chapter ELEVEN
IT WAS a glorious spring day in Melbourne. One of those perfect days that made up for the many bleak, grey wintry days the city seemed to exist on. Or perhaps that was her perception. In the two months since Georgie had been back in Melbourne every day had seemed grey and wintry.
Today was her parents’ fortieth wedding anniversary, a day her parents had been looking forward to celebrating, but she was having trouble mustering up any enthusiasm. She was pleased for her parents but every time a wedding was mentioned it just served to remind her of her own situation.
She was still single but dating, and for the past few weeks had been seeing Con and Anastasia’s son Michael. She knew Michael was more into the whole idea than she was and it was getting to the stage where she’d have to do something about that. She knew everyone was hoping for some sort of announcement and while he was nice enough they had no chemistry, no spark. Maybe that would come, but all she could think of was the instant connection she’d had with Josh. He’d been a perfect stranger yet they’d had an immediate, physical attraction, an awareness, a connection, and it hadn’t dissipated. If she was honest, it was still overpowering her, making everything else seem paler, less significant, weaker.
She couldn’t bring herself to get excited about anything at the moment. Least of all Michael. But that wasn’t his fault. She wanted Josh and she couldn’t imagine wanting anyone else the same way.
Georgie knew she should be focussing on her future. Josh was history. She hadn’t heard from him since she’d arrived back in Melbourne but it was proving impossible to forget about him.
‘Are you looking forward to dinner tonight?’ Sofia asked her as they sat at the hairdresser together. The official party that had originally been planned to celebrate the anniversary had been replaced with a small dinner for the immediate family due to George’s surgery. The big celebration would now take place in two weeks’ time but Sofia had decided that a family dinner was enough of an occasion to warrant a trip to the beautician and the hair salon.
Georgie looked across at her mother. Today was such a special occasion for her that she would have to try, at least, to pretend to be happy. ‘Of course.’
‘Are you sure you don’t want to invite Michael? You know he’s welcome.’
‘I’m positive. It will be nice to have dinner with just the family. I feel like I still haven’t caught up with all the boys properly since I got home from Cairns,’ Georgie said, making excuses. ‘Michael doesn’t need to come.’
She could feel her mother’s watchful gaze on her but she avoided eye contact. ‘How are things going with him?’
‘Fine.’
‘What does that mean exactly?’
Georgie didn’t need to look at her mother to know she’d raised her eyebrows and was giving her a questioning look. ‘Fine means fine. It means there are no problems, no dramas. There’s no anything really.’ She sighed.
There was a brief silence and Georgie knew her mother was weighing up her next words. ‘Can I ask you a question? When you picture your own fortieth wedding anniversary, who do you see by your side?’
Georgie didn’t respond. She didn’t know what to say. How honest to be.
Sofia didn’t wait for an answer. ‘It’s not Michael, is it?’
Georgie shook her head.
‘Is it Josh?’ Sofia asked.
She risked a glance at her mother. ‘Why do you ask?’
‘For the twenty-seven years that I’ve been lucky enough to be your mother I’ve never seen you look like you do when Josh is around. You glow from within, as though something about him gives you an extra boost, makes you complete. Are you in love with him?’
Georgie swallowed hard. ‘It doesn’t matter if I am. We don’t have a future together.’
‘What makes you say that?’
‘He doesn’t want to get married. He doesn’t want a relationship. His future is about his career.’ Hot tears gathered in her eyes as she remembered that Josh hadn’t chosen her. ‘His dream is to be head of the emergency team at Brisbane General. His dream isn’t me.’
‘Have you heard from him?’
Georgie shook her head.
‘It’s going to make it difficult for you to find someone while you’re still in love with Josh.’
‘I’ll get over him.’ She was not going to admit to her mother that she was right. It wasn’t going to do her any good to acknowledge her feelings. She wished she was brave enough to admit she loved him, but the confidence that Josh had seen in her, the confidence he believed she had, seemed to have forsaken her. Somehow he’d helped her believe in herself. ‘I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. I’m sure you and Dad can find someone for me, seeing as I haven’t done a very good job of that myself. Maybe an arranged marriage isn’t such a bad idea. It worked for you.’
