From This Day Forward

chapter Twelve



By the time he found her in the large hut at the other end of the village where she'd been yesterday, his rage roared out of control. Moving among the hammocks, Caroline talked soothingly to the occupants and administered medicine. A small child followed her every step, his eyes gleaming up at her with adoration.

Treacherous, lying woman! She'd managed to win them all over, including himself. How pathetic they all were!

Words eluded him. He stood staring at her with such unremitting force that she finally turned to glance at him. Her soft lips curved upward in an artless smile that reminded him forcibly of all that had passed between them last night and this morning, reminded him of her supple body moving against his, the clarity of her trusting gaze, the cries that had slipped past her control as he'd made love to her.

Lust and fury shuddered through his body in equal parts."Some of them seem better," she said. "Maybe the quinine is helping after all."

A jolt set her heart pounding. Something was wrong, terribly wrong. She could see it in his face. Her hand trembled as she placed it on the child in the hammock. Maybe she was mistaken; maybe if she ignored it, ignored him....

She jumped at the sound of something hitting the dirt floor behind her. Turning around, her gaze fell on the packet of papers between them before lifting to his rage-contorted face, only to return to the papers.

Letters.

"Oh, dear God!" she muttered, her throat tightening as she recognized Jason's letters to Derek. "Jason, I can explain."

She started toward him, but the glint in his hard, cold eyes halted her. His chest rose and fell with the force of his furious breathing.

This should never have happened. How could she have been so careless? Tears clogged her throat, but she managed to speak past them. "Please listen."

"That's my handwriting," he said, pointing to the letters on the floor. "They're my letters, letters I sent to my cousin."

"I know. I know. I'm sorry. I should have told you...."

He moved closer to her, and Caroline backed away from the steely, uncompromising hatred that burned in his pale eyes.

"Please let me explain," she pleaded.

In two steps, he was on her. Paulo, the child she'd treated in the cabin, moved between them, but Jason ignored the small boy.

Grabbing Caroline by the arm with such force that she cried out in pain, he dragged her toward the door, stopping to retrieve the bundle of letters. Outside in the glaring light of day, he hauled her along, unaffected by her attempts to pull free. Paulo trailed behind them, shrieking in agitated Portuguese.

Activity came to a standstill as all eyes turned to the doutora and the tall, angry man who dragged her so forcefully through the village. Pocedo, the man Jason had attacked yesterday, the leader of the village, stepped forward, but Jason glared a warning at the other man. Pocedo might wield ultimate power in the village, but Caroline sensed that Jason made it clear to the other man that his authority did not extend to his wife.

Pocedo seemed to understand. He stopped where he was, his countenance every bit as angry and threatening as Jason's. No one in the village liked the idea of this stranger attacking their doutora, but no one dared challenge him.

Nearby, a woman bent over a cooking fire. Jason stopped before her and tossed the letters onto the flame.

"No!" Caroline shrieked. She rushed toward the fire, taking Jason by surprise and breaking free. But before she could reach the fire, he'd grabbed her by the arm again and wheeled her around, forcing her up against his hard body.

"We will not speak of anything in those letters—ever!" he said through clenched teeth, his tone indomitable. "I've packed your belongings. We're leaving now."

The cold, slate blue sky sizzled with lightning as the first huge drops of rain began to fall. Caroline walked behind Jason, unsure whether she was more afraid of the storm brewing overhead or the one brewing inside her husband. She struggled to keep up with his long, angry strides, gasping in shock when a loud peal of thunder rent the eerily silent jungle air and a wall of water fell upon them in a rush.

For the first time since they'd left the village, Jason stopped to wait for her, his face a mask of impatience as she labored toward him, squinting to see through the pelting rain. The muddy earth sucked at the hem of her wet skirt, impeded her progress, reminding her of the day she'd arrived, the way Jason had cut her skirt away when she'd stumbled.

