No shit? No shit!
I rub my temples. This can’t be happening. How could I go wild on my friends and not remember? I was so lost in the haze, swinging blindly. Rex wasn’t wearing anything to protect his head. Fuck. I could’ve killed him.
I feel the blood drain from my face. I’m lightheaded as I try to make sense of my scrambled thoughts. “I did?”
“Fuck yeah, you did. Some freaky shit. It’s like you weren’t there,” Rex says.
“Blake, dude, what the fuck is up with you lately?” Jonah’s words aren’t pissed, but concerned.
I swallow hard, my mouth suddenly dry. “I told you. Something sets me off.” I shrug. “I can’t control it.”
Just. Like. My. Dad.
Jonah gives me a hand and pulls me to my feet. I move to Rex, but have a hard time looking at his face. I can’t believe I did that.
I hold out my gloved hand. “I’m sorry, man.” Nothing I could say would be enough. “I feel like shit.”
He shakes my hand. “No need for apologies, bro.” He licks at the trail of blood that made its way to his mouth. “I like it.”
Jonah chuckles at my side. “Crazy motherfucker.”
“Still, you should have Doc Z check that out. Might need a stitch.”
He wipes at his eye. “Nah, nothing a little ice won’t fix. You guys cool?”
Jonah and I nod.
“The Fade is fucked come fight night. That’s all I’m sayin’.” Rex walks away shaking his head.
There’s something I should say. An explanation as to why I lost my mind back there. “Shit’s getting worse.”
“What?”
“My temper. Think I’m turning into my old man.” A wave of nausea turns my stomach.
“Can’t turn into anything you don’t want.”
I sure as shit don’t want to be like my dad, but this is happening more and more, and I have zero control. Now I know how Jonah must feel. “How do you lock it down? Keep from flippin’ out?”
“Before Raven, I couldn’t. But now it’s easy. I think about her, our baby. Too much to lose to go all psycho on a fool.” A wicked smile tips his lips. “That’s how I kept from killin’ your ass just now.”
I’ve got a woman, but bringing her to mind only fuels the beast inside rather than subdue it. This is so fucked up.
“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll give that a try.” My voice sounds flat in my ears. “I’ve got to run.” I pick up my gear and head to the locker room. Before I get a few feet from the octagon, Jonah calls my name.
I turn around and he’s gripping the chain link. “We’re even now.”
The corner of my mouth ticks with a grin. “We’ve always been.”
He gives me a chin lift that I return, and I head off in search for some peace. Something to ground me while the tornado rages in my head. I make a plan to swing by my house before I go to Layla’s.
A session alone with the music should do the job.
If not, I’m royally fucked.
Twenty-three
Layla
“Hey, Mom?” Axelle’s words come from behind me as she heads from her room toward the kitchen. “Would it be okay if—whoa! Are you cooking?” She peers over my shoulder to the cutting board, where I’m cutting a bok choy.
“Yeah, don’t sound so surprised.” I throw a teasing smile her way. “I got paid and thought I’d make dinner for dinner.” I shrug, waiting to gauge her reaction before I tell her about the evening’s guest.
“Cool.” She drags a chair out from the table and sits. “Um… in two weeks there’s a dance thing. It’s one of those girls-ask-the-boys deals. I think I know who I want to ask but I don’t know if I should.”
Two things hit me at once. One, my daughter is asking for my advice. And two, she’s opening up to me about a boy. The combination of these realizations makes me smile into my shoulder.
I school my expression and give her my attention with a casual turn of my body. “Why not?”
“I don’t know.” She pulls at her bottom lip. “I guess I’m afraid it might change things between me and him.”
“Does this boy like you?”
“As a friend, yeah.” A slight blush colors her cheeks. “But more than a friend? I don’t know.”
“But, you like him.” My lips pull up at the edges. “More than a friend?”
“It’s hard to say, I mean, how can I tell? I like hanging out with him, but I don’t know. It’s confusing.” She drops her head to the table. “Ugh.”
I sit across from her at the table. “Tell him that. Explain what you just explained to me, that you want to go with him, but that you value the friendship and don’t want to ruin it. Then, see what he says. My guess? Killian would be honored—”
“Mom!” Her eyes are wide and her cheeks flame.
“What? You didn’t think I’d figure that out?”
She smiles and shakes her head. “So you think I should ask him?”
“Absolutely. Just tell him you want to go as friends.”