‘Ours was a slightly different proposition.’
Georgie frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Our families came to Australia from the same village in Greece. Your father and I practically grew up together, but when we fell in love we decided the best way to ensure that we were able to get married was to let your grandparents believe they were arranging our marriage.’
‘You fell in love and then got married?’ This version of the story was different from the one Georgie had grown up hearing.
Sofia was nodding. ‘Your father sowed the seeds of the idea and then we let our parents work it out. That arrangement suited everybody. We all got what we wanted. Your grandparents believed they had final approval and your dad and I got each other. Your father wants to see you settled and happy but we don’t want you getting married because we think it’s the right thing for you to do. We would never encourage you to marry someone you don’t love. We want you to be happy.’
Georgie wanted to be happy again too, but right now she was miserable. She wanted to feel complete but she knew that was impossible. She’d gone to Cairns on a mission to find herself. The irony was Josh had helped her to discover her true self, but she couldn’t maintain it without him. She needed him. Part of her had remained behind with Josh and she knew she’d never be complete again without him.
* * *
Josh took the coffee pot off the stove as he tried not to think about the free Saturday that stretched emptily in front of him. It was the first free day he’d had in the past eighteen since he’d moved back to Brisbane General to take up his new position as Head of Emergency. The role had been offered to him earlier than expected and he’d jumped at the chance. Not only was it the job he wanted but it gave him a reason to leave Cairns.
He’d thought leaving Cairns was the answer. He’d thought it would help him get his life back in control. After all, taking up this position meant he was achieving his goals. And leaving Cairns should help him to forget about Georgie. It would remove him from everything they had in common, from all the familiar places they’d shared. But, of course, he took his memories with him and even taking on the new job didn’t keep him busy enough to forget about her.
Last weekend he’d chosen to spend his days at the hospital, finding his feet, he’d told himself, rather than spending the days alone. His own company wasn’t something he normally minded but he wasn’t particularly enjoying his solitude at the moment. He wasn’t particularly enjoying anything.
He thought about what he’d shared with Georgie—sex with no strings attached. It was what he’d asked for and what he’d been given, but it hadn’t been the answer either. Too late he’d discovered that it wasn’t what he truly wanted. He wanted the strings. He missed the strings.
The phone rang, interrupting his sombre thoughts. He recognised the QMERT Cairns number as he answered.
‘Hi, Josh, it’s Lou. How are you? How’s Brisbane? How’s the new job?’ In typical Lou fashion she barely paused for breath.
‘Good.’
There was silence. Josh had expected her to jump straight in with her next question but she was obviously waiting for him to elaborate and he had nothing more to say. The job was good, it was everything he’d expected, but it wasn’t enough. He had the job he wanted but he didn’t have the girl. And he wasn’t about to tell Louise that.
‘I’ve got some mail here for you.’
Louise had his forwarding address. Why was she ringing to tell him about random mail?
‘It’s from Georgie’s parents,’ she said. ‘I got one too. It’s an invitation to their fortieth wedding anniversary celebrations. I’ll send it down to you.’
‘Thanks. When’s the party?’
‘In two weeks,’ Lou said. ‘But why did they send the invitation here? Don’t they know you’re in Brisbane? Haven’t you spoken to Georgie?’
Ah, her phone call made more sense now. ‘No. Why would I have?’
‘I just thought you might have called to tell her you’d got the job and were back in Brisbane. I’m sure she would be pleased for you.’
‘Have you spoken to her?’ he asked. Maybe Louise could tell him what he wanted to know. ‘Is she—?’ He cut himself off. He couldn’t ask the questions he wanted to. Is she seeing anyone? Is she happy? It wasn’t up to Louise to tell him the answers. Lou was right, he should have called Georgie himself. But he couldn’t do that. Somehow that would feel as if he’d be losing control. He changed his words. ‘Is she enjoying being back in Melbourne?’
‘I think she’s taking some time to settle back in. You should call her, tell her you’ll go down to Melbourne for the party.’
‘No. I don’t think I will.’
‘Why not? I thought you’d want to catch up with her. I still don’t understand why you let her go.’
‘Because I’m not the man she’s looking for. I’m not what she needs.’
