He didn't need any more encouragement after that. He hooked my panties with his thumbs and drew them down, pulling them over my feet and dropping them on the floor. We were naked and I was suddenly exceptionally nervous.
Clay sensing this, kissed the sensitive skin below my ear, while his hand caressed the warmth between my legs. I gasped as he slid a finger inside me. The tingles of pleasure coursed through me again as he rubbed, moving his finger in and out in a perfect rhythm. I forgot to worry about my inexperience. I just let myself flow along this tidal wave that threatened to take me under.
Finally, Clay reached over and pulled a condom out of his bag. He tore open the package and slipped it on, positioning himself at my opening. Clay put his hands beneath my knees and drew my legs up so they were wrapped around his waist. He kissed me deeply again and I could feel him pressed against me, waiting.
“Maggie.” He said huskily. I opened my eyes and looked at him. “I love you.” He swallowed and pushed himself into me. My breath hitched at the sharp pain. “Forever.” He choked as he surged forward. I arched my back off the bed. My muscles straining and stretching to fit around him.
Clay sucked in a sharp breath with the sudden sensations. He was still a moment. He looked down at me. “Are you okay?” He asked, kissing my eyebrow, my cheek, my nose. I nodded, squeezing my legs around his hips, pulling him deeper inside me.
And then he started moving and I thought I would die from the pleasure of it. I could feel him sliding in and out of my body and it was the single most intense experience of my life. I began to move with him in a sensual dance.
Clay surged over and over again, each thrust taking him deeper into my body. His hands touched me everywhere. I was acutely aware of the way our breath mingled together as he stroked the innermost part of me. The feel of his hips beneath my thighs. The stubble on his chin as he kissed me.
I threw my head back and Clay suckled my neck, making noises in the back of his throat as his movements became more frenzied. I felt a strange searing heat build in the pit of belly. I dug my fingers into his shoulder blades and he yelled my name as we exploded together.
Clay collapsed on my chest, his sweat slick hair sticking to my skin. I smoothed the strands back from his forehead. Clay kissed the hollow of my throat, his lips lingering on the frantic pulse that beat there. We didn't speak, each of us too spent, too emotional. I felt tears prick my eyes and I was completely overwhelmed by what we had just shared.
Clay would always be a part of me now. No one could ever replace this first time for me and despite everything, I was so glad it was with him. He traced his fingertips over my stomach, tickling it, and making me giggle. He pulled out of me slowly and went to the bathroom.
I pulled the sheet up under my chin, suddenly feeling shy to by lying there without anything on. Clay came back, clearly not as modest. He smiled at me. He gently pulled the sheet away. “Don't cover yourself, baby. You're amazing.” He laid down beside me, pulling me against his front.
We lay together, entangled. He nuzzled my hair. “This is what I wanted, Mags. To fall asleep holding you. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't forgiven me. I am so, so sorry.” I snuggled as close to him as I could get. Clay pulled the blankets over us and I felt warm and safe in our cocoon, our earlier fight, not forgotten, but less pertinent.
My eyelids began to droop and just as I was about to fall off to sleep, Clay whispered in my ear. “This is forever, Maggie. I would follow you into hell if I had to.” His breath tickled my skin. He kissed my temple. “You are all I want for the rest of my life.”
I was so tired that I couldn't be sure I heard him correctly. But I knew his love was an intense, hungry thing. I worried for a moment, as I feel asleep, that his love would eat me alive.
Chapter Seventeen
I woke up the next morning, blinking with the brightness that lit the room. It was like waking up on the surface of the sun. It was still early, I could tell by the lingering darkness that clung to the corners of the room and the edges of the sky. Clay was wrapped tightly around me and I could barely move. His face was buried in the back of my neck and his arms pinned me to his side. I felt hot and sweaty from the warmth of his body.
I needed to go the bathroom. Badly. I tried to wriggle out from underneath him, but that only caused him to tighten his hold on me. Okay, I was starting to feel claustrophobic. I laid there, until I felt his hold slacken and I slowly lifted his arm from around my chest and placed it gently beside him.
I was then able to disengage my legs from his and roll out of the bed. I landed on my feet, feeling like a gymnast with the crazy maneuvers I had to use to get of bed. I looked over at Clay and saw that he was still asleep. I tiptoed behind the Japanese screen and tried to pee as quietly as possible. I wasn't entirely comfortable relieving myself with him so close by. There are just some things I wasn't ready to share with him.
I quickly brushed my teeth and pulled my hair back in a ponytail. I looked in the mirror over the sink and stared at myself. I didn't look any different, but my body felt different. I could feel soreness when I moved certain muscles I had never used before. I felt more like a woman and less like a little girl.
I thought back to last night. Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I wondered whether I had made the right decision. It had all seemed to make sense in the moment. The fight had been a distant memory. But now in the cold light of morning, I was reminded of how awful things had gotten. Had I rushed into sex to try and block out how much he had hurt me?
Shaking my head, I tried to ignore the nagging concerns that threatened to ruin my good mood.