When I close my eyes at night, our farewell plays on a reel in my mind that I can’t escape. We kissed goodbye a hundred times. We held each other with desperation, tears streaming down my face, and finally we headed down our own paths. Just like that, as quickly as our love came out in the open, it crawled back in the shadows; the shortest fairytale ever written.
Also haunting me...the last letter from my “admirer.” It was waiting in my lobby mailbox my first day, postmarked Savannah, GA, mailed three days prior. A congratulations card with a personal message: “Good luck at college, Laney Jo! Be a great as I know you are!” I’m trying to remain positive. It was mailed, which means he’s not here.
My classes seem good and softball weight training starts next week. The girls on the team I’ve met so far seem nice, and I’m chalking up my lack of enthusiasm to a new team and new girls. Most days I rely solely on my massive iTunes account and earbuds to offer solace.
My roommate’s name is Bennett, and so far she seems like a very cool girl. She reminds me a lot of Kaitlyn, which helps; so far we get along great. Bennett is a drama major and I’m already quite sure it was the perfect choice for her. Everything is “worth talking about” to her, and almost anything, including the wind, a chair, you name it...can elicit “a feeling.” She’s quickly turning into my saving grace; her flamboyance and whimsical charm often distract me from feeling completely alone.
“What are your plans this weekend, girl?” She’s sprawled across her bed, which I have nicknamed Crayon Box because it is the size of one and encompasses every color I know, and some I don’t.
“Nothing great. Evan’s got speed camp, so I won’t be seeing him, yet again. Why, what’s up?” I’ve told her a bit about Evan, as much as I’m willing to tell someone I’ve known for two weeks.
“Welllll,” the drama major drags out for effect, “I think we should do the Hall Crawl Friday night.”
“What’s the Hall Crawl?” I’m not expecting to even halfway like the answer.
“It’s like a meet and greet through the whole dorm. The boys’ rooms are open, and they serve snacks, drinks, play music, whatever. All the girls start to their left of their own room, and when they announce over the intercom, you go to the next room till you’ve made it through the whole dorm!”
“K...couple questions, in order of importance of course. Do we actually have to crawl?”
“No, silly goosehead, that’s just a cute name.”
Ok, I feel minimally better. “Well, that’s a bonus.
Do they hand out rape whistles?”
“Laney, all doors have to stay open, and roommates go in pairs. It’s a tradition, and they wouldn’t still have it if anything had ever happened. You worry too much.”
“Are you still gonna do it if I don’t?”
“I don’t know if I can do it alone. I think it’s a rule to go in pairs. But if I can, absolutely. “
I knew that was coming, and there’s no way I’m letting her to go by herself, nor do I want to be the reason she can’t do it... “Okay, Friday night? What time?”
“Starts at seven.”
“You owe me big, Bennett.” Yup, she’s a lot like Kaitlyn.
“Hey,” he answers huskily. Hearing his voice settles me. I close my eyes to center on this sense. I need what I can have of him to infiltrate me, to bathe me in comfort.
“Hey, you, whatcha doing?” Getting it out takes effort, my throat is constricted.
“Just leaving practice, gonna swing by and get something to eat. You?”
“Nothing, just missing you. I was thinking today how we’ve never gone this long without seeing each other before.”
“I know, I feel it, too. Soon though, I promise. I’ll make it to you soon.”
I shudder at the crack in his voice. His pain is my pain. “Maybe I could make it to you?”
“Well, you know I have speed camp this weekend. I mean, I’m done mid-Sunday, but that doesn’t allow for the drive. I can’t miss class Monday.” His sigh breaks my heart even further.
“It’s okay, we’ll figure out something soon. So, have you seen Kaitlyn around?” I attempt cheerfulness. I know he’s as frustrated as I am, so I force a subject change.
“I actually haven’t yet. Tell her to text me so we can meet up and say hey.”
“Will do, I need to call and catch up with her anyway, maybe invite her down for the weekend. You think she knows how to hall crawl?”
“What the hell is Hall Crawl?”
Oh good, I’m not the only one who didn’t know. “Well, before you panic, there’s no actual crawling. Apparently it’s like open house night, where all the girls follow a pattern and go meet all the guys. They keep their doors open and serve snacks and drinks.” It sounds even more pathetic when said out loud.
“And you’re doing it?”
“Looks like it. I don’t want Bennett to do it alone, which she will if I refuse. Anyway, they’ve been doing it for years, so I guess it will be okay.”
“I don’t like it, Laney. The thought of you going to visit every guy’s room in the dorm doesn’t give me the warm fuzzies.” He sounds mad.
“Ok, why exactly do you feel that way? I’ve already thought about the danger aspect. The resident advisors are in the building.” I understand his concern, I had it initially, but it’s been covered.