starting a relationship. He pictured her in her black swimming costume instead. It was a little bit more demure, but not by much, but at least that picture enabled him to concentrate on navigating the streets.
He pulled into the driveway behind Georgie. Her house was a typical Queenslander. Constructed of weatherboard and raised off the ground, a section of the downstairs had been built in but the main rooms were upstairs. He followed her up the stairs and across the deck into the kitchen. She’d restrained her hair in a plait after her shower and it swung from side to side as she climbed the stairs, catching his eye and reinforcing the fact that her hair was tamed and not streaming down her back. His disappointment was almost palpable.
The house looked far too big for one person. When she’d said earlier that there was nothing worse than going home alone with your thoughts, he’d assumed she’d been speaking from experience. He’d assumed she was single. But perhaps he’d taken her words out of context, perhaps she’d been talking about him. Did she have someone waiting for her here? ‘Are you sharing the house?’ he asked.
She shook her head. ‘No. I rented a large house because I knew my family would all be visiting and would need somewhere to stay.’
‘Visiting from where?’
‘Melbourne. I’m from down south originally. I’m almost ten months into a twelve-month secondment to the Queensland Ambulance Service,’ she said as she started pulling things out of the fridge. ‘In the time I’ve been here three of my brothers and my parents have all visited. My last lot of visitors headed off to Port Douglas this morning. So you see, I can’t share a house with anyone, it wouldn’t be fair to subject them to my family.’
Hearing about the number of brothers she had distracted him from the realisation that Georgie wasn’t from Queensland and she wasn’t going to be here for much longer. ‘Three of your brothers! How many have you got?’
‘Only four.’ She laughed and he knew she was laughing at him. The expression on his face was probably pretty funny. But he was happy to be laughed at, he thought as the sound resonated through him and lifted his spirits. ‘I take it from your expression you don’t have a big family?’ she said as she passed him the salad ingredients, which he put on the counter.
‘No, just one brother,’ he replied. Who he didn’t want to talk about. ‘What can I do?’ he asked, effectively changing the topic.
She passed him two beers. ‘Can you open these for us? And there should be some onions in the pantry,’ she said, waving her hand at a cupboard on the opposite side of the kitchen. ‘You could chop them for me.’ She pulled some meat from the fridge. ‘I’ll barbecue this. We can have yiros.’
Josh found a bag of onions and by the time he’d turned around from the cupboard Georgie had piled flatbreads next to the lamb and vegetables and had chopping boards, knives and beer glasses at the ready.
Josh twisted the tops of the beers and poured them into two cold, frosted glasses.
‘Cheers,’ he said as he handed one glass to Georgie.
He sipped his beer as he started chopping the onions. The cold lager quenched his thirst and he could feel the stress of the day ease slightly.
Georgie had slipped out to the deck to light the barbecue but when she returned he had more questions for her. ‘What number are you in your family?’
‘I’m the baby. And the only girl.’
‘Does that make you a tomboy or a pampered princess?’
She picked up the tray of meat and looked at him with one eyebrow raised. ‘I’m an intensive care paramedic, you tell me.’
‘Tomboy, I guess.’
‘You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But I wasn’t a very good tomboy. My brothers are a lot older than me and I was a bit…’ she paused briefly, searching for the right word ‘…protected. Not pampered, mind, just discouraged from following in the boys’ footsteps.’
‘How much younger are you?’ he asked as he traipsed to and from the kitchen to the deck carrying platters, crockery and food.
‘Stephen is the closest in age to me, he’s thirty-four so seven years older, the twins are ten years older than me and Tony’s two years older than them.’
He couldn’t imagine coming from such a large family but he supposed in many ways she’d been like an only child. Her youngest brother, Stephen, was the same age as him and he was keen to know more about her band of brothers, and about her, but the arrival of Pat and Isaac changed the direction of the conversation.
Pat opened more beers for everyone and proposed a toast. ‘To Gus.’
They each raised their drink in respect.
‘I hope some of his dreams came true. I hope he lived a good life,’ Georgie said, touching her glass to Pat’s before she turned back to the barbecue to baste the meat.
The aroma of garlic, onions and lamb teased Josh’s sense of smell and his stomach rumbled. He moved closer to the barbecue, closer to Georgie, and leant on the railing of the deck.
‘Did anyone find out anything more about him?’ Josh asked. ‘Did he have a wife? Kids?’
Georgie opened her mouth but hesitated before speaking and he saw her flick a glance in Isaac’s direction. ‘He got married about three months ago, one of the other station hands did tell me that, but I don’t know anything further.’
‘Poor devil,’ Pat chimed in.
‘I can’t imagine what I would do if I lost Lani like that,’ Isaac commented.
