Find You in the Dark

I made my way to the back of the store, where it broke off into a separate space for the used books. I stopped first at the small cart just inside the room, looking through the “new” items Ruby had gotten in. I picked up a collection of essays by William Faulkner and went to a worn armchair in the corner.

I was so engrossed that I didn't know he was there until I felt someone beside me. I looked up to see Clayton Reed standing beside my chair, his arms loaded down with books. He turned up one side of his mouth in a half smile. “Hey, Maggie.” He said quietly, not looking away from me. I felt the insane urge to smooth my hair, but I resisted, not wanting to come across like a moron.

“Hey.” I said back, closing the Faulkner book and getting up so I could return it to the stack. “So, what are you doing here?” He asked, shifting the books in his arms. I looked around and lifted my hands. “Oh I don't know, baking a cake. Learning CPR, take your pick.” I remarked sarcastically. Clay smiled, apparently appreciating my dry humor. He dropped his armful of books on a nearby table and started going through them, checking them over carefully, selecting one, then disappearing down an aisle to place it on a shelf.

I walked over and picked up a beat up copy of Kurt Vonnegut's Dead Eye Dick. Clay appeared at my side and looked over my shoulder at the book. “You ever read it?” He asked. I shook my head and looked at him. Wish I hadn't done that. Because being that close to him literally took my breath away. Why did he have to be so cute? And smell so good? It was almost disconcerting and more than a little hard to deal with when I was trying to be all normal and stuff.

“You should. It's one of my favorites.” I started to hand it to him but he gently pushed it back into my hands. “No, you take it. Read it when you've got time.” “Uh, thanks.” I murmured, tucking the book into my bag.

I followed Clay down another aisle as he put more books on the shelves. “So you work here or something?” I asked him. Clay arched his eyebrow at me. “Nah, I'm here to go fishing, or learn tight rope walking. Take your pick.” He volleyed my sarcasm back at me and I grinned. “Touche, Mr. Reed. Touche.” He chuckled and handed me a pile of books to hold as he carefully put them in their proper places.

After a few minutes, Clayton finally answered me. “I started working here last week. You know, after I moved here. My aunt Ruby owns the place.” He said shyly. Again, he seemed uncomfortable with revealing anything personal. “Really, your aunt owns this place? It's seriously my favorite store. I try to come in here at least once a month.” I told him, genuinely enthused.

Clay smiled. “I'll tell her you said that. She'd be pleased.” “So your aunt...do you live with her?” I asked, digging again for any little bit of elusive information. Clay turned back to the books he was putting away, his shoulders suddenly very tense. “Yeah.” He said shortly.

He was definitely communicating loud and clear that he did not want to talk about this topic. Too bad for him, because I wasn't listening. “So where are your parents then?” I asked, following him again as he moved down the rows of books. “They're in Florida. Where I'm from.” He answered. Okay, he was not very good with the details. “So, you're not living with them because...?” I trailed off.

Clay turned around and looked at me. His cheeks had two bright blotches of red and he looked annoyed. “Look, I'm not trying to be rude or anything. But I don't really know you. I'm not one to vomit up my life story to random people.” I felt my gut twist. I tried not to be hurt by his words. He was right after all. He didn't know me from Adam and here I was grilling him about his life. I was the one being rude and invasive.

“Sorry, Clay. I'm not trying to be nosy. I'm just interested in getting to know you is all.” I told him sincerely. The tension left Clayton's shoulders and he seemed to relax. He turned back to shelving the books. “Why are you so interested in me?” He asked quietly. Hmm. How to answer that one? I didn't want to tell him that I thought he was the most gorgeous creature I had ever seen and wanted to have his babies. That might be a little much. So I gave him the next true statement that came to mind.

“I would like to be your friend. If that's all right.”

Clay looked at me strangely. I couldn't read his expression at all and he stood quietly for a moment, studying me. “Yeah. That would be cool.” He said after a few minutes. I smiled tentatively at him and he returned my smile with one of his own.

After following him around the back of the store for another fifteen minutes, engaging in casual chit chat, I finally got up the nerve to ask him the question I really wanted answered. “So when do you get off work? Do you want to go grab a cup of coffee or something?” I braced myself for his rejection. I was being really ballsy today.

Clayton looked up at the clock on the wall. “Actually I'm not technically working today. I just came in to help Tilly with stocking the shelves.” Clay indicated the twenty something girl who manned the cash register. The girl looked up when she heard her name. She was pretty, in that hippie sort of way, with long red hair and a colorful gypsy skirt.

I tried not to get eaten alive with jealousy when she gave Clay a full toothed smile that clearly said she liked him saying her name. “Tilly, I'm gonna take off now. You cool?” He asked, walking behind her to grab his jacket. Tilly flicked her hair over her shoulder and straightened her loose blouse that was covered in tiny bells. “Sure, Clay. You going to be in tomorrow?” She asked with barely concealed hope in her voice. Clayton bestowed a beautiful smile on her and the jealousy raged wildly in my stomach. I wanted that smile directed at me, damn it!

A. Meredith Walters's books