“I deserve for you to believe me when I say that you didn’t fail. Did it really scare you that much? I thought you’d left because you didn’t want to see me again. I thought I’d failed somehow. I didn’t even think my virginity—God, I feel too old for that word—would be an issue. It certainly wasn’t one for me.”
After a moment, he nodded. “You’re right. You do deserve that. God, Meredith. I’m sorry. I just—” He took a deep breath and hugged her close.
She closed her eyes for a moment, savoring the rush of relief, excitement, and hope. He hadn’t abandoned her.
“I’ve found you attractive from the very start. I made all kinds of excuses for why I shouldn’t want you, because I knew I would stop at nothing to have you if I ever admitted how much I admired you. How smart and strong you are. How I feel about you. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. Not now. Not ever. I—I fucked up and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left, even for a minute. I won’t do that to you again, I swear it. I was just so desperate to be the kind of man that you might want in return.”
Oh. He wanted her. And he wanted her to want him back. “Shhh,” she whispered, kissing him again, feeling all the frantic words inside him slipping away. I want you, she told him with her lips, her tongue, and he slipped his hands inside her robe, stroking over her body, skimming over her cotton-clad bottom—
“Oh!” She jumped back, suddenly remembering her tattered robe and ratty panties and grabbing both sides of her now-open robe to yank it tightly closed. “I look like such a slob,” she moaned.
He smiled. “Absolutely not. You look beautiful. You don’t have to wear a nice gown to make me think so. I only regret that I didn’t admit I thought that way before today. We could have been doing this months ago.”
“Months ago, you had a girlfriend and there was no six-thousand-dollar dress hanging in your closet.”
He stiffened. “That dress was six thousand dollars?”
Her jaw dropped. “You didn’t know? How could you not know? I thought you said you’d already paid Lily back for it!”
At least he had the grace to look sheepish about getting caught in the lie. “I might have stretched the truth a bit about that. But the way you looked at it…even then, I couldn’t resist the desire to give you what you so clearly wanted. And I will pay Lily back for it, because it was worth it.” He nibbled at her ear. Meredith shivered, but forced herself to pull away.
She almost insisted on paying for it herself, but when she saw the look in his eyes, the offer died. Just as she’d asked him to believe her when she told him that he hadn’t failed, she would respect him enough to believe that he felt that giving her the dress had been worth the price.
“Thank you. It’s the most amazing dress I’ve ever worn. And you’re right. I did want it, badly. But I don’t need it. At least, not anymore. You’re the one who showed me that. You’re what I wanted all along.”
“Really?” His voice grew husky.
She nodded. “Yes. You’re even on my list.”
He was beautiful when he laughed. “You made a list?”
She blushed. “Just now, in fact. When I—when I thought that you’d left for good. I might have been a little, um, keyed up, and that somehow resulted in my making a list of the things I want. That I was planning to ask for quite strongly.” She gave him a mischievous smile and led him into the living room, where she picked up the pad of paper that she’d left on the coffee table and handed it to him.
“You might want to get comfortable.” She grinned and indicated the nearly full page.
He laughed again and took off his coat and tux jacket, draped them over the back of one of her chairs, toed off his shoes, and settled on the couch. “Will you join me?” he asked, reaching a hand out to her. She settled herself on his lap and he held out the pad of paper in front of both of them.
“What I Want Enough to Ask For,” he read the title of the list aloud, but then was silent for a moment. “I’m number one?”
She nodded, but instead of letting him continue, she twisted in his arms. “At first, when you left, I was—well, I was a little angry. It’s possible that there might have been another list initially that didn’t have your name on it…”
He laughed, and she dropped a quick kiss on his curving lips. “But then I wondered whether I’d spent my life just accepting what was given to me and not realizing that I might have been able to have more all along. I just had to ask. It was you who made me realize that I’ve done myself a disservice by not asking for what I want. You taught me, in a mere day, that telling myself and others what I want is the only way I’ll ever find happiness in my life. I decided to at least find out if there was a chance at something more, so I made a new list. With your name at the top. I want you, Andrew. I’m asking for you. Maybe not in a question but, oh, heck. May I please have you?”
“You already do,” he whispered, and it was a long moment before he turned his attention back to her list.