And I sat on my ass in Mike’s gorgeous, six thousand dollar bed and stared at the doors thinking that it would eventually have to happen. It couldn’t be beautiful and perfect every second of every day only marred by outside factors we couldn’t control.
But with my history, I expected that it would be Mike who’d do something that would make him a pain in my ass.
I never suspected it would be the other way around.
*
“I don’t feel up to it, Dusty.”
I stood in the double doors of the family farm and stared at Rhonda who was lounging on the couch, eyes to early morning TV.
Mike did not return to our room and when I got dressed and went downstairs, I saw a note he’d written to the kids to say he was going to Hilligoss to get donuts. At the bottom it said, See you tonight, Dusty.
This meant I was dismissed. This didn’t piss me off. It also didn’t scare me. I couldn’t imagine Mike was the kind of guy who held grudges, not after trying to make his marriage work for the length of time he did it. I figured Mike was the kind of guy who got pissed fast, it burned bright and if you gave him time, he’d be approachable for you to sort shit out.
Or at least I hoped so.
The one thing I knew was that I’d find out eventually and I had too much to do, I had to see about doing it. I’d be doing it worried about what went down with Mike but I didn’t have the luxury of popping open a carton of ice cream at seven o’clock in the morning and obsessing (or waiting for Hilligoss for that matter). I had to keep on keeping on. I also sensed I had to give Mike a chance to cool down. So I did that.
I grabbed a bowl of cereal, downed it fast, wrote a note to Mike, No and Rees telling them to enjoy their day and I’d see them that night and carried my cup of coffee over to the farm with me. Then I’d gone directly to Rhonda.
I’d just asked her to come out to the barn and help me feed my horses then help Mom and me crate my pottery. She needed to step up. This had to end.
Thursday night, Mike, Dad and I had the talk with Fin about what had happened at Mike’s house even though he already knew something went down. Rees had also been there. Mike had talked with No alone that morning before school. With what he said to Fin, I figured he did well with No since what he said to Fin was good. Still, as I suspected, Fin looked to Rees. She nodded her head that she agreed with her Dad, something I suspected Mike had primed her to do. So Fin promised no retribution and if anything further went down in school or out of it, he, like No and Rees, would report it to Principal Klausen as well as Mike and me.
Rhonda and Mom had sat with us through this talk. Mom did it worrying her lip. Rhonda did it like she’d had an exhausting day, was camped out in front of not very good TV and zoned out, not taking anything in.
It pissed me off.
And now, after having a spat with Mike, I was in no mood for her shit.
“Rhonda,” I called and without her taking her eyes from the TV she asked, “Hmm?”
I drew in breath.
Then I walked to the TV and turned it off.
Her body jolted minutely and her eyes drifted to me.
“Dusty, honey, I was watchin’ that,” she told me something I already knew.
“You aren’t watching it anymore. You’re going upstairs, putting on a pair of jeans, some boots and a t-shirt. Then I’m teaching you how to feed my horses and how to muck out their stalls. When you’re done with that, I’m teaching you how to crate my pottery.”
“I can muck out your stalls, Dusty.”
This came from Kirby.
I turned to the doors to see Kirb standing there and Fin walking down the stairs.
That was my gentle Kirby, taking his Mom’s back.
“You’re on a tractor today,” I reminded him.
“I can join Gramps and Fin later,” Kirby replied.
“You can, honey, and it’s sweet of you to offer, but you aren’t,” I told him.
“What’s goin’ on?” Fin asked, his eyes moving from one to the other of us.
“Aunt Dusty needs a hand with the horses,” Kirby told his brother. “I’m gonna help her out with that before I hit a tractor.”
“Kirb, love you, babe, but you know that’s not what we’re talking about,” I stated gently and looked at Fin. “I’m asking your mother to help. But this is between me and your Mom so you guys go on out to the pole barn. Dad’s already out there.”
Neither moved much. Kirby shuffled and Fin’s eyes cut to his Mom.
“You helpin’ Aunt Dusty?” he asked.
“I’m thinkin’ I’m not feelin’ up to it today,” Rhonda replied, her voice soft.
“Yeah, and you weren’t up to much yesterday or the day before that or the week before that or the fuckin’ month before that,” Fin clipped, his tone hard, his face harder and I sucked in breath. I figured he likely cursed but I’d never heard him curse at his mother.
“Fin –” I started.
“Finley, we don’t use that word,” Rhonda talked over me.
He threw out his hands as his eyes narrowed, “Oh, you gonna be a Mom now? Is that it? You’re gonna be a Mom now when for the last three months you been nothin’ but a zombie.”