“You’ve had that I’ve-been-rocked-good look all week. Spill. Is it that handsome fighter?”
She couldn’t be referring to Tommy, since Melody would’ve used his name. What fighter was she— “Brody? Oh, God no, we’re just friends.” Over the last few days, they’d talked on the phone a few times. He’d been happy to hear that she hadn’t chickened out. She figured there was a little bit of vicarious living involved.
“Then who?”
She bit her lip, not really wanting to say. She hadn’t told anyone except Brody about the change in her and Tommy’s relationship. Mostly out of fear of how it would end. But she needed a woman’s perspective. She took a deep breath and confessed, “Tommy.”
Her friend’s eyes widened. “No shit? Really?”
“Yeah.”
“So are you two…together?”
“No. Yeah. No.” Julie slumped her shoulders. “God, I don’t know.”
And she really didn’t. When he was mindless with desire, she knew exactly where they were.
But it was when he kissed her super slowly or thrust into her while gazing tenderly down into her eyes…those were the brief moments that confused her—left her wanting to know what it would be like to really make love to Tommy.
At the same time, she wasn’t sure if that was a good place to go with him. She was already a changed woman from being with him. If he ever— She shook her head. Not going there.
“Umm…what do you mean you don’t know if you’re together?” Melody asked.
Why had she even said that? “It’s just physical. No big deal.”
Her friend arched an eyebrow. “How could anything be just physical between you and Tommy?
You had a relationship before this. For years. Emotions were already there. You guys love each other.”
“Well…it’s complicated.”
“Bullshit. That’s a Facebook relationship status. This is you and Tommy. So, un-complicate it, for heaven’s sake. What do you want?”
She didn’t know the answer to that one, either. She wanted him in all the exquisite ways he’d shown her and in all the ways he’d yet to show her. That was a definite. Anything more? She just didn’t let her mind go there. One: Tommy said himself he wasn’t capable of more. Two: She was terrified of what more would mean.
“You know Tommy’s reputation, right?” she murmured.
“You mean the confirmed bachelor who loves to party and loves women even more? Yeah, I’ve heard.”
“But that’s only part of it, Mel. After Tommy started getting big in MMA, he changed. A lot.
There were nights I would stand off to the side after one of his fights while he was literally mobbed by people, and he wouldn’t even notice.”
“But there’s that picture of you in the cage after he won the belt,” Melody objected. “Someone who’s not important to him wouldn’t be given that privilege.”
“This is true. And I’ve never doubted Tommy wanted me there. But he tends to forget me when the spotlight is on him.” God. She’d never shared this with anyone before. She’d kept the hurt locked away because she’d felt so selfish for feeling it, when he’d worked so hard for years to earn that spotlight fair and square. But the first time he’d excluded her had hurt deeply, and she’d been standing right beside him in the cage. “Do you know he thanked everyone, including this guy from our childhood who dared him to join the wrestling team, in that victory speech? Everyone but me.” When Melody’s eyes softened in sympathy, Julie continued, “That night at the party, I stood alone by a wall for hours, watching him four-deep in admirers. I ended up leaving without even saying good-bye.” As tears pricked her eyes, she blinked them away and glanced at the floor. “He didn’t notice. Never even mentioned it. Whenever that spotlight is on him, he forgets all about me.”
“Dang, Julie. I had no idea.”
She let out a slow breath. “I refused to let his moments of insensitivity ruin our friendship.
When it came down to it, those moments were really small in comparison to the other stuff that man does for me. How he is there when I need him for other things. I had—have—no right to be upset. Those were his moments, and I wasn’t his girlfriend. I was just his best friend. But it hurt badly enough as that. It would crush me as his girlfriend.”
Melody leaned forward. “But it would be different, Julie. You have to realize that. A man really does treat a friend differently than he treats a girlfriend.”
“Or it could be more of exactly the same. Who knows? He’s never actually had a girlfriend.”
Melody studied her. “Well. At least he isn’t actively fighting now. He’s just training, right?”
“Yeah. He’s not sure if Ethan will ever let him in the cage again.”