“I’m not upset. I understand that she’s your friend. I’m sorry I ever put you in that position.”
“Sweetie,” he says as he rolls his head to the side to look at me. “I love you. Even though I haven’t been a good friend to her, I would have done that to anyone for you.”
I smile at his words. There isn’t any way I could ever express exactly how much they mean to me. Jase has always been so selfless with me, and I try to give back to him what he gives to me.
“So, what did she say?” I ask.
“She just talked about you. How hurt she is. How much she misses you. She wanted to know what’s going on in your life. I told her about Ryan and that you’re really happy with him.”
As I nod my head, he adds, “If you won’t talk to her, then I think you should at least start spending some time back at your place.”
“Yeah . . .okay.”
I sit back on the couch next to him and rest my head against his shoulder. After a few minutes pass, Jase switches topics and asks me about the gallery show at Thinkspace on Friday night. Ryan’s photograph will be on display and up for sale. Jase and Mark are going along with some of Ryan’s friends as well. I haven’t told Jase that the photo is of me. I don’t want anyone to know, and Ryan doesn’t either.
“So what time should Mark and I be there?”
“It starts at eight, so anytime around then.”
“Sounds great. And when are you guys heading out to Oregon?”
“We’re going to leave the next morning. I’m not sure when we’ll be coming back. Ryan wanted to leave it open. He’s taken the week off, so we will just play it by ear.”
“Mark and I will be around, so when you get back, let us know.”
“I will.” Sitting up on the couch, I turn to look at Jase and say, “Hey, you wanna go down to Peet’s and grab a coffee? We can walk around some of the shops.”
“Yeah, let’s get out of here. Give me a second to throw on another shirt.”
We spend the next couple of hours shopping around the vintage stores on Fremont after stopping by Peet’s. While we roam around, I think about what Jase said. I know I need to talk to Ryan and let him know that I should go back home. I never intended on staying at his place for as long as I have. We just kind of fell into it. I love him, and I love being there, but I have my own place and a friend that I sort of abandoned, even though we aren’t really talking and haven’t been for months. I can’t tell her about Jack. After telling Ryan, I don’t ever want to go through that again. Plus, I’m not even sure of Seth’s connection with Jack. It scares me to think what Kimber would do, being that she is, in a way, linked to him. I don’t know what I can do to salvage my relationship with Kimber, but I do know I should at least try.
?????
I’ve been gone most of the day, so when I return to the loft, Ryan is more than eager to have me back. We spend the rest of the day being lazy and listening to demos from bands that are trying to get spots at Blur. I know I need to talk about going back home, but I know Ryan isn’t going to like that idea very much. I’ve spent most of the evening putting it off.
Ryan pulls me out of my thoughts when he says, “Something’s been bothering me today.” When I walk across the room to Ryan, who’s sitting on the couch, he holds out his arm and tugs me down onto his lap. “I’ve never seen you dance.”
“Oh . . . yeah, I guess not. But you will in May when we have our production. You’ll see me a lot. I have three ensembles plus my solo.”
“It just bothers me that there is a huge part of your life that I’ve never seen.”
“Well, I can grab some videos at the studio of past performances. They have also recorded some of our studios this year. Would that suffice for you, watching me on video?”
Grabbing me behind my waist and neck, he flips me back onto the couch and just before he buries his head in my neck, he says, “Nothing about you will ever suffice for me. I’m always gonna want more.”
So I give him more, right there on the couch. Truth is, I feel the same way. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of him. Tonight, he’s more playful with me and being able to giggle while we make love, I realize that he’s finally giving me pieces of myself that have been missing for a long time. I relish in the closeness we have.
Ryan wraps us up in a blanket as we lie in each others’ arms on the floor. Stroking his hand lazily up and down my back, we chat about random nonsense and continue with our fun banter from this morning. But I know I need to be honest and talk to him about what’s been on my mind all day.
With hesitation, I say, “Ryan, I ran into Kimber today. She was leaving Jase’s when I walked into his building.”
“Did you guys talk?”
“She just asked where I’ve been, and I could tell she was hurt. Jase told me she reached out to him and that she’s really upset.”