I sigh. Should I go on? “I don’t want us to grow apart, Evan. I’m going to miss you so much.”
And cue the waterworks...again. When did I turn into such a girl? Oh that’s right, when he started making me feel like one.
“Oh, please don’t cry. It kills me.” He wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer to his side. He smells like my Evan, he feels like home. “I don’t have to go, Laney. I swear. I’ll back out right now. I don’t ever want to be the reason you cry, baby.” His usual vibrant blue eyes are stormy as he places a tender, lingering kiss upon my lips.
I know he means it, too. He’s suggested different plans and beats himself up daily that we won’t be together; life sounded perfect when we assumed I’d be going to UGA. He could red shirt at Southern, I could work and just pay to go with him, without ball, maybe walk on next season...we’ve talked about lots of options, but decided it just didn’t make sense to add the strain when classes limit our time together anyway. Not sure there’s a lesser evil, but we think we’ve picked it. I’ve had to reassure him several times that I’ll be safe. Whatever spineless guy has a crush on me here won’t stalk me to college, surely.
I breathe his scent in deep, letting it balm my shaky soul, and try to slow my tears. I’ll never be the girl who makes him give up his future for me.
“God no, Evan, don’t even talk like that. We’ve been through this, and I shouldn’t have brought it up again. You’re gonna go and be great, and we’ll see each other every chance we get.”
I have more to tell him, something I’ve decided and thought a lot about. If it’s plaguing me now, imagine how it will be when he’s actually away from me. I refuse to turn into the nagging, insecure, jealous pain in his ass...I’d rather let him fly and remember the girl I am now.
“Evan, let’s be real for a sec. I gotta get this out.”
He looks at me like he knows I’m about to drop a bomb. Good call.
“Let’s not turn into a cliché, let’s be open about it. We both know you’ll be the hot new football star and girls will throw themselves at you. The temptation will be a constant pressure dragging you down. One night, at a frat party, maybe you’ll get too drunk and sleep with one of them. Everyone around you will be getting laid constantly. I don’t expect you to be superhuman.” I’m being too harsh, I know it, but damnit, I want worst case scenario hashed out. I DO NOT want this to ever be my reality, sneaking up on me like I’m a na?ve idiot who lives in Never Never Land. I inhale a slow, calming breath and reach out my shaky hands to embrace his. “You’ll regret it and debate whether or not to tell me. I’ll find out anyway, blah blah blah. I wouldn’t forgive it, Evan, and not only would we be over, so would our friendship. Let’s just start college as best friends, with no unrealistic commitments or expectations, and see what happens. I’d rather our eyes be open and not hurt each other. That’s not who we are; we don’t hurt each other.”
Evan pulls back from me, jaw clinched tight. I can’t quite read his face, but it’s obvious I’ve hurt him. That’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid, a huge hurt we could never fix. He opens his mouth, but then snaps it shut, open, closed.
”Evan, I know I’m kinda being a bitch. And yes, I’m assuming the worst of you and putting words in your mouth, or girls in your bed, so to say, but I can’t sit back and wait to live out an episode of Gossip Girl. It would literally kill me.”
I try to move closer to him, but he backs away from me, without a word, and walks away.
“Evan?” My shaky voice squeaks out through the silence.
Nothing; he just keeps walking.
Chapter Nine
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SPEECHLESS
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EVAN
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Did that just happen? Is this real life? Of course it is, only life could pull off such sick irony.
I’ve worked my whole life to keep my nose clean, get good grades and push myself to be the best football player I can be. And right when all that hard work starts to pay off, it jeopardizes the only thing in life I’ve worked harder for...Laney Jo Walker.
Does she honestly believe I’d cheat on her at college? And why would she give me a free pass? Is this so she doesn’t have to stay committed to me? Of course it isn’t, she’s never even kissed another guy! What the hell is she thinking then? Why is she doing this? How do I fix it?
This is because of her mom, it has to be. Laney doesn’t trust easily. She doesn’t put herself in any position where she sees a chance of real hurt. That’s why we’re here right now.
I just walked away from her. I never do that, but I honestly had no idea what to say, or what not to say.
Shouldn’t I be pissed that she thinks I’ll go all manwhore? When do I ever assume the worst of her? Never.
I have literally never been so absolutely at a loss in my whole life. Clearly it’s time to call in back up...so I go find him.
“Dad, can I talk to you?”