“EAT IT WITH YOUR CHICKEN FACE!”
It's complete and utter child anarchy and before I can pick a kid to yell at, the organ music changes and begins playing the song that I needed to walk down the aisle to with Gavin and Melissa right behind me.
I quickly bend down in front of both of them and stare them square in the face with as stern of an expression as I can muster.
“Both of you little monsters, listen up. As soon as you step foot out of those doors, you better have smiles on your faces and your outside voices duct taped inside your bodies. If you speak, push, shove, swear, argue, or even blink at each other I will haul your asses out of that church and lock you in the basement with the scary clowns.”
I huff to emphasize my point and stand, tugging up the front of my strapless dress.
“If I see a clown, I’m going to punch him in the nuts.”
“Gavin Allen!” I scold.
“What? We didn’t step fru dose doors yet,” he argues, pointing behind me.
“Kid has a point,” Liz whispers.
“Behave,” I whisper through clenched teeth as I turn and nodded to the two church attendants so they can open the double doors for my entrance.
“My mom’s not afraid to punch a kid,” I hear Gavin whisper to Melissa as I take my first step down the aisle.
Thankfully, my threat pays off and both kids make it to the front of the church without killing each other. The ceremony is beautiful and the only interruption came during communion.
Liz is Catholic so she had wanted a full, Roman Catholic service. Carter is a “sort-of” Catholic in that he was baptized, made his First Communion and everything else he was required to do while growing up, but he only goes to church for holidays, weddings, and funerals. Regardless, when it comes time for communion, he gets in line and takes Gavin with him since Gavin is on his side of the church through the ceremony.
I really don’t believe in any one religion, but I have been known to sit in on a few services every once in a while just in case someone up there is taking notes. I sit in my seat in the front row with one other bridesmaid who isn’t Catholic and we watch the procession and smile at those who walk by. I crane my neck and watch happily as Carter holds Gavin’s hand while he stands in front of the priest and receives his little Jesus wafer. In the quiet serenity of the process, with only the beautiful sounds of the organ to fill the silence, Gavin’s voice bursts through the tranquility.
“Whatchu got in your mouth?”
I bite my lip and cringe at how easily Gavin’s voice carries through the church. Carter bends over and whispers something to Gavin as they turn and start to walk back to their seats in the front row on the opposite side of the church from me.
“GIMMEE WHATCHU GOT IN YOUR MOUTH!”
I cover my eyes with my hand but not before seeing Gavin try to shove his little hand into Carter’s mouth. Carter smacks his hand away and as they both sit down, Carter pulls his cell phone out of the pants pocket of his tux and hands it over to Gavin. His face lights up with glee as he snatches the phone out of Carter’s hand and sits down quietly next to him. Obviously, Carter is quickly learning that as a parent, nothing works quite as well as bribery. Seconds later the opening notes from Angry Birds blare through the soft din of organ music, and Carter quickly grabs the phone from Gavin to silence the sounds while Gavin yells, “Heeeey! I was playing that!”
The ceremony finally ends and we spend the next couple of hours getting pictures taken. Before I know it, we are finishing up dinner at the reception and the wait staff begin clearing tables. As part of the wedding party, we are all seated at the long head-table at the front of the room. It’s always fun to sit facing a group of two hundred strangers so they can watch you eat.
Carter takes his seat next to me after a quick trip to the bathroom, and I noticed he was rubbing his shoulder in pain.
“What happened?”
“I passed Jenny and Drew on the way back from the bathroom. She wanted to know if I loved the Balsa McChicken we had for dinner,” Carter explains with a raise of one eyebrow.
“I take it you told her it’s called balsamic chicken?”
“No. I asked her if that was something new McDonald’s was serving on their menu with the McRib. Drew punched me.”
I glance around the room until I find my father and see him getting up from his table. He offers to head out early and take Gavin home with him as soon as he gets tired. I look at the chair next to me where Gavin is currently asleep on his stomach with his head, arms, and legs dangling down towards the floor.
“No, I didn’t club him like a baby seal,” I assure my dad as he puts his hands on the table and leans over it to get a look at his grandson.