She scribbled something down on her notepad. My perfect-fa?ade mask never worked with her. Didn’t even know why I’d tried. From across the desk, I couldn’t see what she wrote, but I assumed it was something along the lines of client lying through her teeth. “That’s good to hear. What would you like to discuss today?”
I decided not to bring up Mom or Ryan yet. Better to stick to something safe. “A new internship position opened up at the hospital. Payton wants me to apply.”
“Is that what you want?”
I sat back in the chair and mulled over the question. Did I want to tack on an internship for the fall? “I don’t know. I already have a lot going on.”
“Mm-hmm.” She scribbled something else down. Gah, what was she writing?
“But I don’t want to let her down, either.”
“And you think she will be let down if you don’t do the internship with her?”
I thought about that for a moment. Payton wasn’t the type to hold a grudge about that. God, she didn’t even get mad when I went for her boyfriend. Technically I didn’t know they’d dated when I first met Blake. Epic fail on both of their parts for keeping me in the dark and putting me in a super awkward position. So did I really think Payton would be upset if I didn’t apply for the internship? “Probably not.”
“Then why do you think you’re considering this?”
“I don’t know.” I combed my fingers through my hair and rested my elbows on my knees. “I just want her to be happy with me.” That’s all I ever wanted. People’s disappointment burrowed under my skin and laid eggs, the poisonous hatchlings invading every fiber of my being. I’d run myself into the ground before letting someone down.
“And you don’t think she would be if you didn’t do this?”
Brain overload. Too many questions. I squirmed in my seat, trying to remain calm, even though my neck and cheeks heated. “No, I guess she’d still be happy with me. I guess I would be disappointing myself.”
“Why’s that?”
Sweet Jesus, please stop. This hit way too close to home. She knew the answer. The same one that landed me in this whole shit storm in the first place. “That I couldn’t juggle everything.”
“You’re not superwoman. It’s important to take time to appreciate life one day at a time.”
I let out a sigh and slouched into the chair. “I know. I just wish life would speed up sometimes. I feel like I’m stagnant.” More like swimming upstream during a dam break. Life moved at a slow-motion pace when I ached for triple fast-forward. I wanted success now.
“That’s very normal. Progress sometimes doesn’t always feel like progress during the process.”
Preach it, sister.
I pulled into the lot ten minutes before my shift. Ryan wouldn’t be in for a few more hours, leaving my stomach rolling like a tumbleweed in this deserted parking lot. Was I nervous about seeing him? No, the tight coiling in my stomach was anything but nerves. It was decidedly not a smart thing to go for the boss’s son, especially when said son wasn’t going to be here long. Double strike against him when I knew he probably used that stupid Cassiopeia line on all his potential conquests. But did I listen to that rational part of my brain? No, because my brain was in perpetual power outage mode when it came to him. He wanted to get out of town as fast as he could, leaving everything behind in the dust of his half-aired Michelins. But I could keep this purely physical. With my heart out of the equation, I couldn’t get hurt.
Jack nodded at me from the Customer Service counter, and I gave a little wave as I made my way to the back to clock in. Once I punched in my ID, I walked to the staff workroom, put my purse in a locker, and tucked my shapeless shirt into my slacks.
With a quick teeth check, making sure I didn’t have anything hideous there when I smiled at customers, I exited the staff room and made my way onto the service floor. I eyed the ergonomic office chairs, wishing I could kick back in one with a latte and this month’s Cosmo. Instead, I took my place behind the Customer Service counter up front.
I slid next to Jack and waited for him to sign out of the computer. “Mornin’, Jack.”
He flashed me a smile and stepped aside when he logged out. “Morning, Jules. Do anything fun this weekend?”
Besides straddle your son and fantasize about doing bad things to those ridiculously nice biceps? I couldn’t even look him in the eyes when I said, “Nope. The usual.”
“Good. Keeps you out of trouble.” He winked and stepped out from behind the counter onto the service floor. He turned back to me and said, “By the way, today is the last day to put in for vacation time for July. Let me know by the end of the day if you need any time off.”