Finally Found

The morning was quiet until Ryan, Ellen, and Abby arrived. There were many uncomfortable silences while Cammie cooked and puttered around the kitchen, lost in thought. Adam struggled for a way to reach her, to regain some of the closeness they had previously experienced. It was lonely there with Sam and Haley all wrapped up in each other. It was still lonely when Ellen and her family arrived in their cohesive family unit. So, Adam found himself hiding out in the kitchen. He knew that Cammie wasn’t thrilled to have him there, but it was more comfortable than trying to be around everyone else.

Surrounded by the sounds of cooking and the amazing smells of the meal, he sat and worked on a list. It was the most challenging work he had ever done. It was facing everything he wanted to forget so that he might be able to salvage something. If he could just figure out who Cammie’s sister was, when everything had gone so horribly wrong, then maybe he could repair some of the damage. If he could prove to her that he was a different man, then maybe she would give him a chance.

It didn’t take Sam long to figure out what he was working on. He had checked in on the kitchen to make sure Cammie had everything she needed. He wanted to remind her that the market down the street would be closing early. When Adam hadn’t even lifted his head or joined in the conversation, Sam had walked over to the table and peeked over his shoulder.

Luckily Cammie had chosen that moment to bring some snack foods out to the great room so the rest of the crew could nibble while watching the parade. Sam took that opportunity to confront his brother.

“Really, Adam,” he said in a low voice, “you don’t even know who her sister is. You think dredging up the past will make it better?”

“No, I don’t, but I think that if I don’t re-visit my history I am doomed to repeat it. If I don’t face it, then I can run from it, hide how awful and insensitive I was, pretend that it was no big deal that I have made no lasting or meaningful relationships in thirty years that didn’t involve a blood relative.” He growled as he stood and motioned for Sam to follow him out the back door as he snatched the paper off the table to take with him.

Once outside, Adam turned and started speaking once more. “You are my best friend. You…are my only friend. While I’m thrilled we’re finally close, I should have more friends. Really I should. Instead, I have a list…a growing list of all the women I slept with and discarded. I was so…wrong for that.” He sighed and looked down at the frosty ground. “It wasn’t even a challenge. It was just…fun. And I played it off and convinced myself that everyone was doing it, so it must be okay.” He stared at the paper he had clenched in his hand. “I don’t even remember the names for too many of these women. I don’t remember the sex. I just remember that it seemed like a good idea at the time. And I was lonely. It was nice to fill the emptiness for just a little while.”

“Okay, so you want the reminder to never be an ass again. I get that. What happens if you figure out who Cammie’s sister is? You think she’s going to want whatever details you recall of the experience? Hell, she’s probably worried right now that you are comparing the two. For all you know this is some crazy sister competition.” Sam was scowling at him.

“You’re right. And I might almost believe that, but I’m no prize.” With that admission, he turned on his heels and headed into the house.

He made it as far as the entrance to the great room before Cammie stopped him. “Hey, I hate to bring this up…” Her voice trailed off.

Adam turned to look at her and the pained expression on her face made him pause. “Did I do that?” He asked, coming over to her side as she stirred the gravy on the stove.

“What?” She asked confused. In response, he simply smoothed the worry lines on her forehead with the back of his hand and chased the frown lines away from her mouth. She slapped his hand away, but in doing so couldn’t help but smile just a bit. “No. I’m worried about court and Sam and Haley and the intense discussion last night that I felt all awkward about.”

He glanced over his shoulder and realized that Sam could walk in at any moment. While he wouldn’t just share something of such a personal nature with anyone…Cammie was not just anyone. “Can that sit a minute? Can we go to the bedroom and talk for a moment?” She wore a skeptical look. “Please, just talk…about Haley.”

She turned off the burner and nodded to him. Without giving her an opportunity to change her mind, he quickly grabbed her hand and dragged her across the great room, directly down the hall to his bedroom. He still had the list in his other hand and as soon as he closed the door behind them, he shoved the incomplete list in his underwear drawer before turning to speak with her.

“So, I don’t know how much you know about our recent history. I’m guessing you may have missed me at more than a few parties?” He watched her for a reaction.

She smirked and nodded. “There were one or two that I was sure you would have been at.”

“Did anyone mention what was going on with me? Where I was?” He studied her.

Looking off into the corner of the room, it was obvious she was trying to remember. She scrunched up her face. “No, I don’t recall anyone mentioning you.”

“And Sam wonders why I think I don’t have any friends,” he muttered. “Okay, well this all started nearly a year ago. Haley was living in Philly and engaged to a not so nice guy. From what I understand, they were at a New Year’s Eve party when he disappeared to hook up with someone, since Haley was saving herself for marriage. When she went to look for him, his best friend cornered her and raped her.”

Cammie inhaled sharply and winced. “Not Haley…”

“Yes, Haley.” He frowned. It was such a personal thing that he revealed, he only hoped she would understand that, recognize the trust, and realize that he could be trusted in return. “She was pretty messed up, physically, mentally, emotionally…as you might imagine. With Sam’s love, she has been recovering ever since.” He sighed. He was happy for Sam, but damn he wanted to find love, too.

“So, how does this relate to you, your absence from a couple of months of parties?” She wore a confused look.

“Oh, that.” He laughed. “The guy who raped her, tried to run her over. I got in the way. That’s all.” He shrugged.

“That’s all,” she repeated in disbelief. “There’s always more to every story with you, isn’t there?”

For some reason, he couldn’t resist. He leaned over and kissed the very tip of her nose. “Doll, I’d love to share everything with you.” He looked into her eyes. They were narrowed. “Some other time maybe.”

Without further explanation, he left the room.