‘Isaac is getting married in a few weeks and Pat is a jaded, cynical divorcé,’ Georgie explained for his benefit.
‘And what about you?’ Josh asked Georgie. She’d said she lived alone but that didn’t mean she didn’t have a boyfriend somewhere. In Melbourne, if not here.
Pat laughed. ‘It’d be a brave man to take Georgie on,’ he said.
‘Why is that?’
‘She’s got four older brothers, that’s a lot of pressure for a potential partner to handle,’ Pat explained.
‘Why do you think I’ve run away from home?’ Georgie asked as she scooped the cooked lamb off the barbecue and onto a platter. ‘Isaac’s fiancée is a nurse at the hospital.’ She turned to Isaac as she placed the platter on the table. ‘Josh is going to be doing some shifts there while he’s in Cairns, you’ll have to introduce him to Lani.’
Josh wondered at the very deliberate change in the direction of the conversation but he had no opportunity to question Georgie as she’d deftly shifted the focus onto him.
‘You’ll be working in A and E?’ Isaac asked. When Josh nodded he continued. ‘Lani’s in ICU. Let me know when you’re doing your first shift and I’ll get her to introduce you to a few people.’
‘Thanks, mate, I’d appreciate that.’
The conversation slowed as they all assembled and ate the yiros. Eating gave Josh a reason to stop talking, he didn’t want to volunteer too much information. It was better to let them all think he was happy to be here and had joined their team at his own instigation. And by the end of the night he found he was actually enjoying their company. They were an easy group, welcoming and relaxed. Perhaps the next six months wouldn’t be too onerous.
Especially not if he got to work with Georgie, he thought. His gaze fell on her again as she emerged from the kitchen, carrying yet another platter. Her plait fell over her shoulder as she bent forward to put the plate on the table and Josh had a wild urge to pull the elastic band from the end of her hair and loosen it. She straightened and flicked her plait back behind her shoulder and he had to be content with catching a whiff of her scent as she sat beside him. Cinnamon and honey.
‘Who would like coffee and baklava?’ she offered.
Baklava. That’s exactly what she smelt like. But Josh knew the fragrance he could detect was Georgie and not dessert. He’d been aware of it all day.
Everybody requested dessert and Isaac had several pieces. ‘Excellent, thanks, Georgie,’ Isaac said as he popped another piece into his mouth.
‘I’ve got a confession to make,’ she said. ‘My sister-in-law made this.’
‘I don’t care who made it, it’s delicious,’ Pat said, his mouth full of the sweet pastry.
Isaac finished another piece and drained his coffee as he stood up. ‘Sorry, George, I’ve got to run. I’m off to collect Lani, she was doing a late shift.’
Pat followed suit. ‘I’d better get going too. I’m flying you guys again tomorrow, I need to get a decent sleep.’
Josh stood too but after his initial hesitation to join them for dinner he was now reluctant for the evening to end. His lonely hotel room held even less appeal now than it had a few hours earlier.
‘It’s okay, Josh, stay and finish your coffee,’ Georgie said as she put another piece of baklava on his plate. ‘Eat that too ’cos the rest will get sent home with Pat.’
‘You’re a saint, Georgie,’ Pat said as he kissed her cheek.
As Georgie wrapped up the remainder of the baklava and said goodnight to Pat and Isaac, Josh found himself wondering if Pat wasn’t just a little bit enamoured with Georgie. If that was the case he then wondered how Georgie felt about Pat. Not that it was any of his business, he thought as he ate another piece of baklava. ‘That dinner was delicious, compliments to you and your sister-in-law,’ he said when Georgie returned to the table. ‘Have you got as many sisters-in-law as you have brothers?’
‘Nearly. Alek, one of the twins, isn’t married yet.’
‘Have all the sisters-in-law visited?’
Georgie shook her head. ‘One to come.’
‘So you’ve run away from home and almost all your family have followed.’
Georgie laughed and once again Josh found the sound of her laughter comforting. ‘I didn’t really run away. Not from my brothers anyway, they’re harmless enough.’
He wondered what her reason for being here was. Something in her tone suggested there was more to the story than she was volunteering. What wasn’t she telling him?
‘So what are you doing here?’ he asked.
‘Same as you I guess, I came for the experience. In Victoria most people are within reach of a regular ambulance service so there’s not nearly as much work for the helicopter team. It’s mostly inter-hospital transfers and the occasional multiple-vehicle country accident. The distances in Queensland are so much bigger and the demand for the helicopter units is so much higher I can get twice as much experience in half the time up here,’ she explained.
‘So this is a career move for you? Work was the draw card?’