When he'd walked toward her with that lethal looking blade in his hand, she'd wondered in that brief, heart-stopping moment if he were deranged, if he had sent for her only to kill her. She knew now that he was no maniac, but the fury roiling inside him frightened her nevertheless.

Without a word, he grabbed her by the wrist, hauling her along behind him, heedless of the effort it took for her to keep up. She tried to twist her arm free, but he only tightened his hold. By the time they reached a cabin tucked away in the jungle, Caroline was near hysterics, her wrist and hand nearly numb.

He flung her inside, slamming the door behind them, enveloping them in darkness and oppressive heat. The sound of scurrying along the floor filled her heart with dread, but an unnamed fear kept her from speaking or moving in the absolute darkness.

She couldn't see him, but she could feel the heat of his presence and hear the fast, shallow cadence of his breathing close by.

"Jason?" she said finally, struggling to keep from sobbing, to keep the panic welling in her heart from devouring her.

A blinding flash of lightning illuminated the room for an instant. She caught a glimpse of his angry countenance as if it had been captured on a daguerreotype, before darkness swallowed them again.

An unreasoning terror gripped her at the sound of his boot heel striking the dirt floor. Breathlessly she waited for a response from him, but he refused to speak. The unbearable silence choked her, stretching her nerves to the breaking point.

"Jason, where are you? What are you doing?" She couldn't control the trembling of her voice any more than she could stop the trembling in her body as she wondered if he could see more clearly than she. The thought unsettled her and sent a chill crawling over her flesh.

"Please speak to me, Jason," she pleaded. "Say something, anything!"

Caroline jerked and gasped at a loud, popping noise, and then shutters were thrown back from a window, filling the cabin with light.

A quick survey of her surroundings convinced her that darkness suited the small structure much better than light. There was nothing inviting or comforting about the crude hovel, but it would provide shelter from the storm that sent limbs crashing around them.

However, there was no escaping the tempest inside the man who glared at her with contempt and a growing lust. His gaze raked her from head to foot in a manner that made her feel naked and vulnerable. Her nipples hardened as his searing gaze lingered on her breasts. She could well imagine how the rain must have molded the material of her gown to her wet skin.

His jaw muscle worked back and forth as if he would speak, but instead he turned away and went to stand at the window, pulling the shutters back to see outside, leaving her trembling with a deep disquiet.

She backed away, out of reach of his fury. Something ran across her foot, and she gasped, jerking her skirt out of the way. She jumped away from the hairy creature on the floor, her heart hammering in terror.

"It's just a tarantula," Jason said impatiently, his deep masculine voice echoing in the empty room.

He walked toward her, drawing the machete from the leather sheath at his side, and Caroline backed away in shock.

He graced her with a disgusted scowl before turning his attention to the creature on the floor, using the blunt edge of the weapon to urge it out the door. She'd thought he was going to kill it; she'd expected it. Had she had a weapon, she certainly would have. The gentleness of his action surprised her, though it shouldn't have.

"He's probably more afraid of you than you are of him," he told her, but Caroline seriously doubted that was possible. "Tarantulas won't bite unless they're backed into a corner, but their sting can be painful."

She mused that the same thing could be said of the man who was now closing the cabin door and turning to face her with eyes as hard as glass. Was that what she'd done to Jason? Had she charged in and tried to force Jason to respond to her instead of coaxing him gently as he had the spider?

"Aren't you going to talk to me?" she asked unsteadily as he returned to the window. She didn't want to press him and possibly anger him further, but she had to reach him somehow. "If you'll only listen to me. Derek was very busy. When I first started working for him—"

"You never bothered to mention that you worked for Derek," he said, turning around to glare at her in surprise.

Oh, dear, this was going to be difficult. "You never asked," she replied defiantly.

His incendiary gaze scorched her flesh in a way that stole her breath and set her heart pounding. He didn't want to talk to her or listen to her, but he desired her. At least he wasn't able to shut her out completely, but the combination of anger and desire stirred a powerful fear deep in her soul.

