“I know you don’t think very highly of him. But that’s because you don’t know him. He told me his involvement with Singer was temporary and that it ended a long time ago. And so we’re clear, Paul, I believed him.” Julia said those last few words with no little intensity.
Paul rubbed at his chin. “I told you that I filed a complaint against Professor Pain last year. Soraya Harandi was her attorney. I sat in on Singer’s Medieval Torture seminar because I hoped she would cover material relating to my dissertation. Then she hit on me. At first, I brushed it off. Then I received a strange email from her. She was careful to make her language ambiguous, but anyone from her seminar would have understood that she was propositioning me. So I filed a complaint.
“Unfortunately, Soraya Harandi did a hell of a job convincing the university that I’d misunderstood the email and that I was embellishing my reports of what she said to me in person. It was my word against Singer’s.
“The only person on my side at the hearing was Dr. Chakravartty. She brought up emails that Singer had sent to other people and argued that there was a pattern. But Dr. Aras excused me as soon as she mentioned them. So I have no idea who they were to or what was in them. Professor Pain was given a warning and told to stay away from me. I never heard from her again. But I always wondered who else she went after. I was hoping that Emerson protected you from her.”
“He did. I haven’t had any contact with her, and he hasn’t either. I’m really sorry that happened to you.”
He shrugged. “It still pisses me off that she got away with it. That she’s still getting away with it. That’s why non-fraternization policies are in place—to protect students and their academic careers.”
They were both quiet for a moment, sipping their coffees.
“I’m sorry I lied to you.” She gazed at him with watery eyes.
He held her gaze, then looked down and sighed. “I’d probably have done the same.”
Then he moved to hold her hand again.
*
By the time Julia returned home, her mood had improved considerably. She didn’t feel well, mind you, or whole. For how could she be whole when her other half had rejected her?
After a productive weekend, Julia was heartened enough by the progress she made on her schoolwork to return one of Nicole’s telephone calls. Nicole wondered why Julia stopped coming to her weekly therapy sessions. Julia shyly explained that she and Gabriel were no longer together and that he’d been paying for her therapy, to which her therapist responded that Gabriel was continuing to pay for her therapy—indefinitely.
Luckily, both women agreed that it would be inappropriate to allow him to continue footing the bill, especially since he had effectively created the new, pressing reason for Julia to continue with therapy. So Gabriel’s money was unceremoniously returned to him and new fees were assessed on a sliding scale, geared to Julia’s income.
In other words, Nicole would charge Julia a ridiculously low fee in keeping with her fixed income as a student and be perfectly happy to do so. In their appointment on Wednesday, roughly two weeks after Gabriel’s departure, they discussed Julia’s heartbreak and the way in which she’d chosen to deal with it. Nicole challenged her to focus on the positive aspects of her life and also, to finish her thesis. Both aspects of her advice resonated with Julia.
That evening, after having made progress on her writing, Julia fell asleep. She felt the bed shift and a warm body curled around her like a cocoon, drawing her close. An all too familiar nose nuzzled her neck, and the softest whisper of breath blew across her shoulder.
“Gabriel?”
He hummed into her skin but didn’t answer.
“I missed you so much,” she whispered, tears suddenly streaming down her face.
Gabriel was silent as he reached up to wipe away her tears, then he pressed his lips to her cheeks over and over again.
“I know you loved me.” Julia relaxed into their spooned position and closed her eyes. “I just don’t understand why you didn’t love me enough to stay.”
The hands that held her tightly relaxed minutely until they finally disappeared altogether, leaving Julia alone and cold in her single bed.
*
Julia spent part of the next morning staring out the window, contemplating the very strange dream she’d had the night before. Gabriel had returned to her, but he was still silent. He hadn’t offered an explanation or begged for forgiveness. He’d simply rejoined her in bed.
She’d nestled into him, his body familiar and comforting. She’d sighed in relief at his return, her subconscious unwilling or unable to reject him.
It wasn’t really a dream—just a different kind of nightmare.
After a modest breakfast, she checked her emails and text messages. As she scrolled through the incoming texts on her iPhone, she received the following from Rachel: