A short while later, Julia said good-bye to Diane and her father. She’d thought that perhaps they were living together, at least a few nights a week, and was surprised when Diane explained that they weren’t, out of respect for her mama, whom she lived with.
Now Julia began to understand why Diane was in such a hurry to get married and have a home of her own.
After dessert was served, Richard Clark sat on the back porch, drinking Scotch and smoking a cigar. The air was cool and quiet. If he closed his eyes he could almost imagine his wife, Grace, coming out the back door and settling in the Adirondack chair next to him.
Heaviness overtook his heart. She would never sit next to him again.
“How are you?”
Richard opened his eyes to see his daughter-in-law, Julia, sitting in the nearest chair. She’d tucked her slim legs up under her and was wrapped in one of Gabriel’s old cashmere cardigans.
Richard switched his cigar to his left hand and moved the ashtray so it wouldn’t bother her.
“I’m well, how are you?”
“I’m okay.”
“Dinner was great,” he offered. “Really exceptional.”
“I tried to replicate some of the dishes we had in Italy. I’m glad you liked it.” She leaned her head back against the chair, staring up at the dark sky.
He tasted the Scotch again, sensing that something was troubling her. But not wishing to force a confidence, he was silent.
“Richard?”
He chuckled. “I thought we’d agreed that you’d call me Dad.”
“Of course, Dad. Sorry.” She ran a fingernail down the arm of the chair, scoring the wood.
“No need to be sorry. We’re family, Julia. And if you ever need anything, I’m here.”
“Thank you.” She traced a finger across the wound she’d given the chair. “Does it bother you that we’ve changed things? Inside the house?”
Richard hesitated before answering.
“The bathroom needed to be renovated, and it was smart to add another on the main floor and in the master bedroom. Grace would have liked what you did with the kitchen. She begged me for granite countertops for years.”
Julia felt her heart clench.
“We kept a lot of things the same.”
“Please don’t worry. Grace would have helped you redecorate the house gladly, if she were here.”
“Are you comfortable in the guest room? I was wondering if you’d changed your mind about staying there.”
“It’s good of you to ask, but I’m not bothered by any of these things. It troubles me that Grace is gone and she isn’t coming back. I’m afraid that feeling will never go away.”
Richard focused on his wedding ring, a plain gold band.
“When I’m inside the house, sometimes, I swear I hear her voice or smell her perfume. I don’t feel her when I’m in Philadelphia. My condo has no memory of her.” He smiled to himself. “Our separation isn’t so bad when I’m here.”
“Is it painful?”
“Yes.”
Julia sat for a moment, as she thought about how she’d feel if she lost Gabriel. She’d be devastated.
The length of a human life was uncertain. One could get cancer, or die in a car accident, and in the blink of an eye a family would be torn apart.
From somewhere, Julia heard a little voice whisper, If you had a child with Gabriel, you’d always have a part of him.
The voice, more than the thought behind it, made her shiver.
Noticing her reaction, Richard stood up and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders.
“Thank you,” she murmured. “Do you like living in Philadelphia?”
“My research position isn’t quite what I expected. I’ve been thinking about retiring.” He flicked the ashes into the ashtray. “I moved to be closer to Rachel and Scott, but I don’t see them much. They’re busy with their own lives. All my friends, including your father, are here.”
“Move back.”
“What’s that?” He turned in his chair to face her.
“Move back to Selinsgrove. Live here.”
“This is your home now, with my son.”
“We’re only here during vacations. We can switch bedrooms immediately and you can move your things back from Philadelphia.”
He raised his cigar to his lips. “It’s kind of you to offer, but I made my choice. I sold the house to Gabriel over a year ago.”
“He’d be happier knowing you were where you belong.”
Richard shook his head. “I’d never go back on my word.”
Julia wracked her brain for a persuasive strategy.
“It would be a mitzvah for us. And we need the blessing.”
Richard chuckled.
“That’s the kind of thing I used to say to Gabriel, on occasion, when he was being stubborn. What kind of blessing do you need?”
Julia’s expression shifted.
“I have an unanswered prayer.”