“I… I got married,” I say. “I married Alexander Kennedy, remember him? He’s Sofia’s son. Do you remember your friend Sofia? I’ll bring her to see you soon. Alexander… he’s managed to move you to the Kennedy’s private facility, so you can have guests now. There’s no rule here about only immediate family coming to see you. I think it might be nice for you to see Sofia again, don’t you think?”
I smile at her, feeling anxious somehow. I don’t want her to find out I married Alexander because of her. She’d be heartbroken if she knew I did that for her. “I know it sounds a little sudden, but it wasn’t. He’s very good to me. It’d been a few years when Alexander and I ran into each other again, and he didn’t even recognize me, you know? But there were sparks, Mom. Things moved a bit quickly between us, I know… but I’m happy, Mom. He’s changed a lot since you last saw him, and I wonder what you’ll think of him.”
The door opens behind me, and I look up in surprise. “I thought I’d find you here,” Lucian says. I rise to my feet when he walks up to me, his eyes on my mother.
“Hi, Sarah,” he says, blowing my mother a kiss. I smile, my heart warming at the gesture. I love that he didn’t just ignore her.
“What are you doing here?”
His smile drops, and he sighs. “I need to talk to you,” he says.
I glance at my mother and nod, leading him out of her room, the door falling closed behind us.
“I know what my brother is like, Elena,” he says, “and I know what you’re like. He probably guilt-tripped you into marrying him, and you probably felt like you owe him and agreed.”
Lucian looks pained and hesitates before he continues. “You don’t owe us anything. Do you really think my mother wouldn’t help one of her oldest friends? No matter how many years have passed, or how much we might have grown apart, your mother and mine were childhood friends, just like we were. We’ll be there for you unconditionally.”
Though his words ring true, I can’t help but feel guilty nonetheless. Lucian runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “I know what you’re like. I know you’ll feel indebted to us, and you’ll want to repay us somehow. I’m sure my brother convinced you that marriage is the best way to do that, but I assure you, it’s not. Divorce is not an option in our family. You would literally be exchanging your life for money that we won’t even miss. It’s not a fair exchange.”
I smile at him, grateful for his thoughtfulness. “I know you’re worried about me, and I love you for it. But I know what I’m doing, Luce,” I say, his old nickname escaping my lips without a second thought. “Though the amount of money we’re talking about might not mean much to you, it’s literally the difference between life and death for my mother, and the difference between being homeless or not for me. All Alexander asked for in return is that I marry him.”
Lucian shakes his head ruefully. “You don’t understand, princess. My brother… he isn’t who he used to be. You won’t be happy being married to him. I know what your heart is like, and my brother will destroy it. If you think you need to marry into the family to repay us, then marry me instead.”
“Luce, like you said, divorce isn’t an option in your family. You and I could never be together. You know it would never work. Do you really want to trap both of us in such a marriage? We’d just end up resenting each other. Besides… it’s too late now. Alexander and I… we signed the papers.”
The look in Lucian’s eyes breaks my heart. He looks so torn, and I know he wishes things were different between us.
“Why? Why would you shackle yourself to him? I’d give you freedom, Elena. I’d support you one hundred percent with whatever you do. I’d take care of you and your mom, and I’d give you the freedom to love whoever you choose.”
I shake my head. “Do you hear what you’re saying, Luce? We’d just be unhappy together. If not that, we’d at most be somewhat content. It would destroy what’s left of our friendship. What do you think it’ll do to your mother? And what about children and intimacy? Can you even see yourself sleeping with me?”
Lucian looks away and we both fall silent. “I can’t believe you went through with the marriage without taking the time to think it through, princess. I know you don’t view it as a sustainable solution, but I’d have been more than happy to give you an interest-free loan.”
I sigh and shake my head. “Luce…” I say, my voice soft. “It’s done now. There’s no point in regretting this. I’ve made my choice, and I’ll live with it.”
Lucian’s words have me second guessing myself, though. Did I rush into it when I chose to marry Alexander? Should I have taken more time to consider what the ramifications of my choice would really be? Perhaps I should have just taken a loan from Lucian. I’m honest enough with myself to admit that part of me agreeing to marry Alexander stems from the torch I’ve always carried for him. But will my childish infatuation lead me to waste away my life in a loveless marriage?
Chapter 19
E lena
I lie in bed by myself, unable to fall asleep. I don’t even know what time Alexander will be home tonight.
Outside of the bedroom we don’t talk—there are no texts, no phone calls. I have no idea what his days even look like.
Even now that I’m married, I fall asleep alone almost every night. My heart aches as I think of everything I wanted out of life. A happy family of my own that would be nothing like my own family. Children that would be loved beyond compare. A husband that adores me.
I saved my mother’s life, but I gave up my own in return. I have no regrets. If given the choice, I’d do it all over again—but that doesn’t mean that I don’t mourn the dreams I’m giving up on. It doesn’t mean I don’t wonder what I might be missing out on.
I turn around in bed, my eyes falling to Alexander’s pillow. How is it possible to experience heartbreak over something I’ve never had?
The door opens and I sit up in surprise, the sheets falling to my waist. Alexander doesn’t even notice me as he walks in, his eyes on his phone.
I slip out of bed and walk toward him. He glances up and pauses, his eyes roaming over my body.
“Alexander, you’re home.”
He nods and takes a step closer to me, bridging the remaining distance between us. He brushes my hair behind my ear, an unreadable expression on his face. “You’re still awake.”
I nod. “Couldn’t sleep.”
We’ve been married for a week now, but we’ve barely spent any time together. Alexander comes home after I fall asleep, and he’s up before I am.
“How was your day?” I ask.
He frowns. “Long.”
I nod. “You look tired.”
He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “I am. My cousin, Dylan, is fucking useless. I’m always doing twice as much work as I should be doing. I’m sick and tired of cleaning up his messes.”
He pulls his tie off and inhales deeply.
“Hmm,” I say, trying to think of a way to lighten his mood. He and I will be stuck together for the rest of our lives, and we had a rocky start, to say the least. I won’t hurt to be nice, to be civil. “Tell me three good things that happened to you today?”
Alexander looks at me, his expression making me freeze.
“Elena, what is this?”
I blink, surprised. “I… what do you mean?”
“What’s with the small talk?”
I bite down on my lip, suddenly annoyed. “Just trying to cheer you up. You seem stressed.”
He shakes his head. “Didn’t we agree you wouldn’t interfere with my private life? This isn’t a real marriage, Elena.”
My heart twists painfully even as my anger rises. “You had no issue with me asking that question at Inferno.”
He takes a step closer to me and buries his hand in my hair, his face close to mine. “I didn’t know who you were at Inferno. Back then you were just a pretty girl that caught my eye. I didn’t know that you’re Matthew’s sister,” he says, his voice low. “Now? Now I own you. I told you the day before you married me that you’d be selling yourself to me the way you would at Vaughn’s, didn’t I?”
I nod, my heart racing, nervous jitters running down my spine. I know what I signed up for, yet I foolishly hoped Alexander and I would be able to enjoy each other’s company the way we did at Inferno.
“It’s not your mind you were selling at Vaughn’s, Elena. It was your body. That’s all I want from you.”
He traces the straps of my nightgown with his fingers, and my heart starts to race.
“You want to cheer me up?”
I glare at him, but all that does is make him smile. Alexander pushes the straps off my shoulders and leans in as my nightgown falls to the floor, his lips brushing against mine once, twice, before he finally takes my lips. His hand wraps around my waist and he pulls me flush against him. He kisses me, taking his time, until I finally melt against him. A soft moan involuntarily escapes my lips and I rise to my tiptoes, deepening the kiss.