More than anything, she wanted to withdraw into a corner of the room and wait out the storm in silence. The last thing she wanted to do was stir his ire, but she had no choice. She had to try and make him understand, or she would lose him forever.

"After Wade died I had to support myself. Derek hired me to handle his appointments and filing and correspondence. My intelligence amused him," she continued, struggling against the unshed tears that burned behind her eyes. "Most of the men he dealt with took me for granted. His competitors would say things in front of me...."

"I'll just bet they did," he said, his glare blistering her flesh again.

The heat of his gaze on her breasts sent a shudder of apprehension through her body. Her mouth went dry as the sultry heat in the cabin intensified. She fought the urge to bolt through the door and weather the storm outside.

And then he broke the contact, turning to the window again with an air of indifference belied by the tremor that ran through his body. "I'll bet you were good at convincing them to lower their guard."

"That was petty and unfair, Jason," she said unsteadily. "I don't deserve that."

The quiet stretched interminably, accentuated by the pounding of rain on the roof of the small cabin. Finally she had to say something to keep from going mad.

"At first your letters were very businesslike and to the point. Once when your letter came, he was too busy to reply, so he gave it to me and told me what to tell you. I wrote the letter. He proofed it and signed it, and I posted it. Well, as time passed I answered more and more of your correspondence until he finally stopped proofing my replies and—"

"Damn!" Jason exploded, pounding his fist against the wall with enough force to rattle the shutters at the window and tear a cry of alarm from Caroline's throat.

"I said we would not speak of it ever and I meant it," he growled, the fury in his eyes destroying her composure.

"How can we not speak of it, Jason?" She tried to quell the fear that trembled through her body at the violence reflected clearly in his eyes. "It will always be between us."

"What will always be between us is your treachery!"

Caroline turned her head aside, unable to bear the intensity of his accusing, hate-filled glare.

"I never meant to deceive you. I wanted to tell you—"

"Then why didn't you? Why the hell didn't you?"

"Would it have made any difference? No. You wanted to send me back almost as soon as I arrived. What could I possibly have gained by telling you?"

"I don't know anything about you, Jason," he mocked her, flinging the words at her like stones. "Tell me about yourself, Jason. Playing me for a fool."

"No! No, I only wanted you to talk to me, to tell me who you are—inside."

"You already know who I am. Jesus, you know more about me than anyone on earth. What more do you want? My soul? Do you want my soul, Caroline?"

The words seemed ripped from deep inside him, and for the first time since he'd confronted her with the letters that morning, she sensed a softness in him. He was as frightened as he was angry—frightened of her.

Her throat tightened with compassion for this powerful man who could be reduced to terror by the thought of caring for someone or having someone care for him.

"I never meant to hurt you," she said, her voice soft and thin.

"Hurt me?" He laughed shortly. "You can't hurt me! I don't care enough about anything to be hurt!"

If only it were so, Jason, she thought, realizing for the first time that the barriers he'd built to keep the world out had failed to do so. Instead, they had become a prison, trapping him in a world of isolation and pain.

"All I want is you, Jason, your love—"

"Maybe you don't know me as well as you think," he said bitterly, his gaze fixed on something beyond the window. "I am incapable of love. Love is just a word to me, a meaningless word."

"This morning and last night..."

A smile curved his lips as he turned to face her, his gaze traveling the length of her body in a slow caress that sent hot color up her throat to her face. "I loved your body, Caroline," he said, moving toward her, his eyes burning with a hunger she recognized all too readily.

She backed away, aware of her precarious position. She was alone in the jungle with a man who desired her despite the rage that still pulsed through him, a man against whom she was utterly defenseless.

"Surely you know the difference," he went on, advancing as she retreated, his tall, broad frame blocking the scant light from the window. "I love your body now. That kind of love I understand. Is that enough for you? Will you prostitute yourself to me? Will you share my bed whenever I want and leave me the hell alone?"