‘Did she tell you that?’ He could hear the surprise in Lou’s voice.
‘No. She didn’t need to. I’m not cut out for relationships, for commitment. I’m no good at it.’
‘What a load of rubbish. You’ve obviously just never been in the right relationship.’
‘My relationships always end in disaster. She’s better off without me.’
‘There’s always the chance that the two of you would be better off together than apart. Georgie wants someone to love. What if that someone was you? Have you thought about that? Unless, of course, you’re happy alone?’
No, he wasn’t happy, he thought as he hung up the phone, but being alone meant having complete control over his life.
But he didn’t feel like he was in control of anything. His career was supposed to be all he needed but it was no longer enough.
He missed her.
He wanted to know how she was. He wanted to hear about her day. He wanted to be able to come home and share his day with her.
But he had his reasons for not calling. He’d been speaking the truth when he’d told Lou he was no good at relationships. Georgie wanted a happy ending and she wasn’t going to get it from him. It was better for him to be miserable and alone than to make Georgie miserable.
But he missed her.
And she wasn’t coming back. She was hundreds of miles away from him. Waiting for someone else to sweep her off her feet.
The realisation hit him that this was it. This was going to be his life. Georgie wasn’t coming back to him. He hadn’t really imagined what his life was going to be like without her. He couldn’t imagine it.
But what if she loved him like he loved her? What then?
He loved her.
He was an idiot.
He loved her.
Why hadn’t he realised that?
Why did love always make such a fool of him?
The first time he’d been in love, Tricia and his brother had made a fool of him. This time he was doing it without help from anyone else. But this time it wasn’t too late. Or so he hoped. He loved Georgie and this time he had a chance to change the outcome.
Georgie wanted to fall in love. What if she could love him? What if she did love him?
He stirred his coffee as an idea took hold. He figured he had one last chance. He was supposed to thrive on challenges, wasn’t he? He’d taught himself to see challenges in a positive light and this might be his biggest challenge yet. He wasn’t going to let it beat him. It wasn’t over. He had one last chance and he had to take it.
* * *
Josh paced nervously in front of the lounge room fireplace. He’d spent the entire flight from Brisbane to Melbourne rehearsing what he’d say, only to arrive in Melbourne to find Georgie wasn’t home. He had left Brisbane after speaking to Lou, once he’d made his decision he hadn’t waited, but apparently he’d arrived on the actual day of George and Sofia’s fortieth wedding anniversary and Georgie was at the hairdresser with her mother.
Despite his timing, George was pleased, but not overly surprised, to see him. Apparently he and Sofia had been discussing him and trying to work out how to entice him to Melbourne—hence the invitation to the forthcoming anniversary celebrations. His early arrival was greeted with enthusiasm, particularly when Josh explained why he’d appeared on their doorstep.
Now all that remained was to see if Georgie was similarly enthusiastic. If their chemistry was as powerful as he remembered. If she loved him like he loved her. If he could persuade her to follow her heart.
He and George heard the garage door opening, signalling the return of Georgie and her mother. George left Josh in the lounge and would send Georgie in on a pretext without alerting her to the fact that Josh was waiting.
Josh froze as he heard the doorhandle turning. He held his breath as he waited to see who was coming into the room.
Her scent reached him first.
Honey and cinnamon. It washed over him in a wave of memories.
The fireplace where he stood was on the same side of the room as the door and he knew she hadn’t noticed him yet, so he took a moment just to look at her. Her tan had faded since she’d been away from the tropical Queensland sun, but her skin was still smooth and golden and her hair was still glossy and thick. It wasn’t constrained but hung in a thick, straight shiny sheath over her shoulders.
She still hadn’t noticed him but he’d seen her now and his feet were moving without direction from him, taking him towards her.
* * *
Georgie opened the lounge room door to retrieve her father’s glasses. Movement to her left made her jump. There was someone in the room. There was someone moving towards her.
‘Josh?’ For a moment she wondered if her imagination was playing tricks on her. He’d been in her thoughts so much. Was she now starting to have visions? But it was him, in her parents’ lounge room. His familiar gait, his familiar figure, his broad shoulders, his spiky sandy blond hair, it was definitely him.
