To hell with tomorrow’s repercussions…I’d cross that bridge when I got there.
The clock on Sam’s nightstand read ’12:06’ and I was starting to feel the effects of my long day catching up with me. The rush that had me feeling like I wouldn’t need sleep for weeks was beginning to level off. Having her warm body up against mine wasn’t helping either. My eyes had just drifted shut when she stroked her fingers down my arm to get my attention.
“Sorry about your back,” she yawned. “Does it hurt?”
I shrugged. Despite the dull sting, I’d nearly forgotten all about it. “I’m fine.”
She backed into me a little more only to find that we were already as close as we could get. Satisfied, I felt her breaths deepen and she drifted off.
Five minutes may have passed when I heard my phone buzzing on the nightstand where I’d set it after ordering the pizza. Sam continued to snore softly like I hoped she would when it vibrated to the edge and then fell to the floor. Without a doubt, it was Kira. Mostly I was sure of this because I’d forgotten to return the text and phone call that she placed when my conversation with Sam took an unexpected turn. My plan, after Sam requested a rain-check for dinner, was to head home, find something quick to eat, and then turn in early after checking in with Kira. Clearly, I had a change of heart, and returning her call somehow got pushed so far out of my mind that I forgot altogether.
A single chirp alerted me that she ended up leaving a voicemail and that hint of remorse grew exponentially in a matter of seconds. To make matters worse, knowing her, she wouldn’t even jump to the right conclusion when I didn’t respond; she’d give me the benefit of the doubt and assume that I’d simply fallen asleep right after work.
Now I was wide awake, finally considering all the consequences Sam had tried to point out beforehand. Did I regret what we’d done? I can’t honestly say that I did – not in the traditional sense; however, I did feel terrible about betraying Kira, a woman who’d been something like a best friend to me for the past several years. These thoughts were enough to steal my chances of getting a good night’s sleep.
I’m not a cheater. Never have been a single day in my life, which probably meant I’d suck at it. Even despite my father’s many shortcomings, being faithful was the one thing he’d gotten right. Not once had he and my mother had issues concerning infidelity. Up until now, that was the one attribute of his that I was actually proud to have inherited. But lying here, having done what I’d done, I had to accept the fact that my clean record was now tainted.
On cue, Sam repositioned her head on my arm and I inhaled the scent of her hair, feeling like I could stay here with her like this forever if it was possible…regardless of what it’d cost me. She made me feel reckless, like I wouldn’t mind letting my life crumble at my feet and give it all up just for her. Look at me – already dodging Kira’s calls and spending the night here. But who could blame me? I lifted the sheet and stared shamelessly at Sam’s naked frame against mine, at her beautiful bronze skin, and acknowledged the fact that, if given the chance, I never would’ve let her go in the first place.
Didn’t that count for something? Didn’t I get a pass for my indiscretion because, technically, she wasn’t just any girl? She was the one I’d planned to spend the rest of my life with once upon a time before that dream was snatched away. Didn’t the fact that I’d never really stopped loving her lessen my offense?
Kira sure as hell wouldn’t think so…
A sigh left my lungs, and despite how bad I felt, I held Sam tighter, acknowledging the fact that I couldn’t help the way I felt about her, no matter what label it meant I now deserved to be branded with. Cheater? I guess I’d be that if the outcome was having more nights like tonight.
Fantasizing about how our future may have shaped up, I drifted off, deciding not to taint the beauty of what we’d just shared with negative thoughts.