“I don’t know what to say,” I whispered.
“The bad news for you, there’s nothing for you to say. You’re right, I’m here to right wrongs and I’m gonna do it, Angel. You told me I’d had my last chance but I don’t accept that and I won’t. If you tell me now that my explanation is not enough and you want me gone, I’m not goin’. I’m not giving up. I got one part of my life’s dream still open to me, every sign she gives me is screaming that she’s standing in my arms right now and I’m not gonna be ninety years old, looking back on my life and regretting that I gave up that dream.”
It was then I realized I was breathing heavily.
And through that, I forced out, “Mike, you don’t want kids. I do. Not a little. A whole lot. I’m not going to –”
He cut me off with, “How many?”
I blinked and asked, “What?”
“How many kids do you want?”
“Perfect world, two. But I’d take one.”
“This works out, we’d make beautiful babies.”
It was then I realized I wasn’t breathing at all.
With effort, I forced out, “Are you serious?”
“Are you serious that you want kids?” he shot back.
I nodded.
“Then yes.”
“But how can you change your mind just like that?” I asked.
“Honey, you ran away from me nearly three weeks ago. It was not ‘just like that’. Dreams don’t happen and that’s it. You have to feed them and keep them alive. And if kids feed you, it would far from suck to give you that. Do I want to be a new Dad in my forties? Fuck no. If I get my dream, am I willing to feed it what it needs? Absolutely.”
I didn’t know what to do with this. I couldn’t even process it.
“But you don’t want to be a new Dad in your forties,” I reminded him of something he just then told me.
His arm got tighter, he pushed me deeper into the wall and his voice got lower when he said, “This is the deal, Angel. You…ran…away from me. And I tasted regret for the first time in my life. And that didn’t sting, it fuckin’ killed. So you need to know this. You want kids, I’ll give them to you and, trust me, sweetheart, I’ll be happy. I like kids and, like I said, you and me’ll make beautiful ones. Now, I can’t move until Reesee is in college. After that, you want Texas, I’ll be there. Before that, we’ll find some way to deal.”
“Mike,” I whispered, “we’ve known each other in real-life terms for a day.”
“No, Dusty. I’ve loved you since you were twelve and I’ve read your diaries, you can’t deny you felt the same fuckin’ thing. You weren’t old enough then for my thoughts to go there but we both know that bond started then and we both know just how it changed when it snapped tight in that hotel room. I’m not saying we drop to the floor right now and start tryin’ for a baby and I’m not askin’ you to marry me. I am sayin’ that I care about you, I do it deeply and I have for a really fuckin’ long time. We’re gonna explore this and I hope to God the feelin’ I got is not wrong because I tried time and again to make it feel wrong but all it ever felt was right.”
I stared into his dark brown eyes that, throughout this, never left mine.
Then I whispered, “I can’t go through that again, what you did to me.”
“I won’t make you.”
“Mike –”
His head dropped so his lips were nearly on mine and his eyes were so close they were all I could see.
“I won’t make you.”
God, his words were a rumbly growl I felt against my skin where, I swear, it felt like they were seeping in, entering my bloodstream, warm and sweet.
I heard my cell ring and my eyes went from Mike’s to his shoulder since he was so close I couldn’t see around him.
“Leave it,” he ordered and I looked back up at him.
“I can’t,” I said softly. “Rhonda isn’t good. The boys are out at a movie with her tonight and if –”
He let me go but immediately grabbed my hand and walked me to the coffee table where my phone was.
We both looked down at the display.
“Not the boys,” Mike stated on a mutter but I saw who was on the display. My chest seized, my mind went blank with fury and even with my hand still held in Mike’s, I bent, snatched it up and used my thumb to take the call.
Then I put it to my ear.
“You’re on drugs having the gall to call me,” I said to my bitchface sister and felt Mike’s hand tighten in mine even as his body drew nearer.
“Nice,” she hissed.
“Unless you’re calling to apologize for what you’ve been doing to Rhonda and how you’ve flipped out Fin, I have not one thing to say to you,” I announced.
“Oh yes you do. I own a quarter of that farm and –” she started.
“I’m buying you out,” I declared and Mike got even closer.
“Do you think I’d let you buy me out?” Debbie hooted in my ear.