He smiled at her and the silver flecks sparkled in his grey eyes. Her heart skipped a beat and she was halfway across the room, meeting him in the middle, halfway into his arms, before she remembered she didn’t have the right to be there any more.
She stopped in her tracks. ‘What are you doing here?’
She’d spent the afternoon talking about him and now he was here. In her house. This made no sense.
He didn’t share her hesitation. In two strides he’d closed the remaining distance between them. ‘I came to see you,’ he said as he gathered her in his arms. She clung to him. It felt so good to be back in his embrace. She could feel his heart beating next to hers, echoing the rhythm.
She looked up, turning her head to him, lifting her mouth to his, and that was all it took for Josh to claim her. His lips covered hers, hungrily, passionately. There was nothing soft and gentle about this kiss. It released all the longing that had built up in the days they’d been separated. This kiss brought them home.
It left her feeling light-headed and weak-kneed and, as usual, Josh could read her thoughts. He took her hand and led her to a sofa.
‘Why are you here?’ Georgie couldn’t remember if she’d asked him that or if he’d already told her. Her thoughts were completely chaotic and confused.
‘I didn’t get to say goodbye.’
‘You came all the way to Melbourne to say goodbye?’
‘No. I came all the way to Melbourne because I couldn’t say goodbye. I don’t want to say goodbye. I came to see you because there are some things I need to know.’
He was still holding her hand. His touch sent shivers of desire through her and made it impossible for her to speak. She sat beside him, mute with surprise.
He leant forward and lifted her hair in his palm, burying his face in it and inhaling deeply. Georgie closed her eyes as she felt his breath on her neck. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she could feel herself leaning in towards him, yearning for his touch. ‘I remember your scent perfectly,’ he said. ‘And I needed to know if our chemistry was real or whether my memory has been deceiving me. Can I still read your thoughts? Do you miss me like I’ve missed you?’
‘You’ve missed me?’
He nodded. ‘Every minute of every day.’ He reached up again and tucked her hair behind her ear. ‘And I have to know, have you missed me too or has Michael made you forget all about me?’
‘You know about Michael?’
Josh nodded. ‘Your father told me. Does he make you happy? Is he the one for you? If he is, I’ll leave now. You just have to tell me.’
His arrival had totally confused her but she did know one thing. She shook her head. ‘Michael isn’t for me.’ This was her chance to be honest with Josh. Something had brought him to Melbourne, to her. She wanted no regrets. ‘There’s no spark,’ she said. ‘Before I met you I thought it didn’t matter but now I think I need more. I want more. I want passion, excitement, exhilaration, all those things I said weren’t important. I want fireworks and everything that goes with them. I want to fall in love.’
‘Do you think you could love me?’
She wasn’t sure she was planning on being that honest. Did Josh need to know her heart already belonged to him? She hesitated but Josh didn’t wait for her reply.
‘I came to ask you to marry me.’
‘Marry you?’ Georgie couldn’t understand what was happening. She felt as though she was watching a movie of someone else’s life but she’d missed the beginning. ‘But you don’t want to get married.’
‘I didn’t want to but I’ve changed my mind. You’ve changed my mind.’
Georgie was more confused than ever. ‘What happened to the man who was focussing on his career? Who didn’t need relationships?’
‘I have the job I wanted and it’s fantastic, but it’s not enough. It’s challenging, it’s rewarding, it’s keeping me busy. At the end of the day I don’t want to go home, but that’s not because I can’t bear to leave work—it’s because I don’t want to go home and find that you’re not there. There’s more to my future than my career. You are my future. I want you. I need you.’
Georgie waited but the words she longed to hear didn’t come. If he didn’t love her then what was he doing here?
‘Are you sure I’m not just the next challenge in your life?’
He frowned and the silver flecks in his eyes darkened to grey. ‘What do you mean?’
‘You thrive on challenges. You set yourself a goal and when you achieve it you need a new goal. For the past eight years that goal has been your career. Now that box is ticked. You’ve avoided relationships ever since Tricia died and now that your career is on track suddenly you’re ready to get married?’ She didn’t want to be his next challenge. This wasn’t what she’d been dreaming of. ‘Are you sure this is what you want? Have you really thought about this?’
