Neither of them spoke, the silence between them tense, thick. Finally, Tommy whispered, “I’m sorry.”
The sincerity in his voice caused tears to sting the backs of her eyes. Julie dropped her head to hide them. “I know.”
“I did get caught up in the moment. I was Tommy ‘Lightning’ Sparks again. The superstar. It felt good.” He paused as he shifted on the bench.
She’d known this, but hearing him confirm it sent another shot of hurt winging through her.
She’d been scared to death of this outcome, had tried to protect herself from it. But the man had made her believe. Believe in them…only to turn around and jump right back into the lifestyle the second he stepped foot in it again.
“But you were wrong about one thing,” he continued. “I did think of you…looked for you. All it took was for me to see you, and I was at ease. But when I couldn’t find you—” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Julie, I felt lost. I was filled with so much panic. Nothing means more to me than you. My life is with you.” He shifted again, taking her hands, squeezing. “Julie. I love you.”
It was the second time he’d said those words in a way she’d waited a lifetime to hear. And a flare of hope budded in her chest, but it quickly wilted as she remembered how happy he’d been.
The grin on his face. The twinkle in his eye. And no matter how much he said he loved her, wanted to believe he’d never do it again, had looked for her, he had forgotten her. He hadn’t noticed her absence for an hour and a half.
She tugged her hand from his.
“Julie—”
“Let me speak now.” A sad smile came to her lips. “You’ve been my best friend for so long. But you’ve also been so much more to me than that. The other night, I was immediately back in the past, watching from the sidelines, reliving all those years when you never noticed I’d left a party because you were too busy with the party…too busy with your women to realize that I was no longer there.”
“Oh, God, Julie,” he said, voice hoarse, his eyes stricken. “I swear, I didn’t know.”
She waved his words away. “No you didn’t, because I didn’t want you to. I never once thought we could ever work. Besides, all you’d ever seen me as was your best friend…until you didn’t.” She paused, the thickening in her throat making it difficult to speak. She swallowed. “We had a great time these last few weeks. It was more than I’d ever imagined it would be. But you forgot me, Tommy, when all I wanted was to be by your side. I wanted to be introduced as Tommy Sparks’s girlfriend. Not kissed on the cheek, then pushed aside…just like you did when you thought of me as your sister.”
“We were doing great until the Boot Scoot—”
She shook her head. “No, Tommy, we weren’t. It’s been building for a few weeks now. First at the aquarium, then the reporter, and now this.”
“I don’t have to go back. I can cancel the fight. Get a desk job. Prove to you that it’s you I want.”
“And then what? You’ll grow to resent me because you’re no longer doing what you love? I can’t risk that, either.”
He gazed at her, his eyes filled with apprehension. “What are you saying?”
She clasped his hand in hers and met his gaze, no longer caring if he saw her tears or how hard this was for her to say. Letting Tommy go was the hardest thing she’d ever done. “I want you to go into that cage on Saturday and kick Moon’s ass. I want you to get everything you’ve fought so hard for. But I can’t go down that road again, Tommy. I can’t go back.”
“So…this is it?” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat, glancing away as he swallowed.
“Yeah, this is it.”
Before she broke down, she placed a light kiss on his cheek and walked away. Each step harder than the last, but this was the right thing to do.
He was free now. She was free.
So, why did she feel more bound to him than ever?
…
As Julie waited for the popcorn popping in the microwave, she puttered aimlessly around the kitchen, opening cabinets, straightening the silverware, restacking the bowls. Anything to keep her busy.
The house seemed too quiet. Empty.
It had been two days since she’d left Tommy sitting on that bench. Two days of trying to get through the day as if there weren’t a gaping hole in her life. Tommy had been such a constant for so long, it was like a piece of her was missing now.
After she’d kicked him out, and she’d had her anger to hang onto, it had been easy to ignore his absence. But now…now with all her feelings spilled to him and her anger gone, she was faced with how big a mark Tommy had left in every nook and cranny of her home.
The couch was the center point of so many memories, she was going to have to burn it.