“Not with me,” she replies softly.
“Yes, with you. I’ve missed so much. Like the day you opened your flower shop or how you came up with the name Whimsicality. I missed the day you brought Noah into this world and saw him for the first time. I missed your late-night cravings and his midnight feedings. I’ll never forgive myself for not being there, Josie. I won’t. I know you’re about to tell me it’s okay, but it’s not. I trusted the wrong people to take care of me when I'd left behind the one person who would’ve taken care of me the best. I was selfish and scared and instead of talking to you, I ran.
“But I promise you, I’m done running. I’m still selfish, but only where you and Noah are concerned. I have years of spoiling to make up for and I plan to spend every day of my life making sure you both know how much I love you.”
Josie wraps her fingers around mine. “I’m trying not to love you. I’m telling myself that this is just a show for you, to make Noah happy. I’m so afraid to show up one day and walk in and find that you’ve moved on because I’ve taken too long to make up my mind about us.”
I knew she would feel like this, which is exactly why I didn’t push myself on her.
“I’ve looked for you every day of my life since I left you in your dorm room. Every show, pub, or appearance I did – I thought for sure you’d show up somewhere. Not once, not even a glimpse. I desperately wanted to see you, just once. When I read about Mason, I knew I had to come. I told myself I’d show up and leave, in and out and no one would know I was here. But I ended up leaving a few days early because I wanted to see you just so I could tell myself I did the right thing.”
“Why did you leave? You’ve never said?”
The dreaded question, the one I knew she shouldn’t have to ask. I should’ve just told her the first day I saw her in her flower shop.
“When I got to college…” I shake my head feeling stupid. Now that I’m an adult, I should’ve done things differently. “God, Josie, it sucked. Mason was supposed to come with me. I mean we planned this and then he goes and changes his mind. I was there – he wasn’t and you weren’t. I was lonely and hated everything about it.
“This one day, I’m sitting in my room feeling sorry for myself and I get this call. She tells me her name is Betty Addison and I’m so confused until she tells me she’s my grandma.” I rub my thumb over the top of her finger. “She wanted to have lunch and talk so I did. I had nothing to lose and never had a chance to get to know her, so I met her. We spent a week together, having lunch, talking and getting to know each other. She told me things about my mom and why they don’t speak to each other. I learned a lot in that week.
“She asked me what I wanted to be if I wasn’t going to play football. ‘What’s your passion, Liam’ she asked me. I told her music. I had been spending a lot of time on campus at open mic and I loved it.”
“I wish I had known that you loved music that much.”
“You had this dream and I didn’t want to change that for you. I was doing what was expected, but Betty – she invited me to Los Angeles so I went and loved it. I knew I had made the best decision for me even though it meant destroying us.
“Thing is, I never expected to see Noah in the bathroom that day, but it was like fate or some shit telling me that my life is in Beaumont. I went right to your shop and waited. I watched for you and once I saw you, I knew I was going to end up chasing my girl, waiting for you to turn around and see… the real me and love me for who I am and not what I did to you.
“I’m standing in front of you, Josie. You just have to turn around.”
CHAPTER 34
JOSIE
I could easily fall into a routine with Liam. How soon is too soon though? Is there a rule book I need to follow?
Liam and I have never shared a home. We didn’t go off to college together and have the opportunity to sleep in each other’s dorms. Being here – it’s peaceful - sharing the same space that he’s in. Almost like the walls bask in his presence.
I haven’t left since Christmas. We didn’t discuss me staying. I just stayed. I guess that makes me a bit like Nick. For the first few nights he slept on the couch or in his studio until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I finally found the nerve to pull him upstairs with me and into bed. He held me all night, his hands never once wandering away from their placement on my hip.