‘This is not about Tricia,’ Josh argued. ‘It hasn’t been about her for a long time. When she died I lost two relationships, one with her and one with my brother, and I admit it did change my view of the world. I made a decision to put my energy into my studies and my career. I wanted to concentrate on things I could have some degree of control over. I decided not to invest time and energy into relationships but that was a conscious decision. I recovered a long time ago but, until recently, I haven’t had any reason to change my mind about relationships. Until I met you.
‘You have opened my eyes and opened my heart. Everything has changed for me since I met you. I tried to tell myself it was Cairns affecting me, making me see things differently, but it wasn’t. It was you. You showed me how to let people back into my life. I had closed myself off and you opened me up.
‘The night before you left Cairns I could have made it to The Sandbar but I chose not to. I was afraid I might not be able to say goodbye. I didn’t want you to go but I couldn’t ask you to stay because I was afraid of what that might mean. I was scared that I might fall in love. I didn’t realise I’d already fallen in love with you.’
He loved her.
‘You do challenge me but you are not a challenge. You challenged the way I saw myself and you made me reassess my life. I can’t ignore my feelings. I can’t pretend I want to be alone any more. Everything is better when you are with me. I am better.’ He got off the couch and knelt beside her on one knee. ‘I want to share my life with you.’ He picked up her hand. ‘I know you. You exist here…’ he touched their hands to his forehead ‘…and here…’ He touched their hands to his heart. ‘You’re part of me,’ he said as he kissed her hand. ‘I love you, Georgie, and I want you to be my wife. Will you marry me?’
He loved her and he wanted her to be his wife.
But could she marry him? There was so much they’d never discussed, so many differences. But were they big enough to stop her from having the one thing she wanted?
‘What is it? What’s wrong?’ he asked, and she could hear the worry in his voice. She needed to find a way to make this work. He loved her and she was determined to make sure they got their hearts’ desires.
‘My parents—’
‘Want you to be happy,’ Josh interrupted. ‘Your father has given us his blessing. He’s told me the decision is yours.’
‘He has?’
Josh nodded. ‘Your father is on our side and you can let me worry about your mother.’
Georgie knew he’d have no problem there. She smiled at him. She knew exactly how her mother felt about Josh and if her parents were prepared to give their blessing she knew she could have what her heart desired. ‘My mother thinks the only thing wrong with you is that you don’t want to get married. Now she’ll believe you’re perfect.’
Josh grinned and his eyes flashed silver again. ‘So that just leaves you. Do you love me?’
Georgie nodded. ‘I’ve only ever loved you.’ She never would have believed that she could love someone so completely. ‘I’ve been waiting for you my whole life.’
‘And will you marry me?’
‘Do you trust me with your heart?’ She had to know he could trust her to love him completely and only him. ‘Do you believe I will love, honour and keep you? When I say you are the only man for me, do you know that I mean it?’ She had to know that he didn’t doubt her words, that he believed her promises.
Josh nodded. ‘I know how you feel about your family. If you love me and if you will marry me and make me part of your family, that’s all I need. You are all I need. I have faith in you and me. I trust in us.’
‘And you realise what you’re getting yourself into?’ she asked. She had to be sure. ‘A big Greek family and everything that goes along with that?’
‘Why do you think we’re going to live in Brisbane?’ He was smiling at her but he’d never looked more serious. He held both her hands, holding her to him. ‘I promise to keep a spare room ready for your family and to fly your parents up to visit whenever they want. I will immerse myself in all of it if you’ll marry me.’
She had seen how he’d cared for her parents. She’d seen how he’d looked after her. She trusted him. She loved him. She belonged to him. They belonged to each other. Fate had brought them together and she knew he’d keep his promises. She knew he’d do anything for her, just as she would for him.
‘I love you more than I ever imagined it was possible to love someone,’ she told him. ‘I will marry you. I am yours. Now and for ever.’ She leant forward and kissed him, sealing their commitment, sealing their love. ‘I love you now and I promise I will love you just as much on our fortieth wedding anniversary and on every one before and after.’