“Are you happy?”
This question throws him, he looks out the windshield straight ahead and it seems he’s calming himself before he answers. “I think you’re the first person who’s stopped and asked me that. All this time, people who’ve known me forever, you’re the only one. The answer is...sometimes. I’m happy right now.”
“Why now?” My hands fidget nervously in my lap and I chew my lip, perhaps I’m digging too deep.
“Because I’m with you; I’ve been with you all day. The way you talk to me so openly, you make me feel alive, seen. I know you see me.”
We pull up to my dorm but the last thing I want to do is get out. He turns in his seat to face me, his eyes drifting to my lips and back, unashamed. Dane’s talking and I’m like a sponge, but I really do need to get inside and to bed. “You coming up to their room? We can walk up.”
“Not tonight, I have to go home. But I’ll walk you to the door.”
When we get there, he stops and grazes my face with his fingertips. I think he may want to kiss me, but I’m not going to let that to happen. It’s way too soon for me. But he doesn’t, he just takes me all in, stroking my cheek.
“See me tomorrow,” he says. “I’ll let you plan it.”
I laugh. “You make wonderful plans. Stop, we covered that. But I have ball until six tomorrow, then probably homework. Why don’t you text or call me and we’ll see?”
“I can do that. Thank you for today, Disney.”
“You too, Dane, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I walk inside, giving him a small wave.
In my room, Bennett and Tate are draped across her bed watching a movie. I hate to interrupt, but I really need to get some rest.
“Hey guys, sorry. I’ll be asleep and out of your hair in just a minute.”
“Laney, where were you all day?” Bennett asks me, slightly muffled as her face is buried in Tate’s chest. God, I bet that feels nice; being held.
“Ya, Laney, where ya been?” Tate smirks.
“I was with a new friend, let me show you.” I take the print Dane had made for me out of the envelope and hand it to Bennett, nervous of her reaction.
“Oh my God, Laney, you look gorgeous! You could model, seriously.”
Tate looks over and smiles. “He took you to the studio, huh? You like it?”
The implication in Tate’s question suddenly makes me feel foolish, as though Dane takes all his “projects” there and perhaps all of his lines about how special I am are a crock. Is this his MO and I moronically allowed myself to feel enchanted? God, I must’ve looked like an idiot, modeling like some starry-eyed bimbo.
I’d call and ask him, but they’re in the room and they’d hear me; further humiliation. And Dane doesn’t really owe me an explanation. He’s not my boyfriend; hell, that wasn’t even a date. If I knew him better, I’d have a better grasp on this, on his intentions; but I don’t. I don’t know anyone here really. How did this wonderful day go wrong in seconds? Hadn’t he just remarked how refreshing it was that I’m a girl who talks things out calmly? And yes, usually I am...but right now, I’m irrational. I knew better than to let my guard down, damnit!
“Laney, you okay over there?” Bennett asks. “You can watch the movie with us.”
“No, I’m good, just tired. Don’t mind me.” Bennett’s a good roommate, she’s neat and chips in, doesn’t uber get in my way, but I need my time, my sanctuary. I roll towards the wall and pop my earbuds in, but as I lay there, my anger and mortification brews and brews, so under the covers where the lovers won’t see me, I text Dane...
Laney: I feel like a fool.
Dane: What are you talking about?
Laney: Photo shoot...me...I don’t feel pretty anymore, I feel like a jackass.
Dane: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Where is this coming from?
Laney: Nvmnd, prbly overreacting. Night.
I rip out my earbuds and turn my phone completely off. Great, now I can hear them mumbling and Bennett intermittently giggling—how bad would it hurt to just pierce out my eardrums? Probably pretty bad, so I jam a pillow over my head.
Chapter Twenty-Two
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OUT IN THE COLD
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Laney
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I ignore Dane’s calls and texts all day, and there weren’t any from Evan to ignore, so tonight’s practice is just what the doctor ordered; I have a lot to work through. Actually, I have a lot of “lack of” to get out—lack of boyfriend, Evan, lack of communication with best friend, Evan, lack of dignity about being Dane’s puppet, lack of silence from two people going at it like rabbits in my room...ya, college rocks. GO EAGLES!