“All I know is what you tell me, and that isn’t much. Please, Shelly—”
“Don’t.” When his frown deepened, I added, “I asked you not to call me that.”
I didn’t miss the confusion in his eyes before he continued. “If I can’t come home with you, will you at least tell me why you insist on remaining such a mystery?”
“If I told you, then you wouldn’t be half as interested in me as you are now.” I lowered my sunglasses, checked my watch, and practically ran to get to my car.
I was late.
I fought through seven miles of traffic. The short distance took me twenty minutes due to everyone rushing home. There was a forecast for a thunderstorm tonight. Summer storms always proved to be the fiercest so I could understand the slight panic.
When I finally reached my destination, I hopped out of my car and rushed over the sidewalk to the entrance where the manager was closing the door for the night.
“Cindy, I am so sorry.”
“Sheldon, I told you to take all the time you needed.” She turned from locking the door with a wide smile gracing her lips. “So how did it go?”
“I’m not sure...”
I picked up my little dark haired bundle who pouted and said, “Mommy late,” before kissing me on the cheek. It was a move she made when she was upset with me but still wanted attention that reminded me so much of her father. I nibbled on her chubby cheeks, and once she was preoccupied playing with my hair, I turned back to the daycare manager.
“You’re not sure?” She cocked her hip and rolled her eyes. Cindy was like the big sister I never had although no one would ever really believe we were biological sisters simply because she’s African American. “What the hell does that mean, Sheldon? You have too much riding on graduating.”
“Language, Cindy.”
For a girl who spent her entire day with kids, she had a really bad habit of letting her words fly. The first time Kennedy brought home a bad word was the day I started potty training her. Promptly after making her deposit, she jumped to her feet, pointed to the kiddie potty and yelled ‘shit.’
“Sorry. I’m sure you did well, but you have to lighten up a little. If you stress then so does Kennedy.”
I didn’t need to be reminded of the risks of upsetting her. I never stopped thinking about it. “Easier said than done.”
“Have you thought about what I said?”
“No. I haven’t and I don’t need to. The answer is still no. It will always be no.”
“Sheldon—”
“No. Cindy, even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t know where to look. He’s gone.” I felt the tremble in my voice and judging by the look on Cindy’s face, I know she heard it, too. I looked down at Kennedy, who now stared up at me with wonder and innocence in her eyes that I wouldn’t want to take away because of her father’s black heart. “And if I’m lucky he’ll stay away.”
*
FOUR YEARS AGO
My guts felt as if they were crawling up my spine as I knelt over the toilet. It wasn’t fear of the unknown or even the violent retching that made my body tremble.
I knew exactly what was wrong with me.
It was ironic that I was at a wedding when I realized it. Lake’s aunt and the private investigator she hired to uncover her sister’s death had taken the plunge and married so soon after knowing each other.
“Sheldon?”
When I looked up, I was met with sparkling, turquoise gems staring back at me with worry etched all over picture-perfect features. I tried to answer and pretend everything was okay. I really did, but instead, I turned for another round of emptying my guts.
This couldn’t be happening.
I denied and rationalized it over and over in my head, but each time I felt my stomach turn and my head swim, I came closer to admitting the reality of my fucked up truth. I didn’t realize I was choking until I felt gentle hands pull me from the floor to sit on the couch. Who puts a couch in a bathroom anyway?
“Lake, I don’t know what I’m going to do.” She rubbed my back and waited patiently for me to continue. It was the only thing I could think to say. I didn’t realize how upset I’d made her until I heard her own sniffle and realized she was crying with me.
“Tell me what’s wrong so I can help you.”
Her panic sparked my own again. “Oh, God, Lake… he left.”
She visibly relaxed although she still wore a worried look. “It’s going to be okay, Sheldon. I’m sure he’s okay.”
“It’s not that,” I whispered low. My fear amped with each passing second. Once the words were out, I wouldn’t be able to take them back. It would become real.
“What do you mean? What is it?”
I needed this to be a dream. I shook my head before turning to look her in the eyes. “I’m—
The door burst open before I could finish, and Keiran stormed in looking pissed. I hadn’t realized just how much time had passed and the lingering threat that had almost gotten them both killed.
He spotted Lake sitting on the chair.
If I didn’t admit it now, I may never.