FADING: A novel

Roxy shakes her head at me. “You take life too seriously, you know? You need to let loose and have some fun. You’re never going to get this time back, Candace. Just enjoy it. Be young and carefree.”

 

I know she makes a good point. I tend to have a hard time letting myself be free. I mean, I go to the occasional party with Kimber, and I go out on dates here and there, but mostly, I’m dancing, studying, working, or hanging out with Jase. I’ve been in college for three years, and I have yet to do anything crazy. Roxy is right; I’ll never get this time back. After this year, I’m going to be focused on my dancing and trying to make it into a career. I need to relax and not take life so seriously all the time.

 

“Yeah,” I sigh. I stare out at the front of the shop that is covered in floor to ceiling windows. I breathe in a deep breath and say, “Maybe you’re right.”

 

“I know I’m right. Every school year you get sucked into your classes and dance. You keep yourself so busy. Let go. Just for a moment—let go. Be a little spontaneous.”

 

I stare her straight in the eyes.

 

“Just try,” she says.

 

I’m not sure what it is about today that makes me actually listen to what she is saying. Maybe it’s the fact that I am still irritated with my mother’s crude voicemail. I’ve heard it all before, but this time, I feel it seeping into me. Roxy is right. What the hell was I doing? Kimber is always out having the time of her life while I have my head buried in books. I’m always striving to be perfect, but I know I will never be that in my mother’s eyes. I try to do my best in school and with dance. Maybe if she sees how others look at me, she might start to appreciate me. She might even start to like me. Screw it.

 

“Let’s go next door,” I say as my lips start to turn up into a grin.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Come on. It’s dead in here. Let’s close up for an hour.” I hop down from my stool and start taking off my apron.

 

Roxy gets an approving look on her face and smiles. “Hell yeah! No way I’m gonna give you even a second to back down. Let’s go.”

 

Next door to the coffee shop is the tattoo parlor that Roxy’s boyfriend works at. We both yank off our aprons, and Roxy locks up.

 

The buzzing of tattoo guns fills the shop. The walls are painted black, and they are covered in tattoo flash. I don’t even look because I already know what I want. I have thought about getting a tattoo in the past but was always too scared.

 

“Hey, Rox,” Jared says as he walks up to the counter. “What are you guys doing here?”

 

Jared and Roxy have only been dating for a few months, but they are head over heels for each other.

 

“Candace wants to get a tattoo, and I need you to do it fast before she chickens out.”

 

“I’m not going to back out,” I say to her.

 

Jared looks at me surprised. “A tattoo, huh? Well, you’re in luck. My next appointment isn’t for another hour.” Jared comes around the counter, takes my hand, and walks me back to his station. I hop up onto the table and he asks, “So, what are you wanting?”

 

Clasping my hands together nervously, I look down at him. “I’d like a tiny heart on my lower hip.”

 

“Easy enough. Just lay down and relax while I get everything set up.”

 

As I lie on the table, I suddenly get nervous wondering if it’s going to hurt. I close my eyes and try to relax. Taking a few deep breaths, I feel Roxy grab ahold of my hand. I open my eyes and look at her.

 

“I can tell you’re freaking out,” she says.

 

“Just a bit. Does it hurt?” I ask as I eye the tattoos on her arms.

 

“Nah,” Jared says as he wheels over to me on his stool. “Unbutton and pull down your pants a little.”

 

Nervously, I do as he says.

 

“You ready?” he asks.

 

I look at Roxy as she gives me a reassuring look that reminds me of the conversation we had a few minutes ago. I want to do this. I need to do this.

 

“Absolutely,” I say.

 

I feel Jared’s fingers press down on my hip as the gun starts buzzing. The pricking of the needle stings slightly on the sensitive area, and I pinch my eyes shut.

 

“You doing okay?” Jared asks me.

 

Opening my eyes as I start to numb to the sensation, I look down at him. “Yeah, it’s actually not as bad as I thought.”

 

“Well, I’m just about done.”

 

“Really?!” I say, surprised at how fast it was.

 

Roxy lets out a soft laugh, “Candace, It’s just a tiny-ass heart. How long did you think it was going to take?”

 

“Done,” he says and he rolls away on his stool to grab a mirror and then rolls back. He hands it to me, and I hold it up, staring at the reflection of my new tattoo. It’s a simple black outline of a heart. Small and discreet.

 

“I love it, Jared. Thank you.”

 

He rubs on a glob of cool ointment and adheres a bandage over it. I grab his hand as he helps me sit up.

 

“Here,” he says and hands me a sheet of paper. “This will tell you how to care for the tat as it heals. If you notice anything unusual going on, call me.”

 

I nod and tell him, “Will do. Thanks again.”

 

Roxy grabs Jared around his waist to give him a hug. “Come over later?”

 

“Yeah, I get out of here around six,” he says before leaning down to kiss her. “See you girls later.”

 

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