He touched her cheek, his fingers warm and gentle on her skin. Swallowing hard against the fear and desire inside her, she stepped back out of his reach, and his hand fell away.

"No," she said breathlessly.

"Well, it's all I have to offer," he said. "It's all I've ever had to offer. You just never understood that. The rain's letting up, let's go."

Caroline stood her ground, folding her arms in front of her. "I don't believe that you sent for a wife just for... for..."

"Sexual fulfillment? God, you are naive, aren't you? Believe whatever you like. I'm going back to the fazenda."

"I know I'm not exactly what you asked for, but—"

Turning abruptly, he glared at her, his face reflecting comprehension and fury. "Derek never saw my request for a wife, did he?"

"He—he was in Europe and I...."

Jason turned as if he couldn't stand the sight of her, walking through the door and leaving her to gape after him.

"Jason!" she called, running after him. This time her hand on his arm halted him, but he stared straight ahead, refusing to look at her.

"I'd like to strangle you right now," he said.

Caroline backed away from the threat in his voice.

"You disgust me with your righteous indignation and treachery, pretending to be wounded by my reaction when all the while you've lied—lied about everything!"

"Please, Jason." She spoke rapidly before he could interrupt her. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I'm sorry I continued to write as Derek. But I sensed your loneliness, your need for someone to talk to. If I had revealed my true identity—"

"I'd have known to whom I was writing and I would have told you what I wanted you to know, not what I wanted Derek to know. You took that choice away from me. Have you no shame?"

Tears streamed freely down her face now. "I'm sorry," she choked out.

"Stay away from me, Caroline," he warned. "You'll be leaving when the mail boat returns. This time I mean it. I'll put you on board personally. In fact, I may send Ignacio with you all the way to Belem. The marriage can't be annulled now, you saw to that!"

Caroline flushed indignantly. "What? Are you accusing me of seducing you? How dare—"

Jason turned on her, grabbing her by the shoulders. She leaned away from him, trying to pull out of his hold, but her struggles were useless.

"The marriage can't be annulled," he ground out, shaking her violently, his face trembling with barely suppressed rage, "but I'll arrange for a divorce. By God, I'll be rid of you once and for all."

He released her abruptly and her own momentum propelled her backward. Surprise and horror flashed across Jason's face as he tried unsuccessfully to save her from falling, but she landed on her rump in the mud with a jarring thud. He extended a hand to her, but Caroline struggled to her feet unaided, not knowing whether she was angrier at herself or him.

"Are you hurt?" he asked, a frown of concern marring his brow.

Good, she thought, let him worry, the brute. A thought occurred to her and she smiled inwardly at her own cunning.

"What if I'm pregnant?" She lifted her chin with her last vestiges of pride and courage. "Did you think of that?"

His eyes widened and she knew he hadn't. Neither had she, to be honest, not until that moment. In three years of marriage to Wade, she'd failed to become pregnant. She'd suspected there might be something wrong with her, but Jason didn't have to know that.

"No," he said, "I didn't think of that, but I'm sure you did. I guess we'll know by the time the mail boat returns, won't we? In the meantime, I want you to stay away from the slave village."

Shock tore through Caroline. "But you said I could go back and—"

"That was before I realized that your condition might be so delicate. You're endangering your life, and perhaps my child's, to say nothing of my liberty. Aiding runaway slaves is punishable by imprisonment, and they won't care that you're a woman or that I forbade you to go there. Besides, I don't want my pregnant wife exposed to sickness."

"But I've already had the measles," she reasoned.

"My word is final, Caroline! For as long as you remain here, you will do exactly as I say or I swear I'll lock you in your room. Is that clear?"

Caroline jerked free of his hold and drew herself up to her full height, glaring at him. "Quite," she said, her heart in tatters as she watched him turn and walk away from her.