In the seconds it took Kira to respond, I shifted my gaze between her and the road several times. “This hatred you feel for her,” she said hesitantly. “I thought that maybe what she did just made you dislike her as a person – in general, but…it comes from somewhere deeper than that.”
Getting the feeling that this was about to be a longer conversation than I was up to having, I shut off the engine in the hotel lot. Kira didn’t bother waiting for me to open her door. We walked to the entrance in silence, holding our tongues until we were all the way in our room.
“Just what the hell are you getting at?” I asked flatly, removing the jacket to my tux when I did.
Kira set her clutch down on the dresser, but stayed fully clothed as she sat on the edge of the bed, staring down at her polished toenails instead of looking at me. And when she asked her next question, I understood why she wouldn’t make eye contact – it was a ballsy one.
“If you could rewrite history, you’d be with her wouldn’t you?”
“Who? Sam?” I asked, not believing what I was hearing.
Kira sighed when I sidestepped the question with a question of my own.
“History can’t be rewritten, Kira, so that’s kind of a moot point.”
She sat there in silence for a moment and then shook her head. “Maybe not…but it most certainly can repeat itself.” When she stood and disappeared in the bathroom, I felt my blood pressure rise. Removing the rest of my clothes, I killed the lights and climbed in bed in my boxers. By the time she came out, enough time had passed that I would’ve fallen asleep if I hadn’t been so mad.
Why would she say something like that? Me and Sam’s relationship was water under the bridge at this point. Kira knew better than anyone the kind of person her sister was. Why downplay my feelings toward Reina to make it seem like I’m just bitter about losing Sam? Granted, there was some truth to Reina being responsible, but Kira failed to see the bigger picture.
The sound of her feet padding closer to the bed frustrated me. When she sat and eased beneath the covers I stared at the ceiling. Her soft apology could barely be heard even over the quiet.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t…I shouldn’t have said that,” she stated.
Frustrated, I sighed. “The issue is that you even think like that. It’s a fact that, yes, if it hadn’t been for Reina it’s possible that Sam and I wouldn’t have broken up. However, things did go down the way they did and no one can go back and change that. My dislike for Reina isn’t because she messed things up for me and Sam. My issue with her is that she’s….her,” I concluded.
Kira was silent while she thought. “You’re right, it’s just that…” She paused and pushed her hair back in frustration. “This whole weekend is just…not what I expected.”
I turned so that I could see her through the darkness. “How so?”
She sighed first. “I don’t know. I feel like I’m this crazy, jealous girlfriend and I hate it,” she admitted, laughing a little. “You know I’ve never been ‘that girl’.”
“And I also know this is the first time you’ve ever met one of my ex’s….well, my only ex,” I amended. Liela, the crazy one, didn’t count. None of the others before Sam did really.
Kira nodded. “Yeah. And I’m failing at keeping up this whole ‘chilled, self-confident, modern-day, evolved woman’ thing I was hoping to pull off when I spoke to her at that meet-and-greet yesterday.”
We both laughed a little.
She sighed again. “I’m sorry if I ruined this for you with all my craziness.”
“Don’t apologize,” I replied, pulling her into my arms. There was a little guilt when I thought back to the feelings I had while I held Sam on the dance floor. I wasn’t completely innocent and Kira deserved better than that.
“Still love me?” She asked, snuggling her face into my neck.