He nodded and watched curiously as I dug inside my pocket for a $5 bill. “The next time she comes by here, let her know that her drink was already paid for, and hand her this.”
I scribbled my phone number on a napkin. Giuseppe didn’t have to wonder why. The smile on his face grew as he accepted the cash, and the napkin, sticking it beneath the counter. I don’t know why, but I trusted that he’d carry out my plan just like I’d asked him to.
“Of course,” he promised, as I turned to head back inside to retrieve the things I’d abandoned on my bed.
Climbing the steps, I shook my head at myself, realizing that I was doing this the hard way. If I really wanted to talk to her so bad, which I clearly couldn’t deny any longer, I could’ve just asked Terrell for her number. After all, if I did it that way, I’d be able to contact her tonight rather than waiting a week and leaving the ball in Sam’s court instead of my own. However, I know her. She’d always appreciated the subtle ways that the universe used to go about making us aware of the others’ existence. To me, this – forgetting my laptop that morning, my phone dying, seeing her pass right beneath my window in one of the largest cities in the world – seemed like another one of those moments.
Did I take this as some cosmic sign that we were supposed to be together? No, of course not. But I do believe that us not having contact at all isn’t in the stars for us either. If I knew Sam, she’d felt the same pull that I had since I got into town Saturday. Playing with fire or not, I’d already made up my mind that I’d be talking to her at some point….even though I’d just promised Kira this wouldn’t happen.
Still, for whatever reason, I couldn’t seem to convince myself that I was making a mistake.
*****
Sam
“This happened when?” Dr. Gill asked, taking notes.
“Sunday night.”
“What was his explanation?” she asked.
I shook my head and let my gaze drift out the window, sipping my drink before replying. “He said that she’s a client. She flirts with him and makes passes, but he ignores it…or so he says.”
“You don’t think he’s telling you the truth?”
Her question weighed heavy on my heart. Honestly, I did trust Jason for the most part, but for some reason I had my suspicions about him lately. Be it women’s intuition of something else, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that he was keeping something from me. “I really don’t know for sure. I’d like to say that I believe him, but…I suppose part of me doesn’t.”
She made another note and looked up with surprise in her eyes when I offered up information without her having to pry it out of me.
“Is it possible that I want to think he’s cheating on me?” When I met Dr. Gill’s gaze she stared curiously.
“That’s an interesting question. What makes you ask that?”
I shrugged, running off a list to myself inside my head – subconsciously wanting to put distance between us sexually, avoiding the pressure of Jason wanting to live together…the fact that I’ve been spending an ungodly amount of my time thinking about AJ lately. Instead of giving her my reasons, I replied, “Just a thought that crossed my mind.”
She removed her glasses and set them aside on the end table. “Samantha…if you don’t want to be in your relationship anymore, you don’t need an excuse. You do know that, right?”
I didn’t respond, just sipped my smoothie and stared out the window.
Her next statement caught me off guard. “I’ve had patients in the past who’ve stayed in relationships to prove to themselves that they didn’t have commitment issues. Your past with your ex may have you second guessing your integrity when it comes to relationships. Do you ever find yourself being passive with Jason instead of standing up and speaking your mind?”
I thought about it. “No. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. I’ve been on the defensive lately. Not all the time, but the second Jason does something that I’d normally just talk through with him, I go from zero to sixty…almost like I’m trying to pick a fight with him.”