I hop in, half-giddy and a lot anxious for the make-out session ahead. My body’s on fire, perfectly primed and eager for his hands, his mouth. Damn, but I don’t want a repeat of last night.
He climbs in the driver’s seat and turns the ignition. I lean over and place small kisses on his neck and shoulder. The smell of his sun-kissed skin sends my tongue out for a taste. Mmm, so good.
“Mouse.” He grabs my hand and pulls it into his lap, pressing my palm between his legs. “Not gonna last long, sweetheart. Not with your sweet mouth on me. I’m gonna ask you to stop and—fuck—I need you to obey. I dig the rebel thing, I do, but—” I rub my hand between his legs, and his words fade to a groan. “I won’t have sex with you in a car.”
My lips freeze against his neck, and heat rushes to my cheeks. A man like Blake doesn’t put his lust on hold because of the past hurts of a woman. No, men like Blake are out for themselves. No concern for others. But here he is, again and again, putting my best interests above his own. I don’t know what to make of that, but I like it. A lot.
“Okay, Blake.” I kiss his neck one last time and settle back into my seat. “I can wait.”
He grimaces like the very idea of waiting is physically painful and puts the car in drive. As the minutes tick away, my restlessness increases. Unable to keep my hands off him for another second, I reach over to rest my hand on his thigh. His mouth ticks with a small smile, and he covers my hand with his.
I can’t believe I’m doing this. I haven’t been excited about sex before. Even when Stewart and I first got married, as much as I tried to get into it, I always wanted to be somewhere else. With someone else. Hell, being alone would’ve been an improvement.
But I want this. And damn if it doesn’t feel incredible to be able to make a choice. Good or bad, mistake or not, it’s my decision.
Even if he breaks my heart.
I’m not sure that’s possible anymore. Whatever’s left of my devotion, I’ve pledged to my daughter. She’s my life. My heart. There’s room for fun, maybe even for feelings, which I’m definitely having for the strong fighter next to me. But love? I wouldn’t even know what that looks like, much less what it feels like.
So I’ll take this for what it’s worth. This dating relationship is good now. And when it goes bad, we’ll be friends and move on. It might hurt, hell, it could rock me for a few days, but nothing could be as bad as what I’ve already been through. Nothing.
Not even a life without Blake.
I pinch the bridge of my nose, forcing thoughts of our relationship’s impending doom as far from my mind as possible. It works, and my mind clears.
“You all right?” he asks, his handsome face etched with concern.
“Fine. Just uh… trying to figure out what your tattoo says.” I study the large tattoo that covers part of his left pec and bleeds down to his ribs. It’s a military emblem, but I don’t know which one. “Is that an army tattoo?”
He laughs in a quick burst. “No, not army. Marines.”
Marines? Blake was a Marine? Damn, just when I thought he couldn’t get any hotter. “How long were you a Marine?”
“Not long. Military school for four years, the Corps for two.”
I don’t know much about the military, but two years doesn’t seem like a long time to be in. “What happened?”
He looks at me, and even with his sunglasses on, I can see the shadows of his past twisting his expression into something defensive. “What makes you think something happened?”
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”
Shaking his head, he sets his gaze forward. Silence passes between us for a few seconds, and I decide to let it go.
“Dad was a colonel. Wanted his boys to follow in his footsteps. We did. Worked out for my little brother. Not so much for me.” He shrugs and drops it.
“I didn’t know you had a little brother.” I hope the subject change will relieve some of the tension in the car.
“Yeah.” He grins. Thank goodness. “Braeden. He just turned twenty-one. I’m trying to get him out here for my fight. You might meet him.”
“Is he as handsome as you are?” I smile at the very faint blush that colors his cheeks. I made Blake blush!
“Nah. I’m way better looking.”
We laugh together and hold hands in silence for the rest of the ride. I vow to approach his hidden military past later if an opportunity presents itself. For now, I keep my mouth shut. With the possibility of what might happen once we get to his house, I have more important things to think about. And number one is to avoid a repeat of last night’s episode.
I spend the last few minutes of the drive casting Stew Moorehead from my thoughts. Gagging his memory and replacing it with the beautiful things I’ve experienced with Blake.
It’s time I shut Stew up for good. And nothing will do that better than a first time with a new guy.
Eighteen