This sucks.
“Oh, that’s too bad. What do they do? For work?” Her eyes are fixed on the task before her, chopping and dumping into a bowl.
“My mom is in sales.” Please, let that be enough. My stomach churns. This already feels like a lie.
“What does she sell?
My shoulders slump in defeat. Might as well get it over with. I check the clock on the microwave. Jonah should be home soon. I wish he were here now.
“Herself. My mom is a call girl.”
Her chopping ceases and she turns toward me, the question burning in her eyes. “Call center girl?”
I scrub my face with my hand. “Call girl.”
Katherine’s knife drops on the counter with a clang. Her eyes are huge and her mouth moves, but no sound comes out.
I’m not finished yet. “Her pimp . . . well, he’s my . . . my uh . . . he got her pregnant.”
She adds head shaking to the list of silent responses.
“I don’t . . . or, um, never had a relationship with either of them.” I exhale a long breath.
There. I did it.
My teeth rake over my lower lip. I count the tiles on the floor. Silent seconds tick. I prepare for the speech about my being trash and no good for her son. I straighten my spine, ready for her attack on my character. Dragging my eyes to meet hers, I lurch in shock.
Her eyes are the exact shade of Jonah’s. And just like Jonah, filled with compassion. Not judgment. I relax a fraction under their gaze.
“That’s an incredible story.” Her voice is gentle and calms my nerves. “You must have been through a lot growing up. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you.” She picks up my hand and holds it in hers. “You know what you are, Raven?”
I shake my head no, fearing that my voice will break the consoling cocoon her words provide. I’m desperate to know.
What am I?
“You’re like that single wild flower that grows from the crack in the pavement: miraculous growth with no water source or fertile soil. A person walking by would step around that flower to avoid crushing it. It’s not like the field of wild flowers you tromp through carelessly, crushing them under your feet, knowing that the next day will bring a hundred more.”
She pauses to place her hand on my cheek. “You’ve managed a life through your obstacles. It may be a lonely life, but a life nonetheless. Surviving is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s something to be proud of.”
She sees me as worthy. Not a weight in Jonah’s life, but special. A miracle.
I want to express what her words mean to me, but can’t organize my emotions fast enough. Tears pool in my eyes. I blink, and they overflow as her speech runs on repeat in my head, leeching out the poison left behind in my soul.
She brings a kitchen towel to my face and wipes my tears. Her kind smile is more than I can handle and I sob.
“Oh, honey.” She pulls me into her arms. I’m completely lost in her embrace. She holds me tight, speaking words into my hair about strength and release.
My cheek presses into her shoulder, soaking her shirt with my tears. I startle when a pair of strong arms pull me away from her. So deep in my sorrow, I didn’t hear him come in. The familiar smell of citrus and spice relax my muscles, and I bury myself into Jonah’s chest.
“Mom. What the fuck happened?” Anger laces his voice.
I can’t see Katherine’s face, but her whispered, “It’s okay, Joey” has him relaxing against me. He takes a deep breath and holds me until I calm.
“Baby?” He kisses my head and rubs my back.
I lean away from Jonah, but he keeps his arms tightly around my waist. I wipe my face, feeling exposed and embarrassed. “Sorry. It’s stupid—”
“No, Raven, don’t do that. Don’t belittle your strength with embarrassment. You have nothing to be ashamed of.” Katherine’s eyes are wet with tears.
I nod and simply say the only thing I can, “Thank you, Katherine.”
Staring at Jonah’s neck, I’m unable to lift my gaze, fearing what I might see in his eyes.
“Hey. Look at me.”
I brave a glance.
He’s smiling tenderly, bringing forth both dimples. “You okay?”
I nod.
“Right.” He kisses my lips, then the tip of my nose, and finally my forehead.
“My son is lucky to have you, Raven. I’m very proud of him, and I’m equally proud of you.”
Warmth floods my chest, flowing into my cheeks and pulling on my lips. I look from Katherine to Jonah.
“You girls have fun today?” He doesn’t take his eyes from mine. His voice is soft and I appreciate the change to a happier subject.