Georgie wondered how she should answer that question. The simple answer would be yes, but the honest answer was that she was escaping. Technically, she wasn’t running away. She was planning on returning to Melbourne but she had needed to escape for a while. To escape from the life that was being mapped out for her. From her parents or, more correctly, from her parents’ plans for her. All her life she’d played the part of dutiful daughter, baby sister or perfect girlfriend and she wanted, needed, a chance to find out who she was while she was on her own, away from the expectations of her family. ‘Yes. It really is about maximising my experience in the shortest timeframe.’ She went with an edited version of the truth. He didn’t need to know more than that.
‘And when you’re not working? What do you do then?’
‘When I’m not being a tour guide and chauffeur for my relatives, you mean?’
He nodded. ‘What do you do in your spare time? You were out on the reef yesterday. Do you dive?’
‘Was that really only yesterday?’ Georgie shook her head in disbelief. It felt like days ago. ‘That was me playing tour guide. My brother, Stephen, and his wife, were visiting. They are divers so I went out to spend the day with them. I was actually supposed to do an introductory dive but I chickened out. I had grand intentions of trying new things while I was here in Cairns but it turns out I’m not as adventurous as I thought.’
Josh laughed and his grey eyes flashed silver with amusement. ‘Life is for living. You’ve got to experience it.’
‘Believe me, as a paramedic I’ve seen what can go wrong when people try to experience things. I’ve decided I’d rather live to a ripe old age.’
‘Come on, you must have done something slightly adventurous. You’re a Victorian, you must have tried skiing, or have you done any travelling? Bungee-jumping in New Zealand perhaps?’
‘I’ve been to Greece but that’s about it,’ Georgie said. ‘Do you count being lowered from the helicopter by a winch as adventurous?’
‘That’s a good start.’
‘A start! All right, tell me about your wild escapades.’
‘What would you like to hear about, diving with Great White sharks in South Africa or heli-skiing in France?’
Georgie could feel herself growing pale just at the thought of those activities. Working as a paramedic, and prior to that as an emergency nurse, Georgie had seen the results of reckless behaviour too many times. There were some things she had no intention of attempting. ‘You win. I’m not about to try to compete with that. Don’t you realise life is precious?’
‘Of course I do, I just don’t think we should take it too seriously. We have to enjoy it. I went through a bit of a stage where I tried anything and everything with little regard for safety, but I’ve calmed down in my old age. Now I look for something middle of the road, somewhere between mundane and illegal but still fun. Could I tempt you to try something like that with me?’
Josh was grinning at her, his expression full of mischief, and Georgie could just imagine what trouble he’d got up to at times. All sorts of ideas flashed through her mind, most of which she wasn’t about to share with him, but if he thought he could get her to agree to something dangerous just by smiling at her, he was mistaken. ‘Like what?’ she countered.
‘Sky-diving?’
Not what she’d had in mind. She shook her head. ‘No.’ Definitely not.
‘Scuba-diving?’
‘Mmm, unlikely.’ She’d hardly jumped at the chance to try diving yesterday. Josh might fancy his chances but she thought it was doubtful.
‘White-water rafting?’
That sounded a little better. ‘Maybe.’
‘Excellent. A definite maybe!’
‘That’s a “maybe” maybe,’ she said with a smile that morphed into a yawn.
‘Okay, I’ll work on your objections when I see you next but now it looks like it’s time to call it a day.’ He pushed his chair back from the table and stretched. His T-shirt rode up above the waistband of his jeans, exposing inches of toned abdominal muscles right before Georgie’s eyes. She was tempted to reach out and touch him. She could remember how his thigh had felt when she’d fallen against him in the chopper earlier today, hard and warm and muscular, and she wanted to know if the rest of him felt the same. But while she was resisting reaching out to him he had lowered his arms and stepped away to push his chair under the table. ‘Thank you for your invitation. You were right. I didn’t want to spend the evening alone.’
She’d missed her opportunity. Not that she would have dared take it. Josh was a colleague and that meant he was out of bounds.
‘And no one expected you to. I’m glad you came,’ she said, remembering just in time to respond to his thanks as she stood and accompanied him down the stairs that led from the deck to the driveway.
‘Can I repay your hospitality?’ he asked. ‘Can I take you out to dinner? I’d offer to cook but until I move into the apartment the hospital has organised for me I’m afraid the meal will have to come from someone else’s kitchen.’
‘I’d like that, thank you,’ she said, meaning every word.
Josh pressed the button on his keyring and his car beeped as it unlocked. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, then, and we’ll make a date.’ He opened the door but before he got in he leant down and kissed her cheek. His lips were soft and warm. She closed her eyes as his lips brushed her skin. ‘Thanks again.’
It was just a thank-you kiss, she told herself as she watched him reverse out of her driveway. And his invitation to dinner was just a thank you as well. Josh was a colleague. And that was all he could be.