“It’s a family name. My great-grandfather was named Virgil…He never read Dante, trust me. He was a dairy farmer in Essex, Vermont.”
Julia smiled her admiration. “I think Virgil is a beautiful name. And it’s a great honor to be named after a noble poet.”
“Just like it’s a great honor to be named after Helen of Troy, Julia Helen. And very fitting too.” His eyes grew soft, and he gazed at her admiringly.
She looked away, embarrassed.
Paul cleared his throat as a means of lessening the sudden tension between them. “Emerson never uses this carrel—except to drop things off for me. But it belongs to him, and he pays for it.”
“They aren’t free?”
Paul shook his head and unlocked the door. “No. But they’re totally worth it because they’re air conditioned and heated, they have wireless internet access, and you can store books in here without checking them out at the circulation desk. So if there is anything you need—even if it’s reference material that you can’t check out—you can store it in here.”
Julia looked at the small but comfortable space as if it were the Promised Land, her eyes wide as they wandered over the large built-in workspace, comfortable chairs and floor to ceiling bookshelves. A small window offered a very nice view of the downtown skyline and the CN tower. She wondered how much it would cost to live in a carrel rather than in her not-fit-for-a-dog hobbit hole.
“In fact,” said Paul, clearing some papers off one of the bookshelves, “I’ll give you this shelf. And you can have my extra key.”
He fished around and came up with a spare key, writing a number down on a piece of paper. “That’s the number on the door, in case you have trouble finding it again, and here’s the key.”
Julia stood, gaping. “I can’t. He hates me, and he won’t like this.”
“Fuck him.”
Her eyes widened in surprise.
“I’m sorry. I don’t usually cuss—that much. At least, not in front of girls. I mean, women.”
She nodded, but that was not exactly why she was surprised.
“Emerson is never here. You can store your books, and he’ll think they’re mine. If you don’t want him to catch you, you don’t have to work in here. Just drop by when I’m around—I’m here a lot. Then if he sees you, he’ll think we’re working together. Or something.”
He smiled sheepishly. He really wanted to key her—to know that she could drop by at any time. To see her things on his shelf…to study and to work next to her.
But Julia didn’t want to be keyed.
“Please.” He took her pale hand in his and gently opened her fingers. He felt her hesitate, and so he ran his thumb across the back of her hand just to reassure her. He pressed the key and the paper into her palm and closed her fingers, taking great care not to press too hard lest he bruise her. He knew that Emerson had bruised her enough.
“Real isn’t what you are; it’s something that happens. And right now, you need something good to happen to you.”
Julia started at his words, for he had no idea how true they were.
Is he paraphrasing from…? Impossible.
She looked up into his eyes. They were warm and friendly. She didn’t see anything calculating or crude. She didn’t see anything underhanded or harsh. Maybe he truly liked her. Or maybe he simply felt sorry for her. Whatever his mysterious motivations, in that instant Julia chose to believe that the universe was not entirely dark and disappointing and that there were still vestiges of goodness and virtue, and so she accepted the key with a bowed head.
“Don’t cry, little Rabbit.”
Paul reached out to stroke away a tear that had not yet fallen. But he thought better of it and placed his hand at his side.
Julia turned away, ashamed of the sudden and intense rush of emotions she was having, over being keyed of all things, and having him cite beloved children’s literature to her. As she frantically looked for something, anything, to distract herself, her eyes alighted on a CD that was sitting by its lonesome on one of the bookshelves. She picked it up. Mozart’s Requiem.
“Do you like Mozart?” she asked, turning the jewel case over in her hand.
Paul averted his eyes.
She was surprised. She moved as if to put the CD case back, worried she had embarrassed him by going through his personal effects, but he stopped her.
“It’s all right, you can look at it. But it’s not mine. It’s Emerson’s.”
Once again, Julia felt cold all over and slightly sick.
Paul saw her reaction this time and started speaking very quickly. “Don’t tell anyone, but I stole it.”
Her eyebrows lifted.
“I know—it’s terrible. But he was playing one track from the damn thing over and over and over again in his office, while I was cataloging part of his personal library. Lacrimosa, lacrimosa, lacri-fuckin’-mosa. I couldn’t take it anymore! It’s so damned depressing. So I stole it from his office and hid it here. Problem solved.”
Julia laughed. She closed her eyes and laughed.