FADING: A novel

“God, you’re loud.”

 

“Sorry,” she says, and then whispers, “What?” in exaggeration.

 

“Yeah, last night. Car wreck. Kimber called and told me. I went for a walk to try and calm myself down, and I wound up at Ryan’s house. I shouldn’t have gone there. I know it only hurt him to see me again, just to have me walk away.”

 

“Why didn’t you call me?”

 

“I don’t know. I was a mess.”

 

“Shit,” she says as she sits back and downs the rest of her martini.

 

“I’m ready to move on though. I’m ready for New York.”

 

She shakes her head at me, and I ask, “What?”

 

“I don’t think you are.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Nothing. Forget it. I’m happy for you. I’m gonna miss the crap out of you.”

 

“I’m going to miss you too.”

 

“You think you’ll come back?”

 

“I honestly don’t know. I have no idea where my life is going to take me. But I think I am finally ready to explore it on my own.”

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Forty-One

 

 

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I take one last look around the room that has been mine for the past three years. The walls are bare and everything that is mine is now in boxes sitting in storage. I dropped my car off at Kimber’s parents’ house last night. They are going to keep it in their garage until I figure out what I’m going to do with it. I already shipped out my boxes, and they should be waiting for me to pick up when I arrive in New York later tonight.

 

“You ready?” I turn to see Jase walking into my room, and he sits down on my stripped bed.

 

“I’m sad,” I say as I sit down next to him and lean my head on his shoulder.

 

“Me too. I can’t believe you’re leaving.”

 

“I know. Me either.” My chest aches knowing I will soon be leaving everything I know and hopping on a plane to go where I don’t know a single person. Jase has always been my rock. He’s my best friend, and I swear he’s the breath that kept me going this year. I’m scared to not have him.

 

Jase is moving in with Mark next week. They both got jobs here in the city and since Mark’s roommate is moving out and he’ll have the place to himself, he asked Jase to move in.

 

Kimber also got a job at a local magazine working in the marketing department. She told me she refuses to get another roommate, but that’s just her being stubborn. She told me she didn’t want to live with anyone if it wasn’t me.

 

“Hey, guys. We need to leave soon,” Kimber says as she stands in my doorway. She looks around my room and shakes her head. “This shit makes me sick.” She walks over and sits on the other side of me. I still feel so guilty for wasting all that time not speaking to Kimber. I wish I could get every second back.

 

“Have you even told your parents where you’re going?” Kimber asks.

 

“No. I haven’t spoken with them since Christmas Eve. And when I never heard from them on my birthday or graduation, I figured, why bother?”

 

“That really sucks ass,” she says.

 

“Yeah.”

 

She wraps her arm around me and Jase does as well. Kimber is the first one to break down and start crying and I follow shortly after.

 

“I’m going to miss you guys so much.”

 

“We are too,” Jase says. “Come on, girls, we need to head out.”

 

Jase stands up, walks over to my two large suitcases, and starts wheeling them out of the room. Sitting alone with Kimber, I say, “I’m so sorry that I didn’t trust you enough to talk to you. You’re my sister, and I shouldn’t have avoided you like that.”

 

“Candace, you have already apologized enough for all of that. It’s okay. It’s in the past.”

 

“I hate that I’m leaving just as we are talking again.”

 

“I know. Me too.” She gives me a squeeze before standing up. “We’d better go.”

 

The drive to Sea-Tac Airport is a quiet one. No one speaks, and the somber mood is thick in the car. I sit in the front seat with Jase and grip his hand the whole way there. I never thought I’d leave him. I never thought I’d be strong enough to. I keep reminding myself that this has always been my dream. This was the goal all along. I just got really sidetracked this past year.

 

Ryan keeps breaking through my thoughts. I tell myself moving will lessen the pain I feel every time I think about him. I know once I get to New York that I will be busy learning the ropes at ABT and learning a lot of new choreography. I’m already jittery thinking about it.

 

When Jase pulls the car around to the departures drive, I can feel the fear in the pit of my stomach. I tighten my hold on Jase’s hand, and when I do, he looks over at me. “You’re going to be fine. Everything is working out the way it should.”

 

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