“As if I could even contemplate living without you.” He drew her to him, the desperate passion of his tortured soul binding the two together.
She met him movement for movement, taking and giving all at once as she leaned over the beautiful man who rested his weary head in her lap. His mouth found her wrists as he kissed them with wet, open kisses, sucking gently at the delicate place where pale veins were covered by rice-paper skin.
“Forgive me, Julianne, but I need you. My sweet, sweet girl. So much.” His eyes were a blue fire, and his voice was gravelly.
Before she knew what was happening, he’d repositioned himself so that he was sitting on the couch and she was straddling him. Their upper bodies pressed tightly together, his hands worshipping the gentle sway of her lower back and the curve of her behind through her wool trousers.
In the back of her mind, Julia recalled one of the black-and-white photographs from Gabriel’s bedroom. And in that instant, she recognized its beauty and its passion from a first person perspective. It was want and need and desperation and deep, deep unconditional love now made free through the telling of dark, hidden secrets.
He felt her love in her kiss, her embrace, the way her fingers lightly brushed the back of his neck and the surface of his tattoo, coaxing open-mouthed kisses up and down the lines of his chest. She would give him everything. She would do anything to take away his pain, including offering up herself.
The Sacrifice of Isaac.
With trembling fingers, she undid the buttons of her blouse and slipped it from her shoulders. A faint gasp from Gabriel’s mouth mirrored the sound of the silk sinking slowly to the floor.
She was his atonement.
Chapter 32
Julia awoke the next morning stark naked.
Or so she thought.
She was in Gabriel’s bed with their bodies wrapped around each other. Her head rested on his shoulder while his left arm ran across her right hip, their legs scissored, their hips pressed close.
She moved a hand down his back until she found soft cotton covering his most beautiful of curves, which she explored surreptitiously. Then she looked in between them and realized she was wearing her pink bra and panties.
In her dream, they’d fallen into bed naked and made love for hours. Gabriel had placed his body over hers and held her gaze like a magnet as he entered into her slowly, until the two became one. An eternal circle with no end and no beginning. He’d worshipped her with his body and his words, and it was far more emotional and lovely than she’d ever dared hope.
But it was only a dream. She sighed and closed her eyes as the previous evening’s events came flooding back. Sorrow and relief commingled and spread across her heart; sorrow for Gabriel’s loss and tortured desperation, and relief that all their secrets had now been spoken.
Gabriel murmured her name, his eyes moving beneath his eyelids in deep REM sleep. He’d been so tired the night before. So broken. Julia kissed his cheek and quietly extricated herself from his arms, padding to the bathroom.
When she regarded herself in the mirror, she saw wild, rumpled hair, smeared eye makeup, and lips made fuller from kissing. Several love bites, mild in color and quite painless, dappled her neck and chest. He’d been a gentle but enthusiastic lover.
She washed her face and brushed her hair, taming her mane into a high ponytail and provocatively forsaking her purple bathrobe for one of Gabriel’s button down shirts. She fetched the Globe and Mail from the exterior hallway and waved a shy good morning to Gabriel’s nervous but not entirely unfortunate-looking next door neighbor, who stared through his rimless spectacles at her shapely bare legs before retreating like a frightened mouse into his apartment. He was not used to seeing such beauty so early in the morning, and he’d been clad only in Superman pajama bottoms of dubious origin.
When Julia entered the kitchen she was faced with a mess, for no one had cleaned up after dinner, their hands and minds too full for such pedestrian concerns. After indulging in a slice of apple pie with Vermont cheddar, Julia proceeded to return Gabriel’s apartment to its formerly pristine condition. It took longer than she anticipated.
When the kitchen was spotless and Gabriel still had not emerged from his bed, she poured herself a very large mug of coffee and sat in his favorite chair by the fireplace with the newspaper. The sight of his Oxford shirt and her silk blouse lying on top of one another on the floor brought a blush to her cheeks and a smile to her lips.
“And this, alas! is more than we would do.”
Gabriel had stopped her. She would have given herself to him gladly because she loved him. For her, it was not a matter of if she would make love with him, but when. But Gabriel had mumbled something against her naked breast and stopped.