“Can I help you?” he asked.
I shrugged off the strange disoriented feeling and shook my head. I turned away, knowing I needed to get back to a city, play for money, earn my next meal. I was burned out, done with this, but still in no mood to go home. I supposed I could look for work, pour cement again, someplace far from Tennessee.
I felt lost, unmoored, and no longer in a good way.
I set down my guitar case. I tried calling Charlie but the signal out here was no good with my cheap phone. I wanted to toss it, hurl it onto the battlefield.
But I needed it. I had to keep that one last line to home, to my sister, to my past. Maybe Charlie was right. I should go home and wage that battle with my mother. Hannah needed to be let go. But I didn’t think I was the man who could do it. I had failed her in every way, been exactly the wrong sort of person, a bad brother, a terrible influence. And in the end, I was responsible for what had happened to her.
No, it was better that I was miserable, alone, and walking the world with nothing but a guitar and a change of clothes. At least I could do those things. Because of me, my sister could not.
Chapter 28: Jenny
To avoid getting dragged on any outings that might make me crazy, I didn’t text my mom that I was coming until I was a couple miles away from her condo.
I took a deep breath before typing the words.
Just got through shopping at H&M and thought I’d drop in.
Both things would make her happy. Shopping at “normal” stores, “non-alternative” stores. And coming to see her.
I really had stopped by H&M and picked up a maxi dress, figuring I’d need a tent to cover up this belly eventually. Might as well start now. It was right up Mom’s alley, navy and white striped with double straps. It made my eyes cross and had enough fabric for three normal outfits for me. Maybe six. It was long.
Her complex was simple, four two-story condos in each building, set off with yellow stucco and palm trees. When I parked in a visitor spot close to her door, she stepped out on the porch.
I could tell the moment when she saw my hair, because her hands clenched in that way they did when she was trying to control herself.
I plucked the shopping bag from the passenger seat. I wanted to throw up, and not in the way I’d felt the past few days. Pure nerves. I swallowed hard and headed across the parking spaces to her tiny yard lined with pink bougainvillea.
“My sweet Jenny!” she said, enveloping me in a hug. She looked every bit the urban mother in a smart twin set and slender slacks, her work clothes. Her hair was blond and short and styled into a feathery bob.
She tugged at one of my pink dreadlocks. “Isn’t this an interesting style?”
I bit my lip. “It’s new.”
“It’s definitely different. So to what do I owe this surprise?” she asked.
“It’s spring break,” I said. “My friends are all out of town.”
She laughed and led me inside. “Glad I’m the company of last resort.”
“How was work today?” I asked as I sat at a tall bar that separated her sunny kitchen from a breakfast nook.
“Same as usual. Lots of paper shuffling.” She worked for an accounting firm, mainly in billing. I was pretty sure I’d rather die than ever do something like that.
“How was the winter term?” she asked.
“I did fine. Just one to go,” I said.
“We should make plans for a graduation party,” she said. “Maybe I can get your father to spring for the club.”
I tried to picture how much bigger I’d be by then, belly popping out of my graduation gown.
“Oh, no, something simple. Maybe here?” I looked around as though I admired the place. It was nice enough. Just too boring for my liking, decorated in beiges and browns.
“We can talk about it later,” she said, her code for “I’ll get my way in the end.”
It didn’t matter. All our plans were about to be shot.
“Show me your shopping,” she said.
I reached down and pulled the dress out of the bag.
Mom lifted the fabric. “Just lovely,” she said. “Glad to see you’re getting a little more conservative.” Her gaze raked over my tight pink T-shirt and rhinestone-studded jeans, which were, hilariously, the most conservative things in my closet. “Have you given any thought to what you’re going to do after graduation?”
“I talked to some people two weeks ago,” I said, tucking the dress back in the bag. “In the movie business. Social media management, stuff like that.”
“Interesting,” she said. “I guess there isn’t a lot to do with a liberal arts degree unless you’re going to grad school.”
I plucked an apple from a bowl on the counter and turned it in my hands. “Something will pop up.”
My belly button, for example.