“No problem, sweetheart. Let me know how it works out.”
I smiled at him again and continued down the street to Dr. Gill’s office. I’d never been late to one of my appointments before, but I was on this day. The extra push that it usually took to get me through her door at exactly noon wasn’t in me today. I walked as if time itself was going to stand still for me. All I could think about was him.
“Ok, let’s start with whatever has you on cloud nine,” Dr. Gill said with a smile while I sat dazed on her couch.
I looked down at AJ’s name written in blue ink and shook my head. “I um….” When words escaped me, I handed the napkin over to Dr. Gill.
She examined it and read the name she’d heard me mention at nearly every session we’d had to date. When she met my gaze again, I tried to straighten my expression, but I couldn’t.
What were the odds that AJ would find me here? And without Terrell or anyone else pushing us….he found me. My heart did that fluttery thing again and I looked down when I felt my cheeks burn hot.
“Did you run into him somewhere?” She asked, handing the napkin back so I could place it in my purse.
I shook my head. “No, we just…this just always seems to happen with us.”
Dr. Gill was so silent that I had to look at her again to see why. She smiled. “What is it?” I asked.
She shook her head at my naivety. “Now will you talk to the guy?”
I laughed a little and then nodded, letting what felt like a lifetime of emotions flood my mind and body like a dam had broken.
“Yes, Dr. Gill,” I smiled. “…I think I will.”
*****
I paced back and forth in front of the living room window – AJ’s number in one hand, cell phone in the other. I blew all the air from my lungs and looked at the clock. 10:00…I’d already let another hour slip past me.
When I first got home, I managed to talk myself out of thinking that I was ready to do this. I showered, cleaned out my closet, and changed my bedding before accepting the fact that I really, really wanted to call him. Yes, I was stalling, but who could blame me? It felt like forever ago since AJ and I were close enough to bother talking on the phone and I hadn’t forgotten about the whole…’fiancé’ thing.
I blew out a breath and kept reminding myself that Dr. Gill was thoroughly convinced that this was a good idea. That was the push I needed to dial the last digit.
I sat while it rang, then stood, then sat again. I was in the middle of deciding that I was most comfortable pacing when he answered.
“Hello?” He sounded unsure too, probably realizing that it was me by the area code that came up on the ID.
…that voice, though.
“Uh…hey,” was what tumbled from my mouth in response.
Smooth, Sam…real smooth.
There was silence on the other end and my heart thundered against my ribcage while I waited for him to speak. Maybe I was calling too late.
“Oh my god; you weren’t asleep were you?” I started apologizing instantly, scolding myself for taking so long to grow a pair and actually make the call. I did a face palm and bit my lip when embarrassment froze me in place.
“No, I’m up. It’s fine,” he replied casually. “I just…wasn’t sure if you’d call.”
I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t exactly admit that these doggone nerves of mine were the reason it took me so long. “I had a few loose ends to tie up first,” I lied. “Time just got away from me.”
He chuckled knowingly, but didn’t respond right away. A lull in conversation made me break out into a cool sweat.
“It’s fine. It’s just good to talk to you again,” he finally replied after a few seconds passed.
I shifted on the couch, anxiously. “You too.”