Every Soul

Arion emerges and asks, “Do we really have to go?”


“Yeah, look at the time. Besides, don’t you have work today?”

“Oh shit, I have to be there at noon.”

I can’t help, but laugh at her as she scrambles to get dressed.

“Why don’t you just call in?”

“No way, I’m the boss. I’ll just be a little late. You think I could work in these clothes?” she asks.

“Fuck no,” I blurt out as she looks at me in her skintight, white jeans.

“You’re right, let’s go.”

We fly out of the hotel and get the car from the valet. Thankfully, we’re at the right time to miss the really heavy traffic. But it’s New York, so it’s never really light.

I make the drive in great time and pull up to Arion’s in just under an hour.

“I’ll call you tonight,” she says, leaning over and kissing me quickly on the lips. But I can’t let her go that fast and I hold her face, keeping our mouths together a moment longer. She looks at me smiling before hopping out of my car and I watch until she’s safely inside. I hate to pull away, but I have to.

Once I’m home, I enter and the noise of the TV catches me off guard. ESPN is doing coverage for the upcoming draft. As I read the scroll bar on the side, it says Conner out, will Adams be the top point guard? Anxiously I sit down, waiting for the broadcast to get to my story. The announcers go over Conner’s injury and then debate if I’ll be the top point guard in the draft.

One of the announcers talks about how he thinks I don’t have a chance and that I’ll fall in the draft considering I haven’t played in the past few months. The other has a different opinion though, going on about the raw talent I possess and how you never lose that. Then they show a reel of highlight clips from some of my best games. Watching myself on the screen is something I haven’t seen in a while and it…excites me.

God, I really miss the game. I miss the guys and the camaraderie we shared when we played the game at such a high level. I miss the roar of the crowds and how my body felt the next day; bone tired and completely satisfied that I’d played my heart out. It was the best. I listen intently, happy inside that watching myself sparks something – I do still fucking give a shit. It’s always been my dream, and for a short period of time I turned my back on it. But I think I now know what I have to do. As the debate ends and the guys never bring up Kinsey or why I’ve been out, I think I might have a shot at this.

Pulling my phone out, I make the call Arion promised I would. James answers right away. “I always knew you wouldn’t let this dream go.”

“Don’t jump ahead of yourself. Maybe I called to tell you I’m not interested,” I retort back at him.

“Come on, Bain, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You know this is what Kinsey would want you to do.” Hearing him bring her back up and how she would want me to do it, brings a weight over my body. Grief instantly replaces the thoughts that I could play ball again. Even though it would disappoint her, I’m not ready. there’s still so much that is going on, I just don’t think I can do this right now.

“Bain, are you there? Can you hear me?”

“Yeah…I’m here. Sorry. Listen can I call you later?”

“Nope, there’s no need for that. I’ll see you in an hour at the Jefferson Four-Forty for lunch.”

“James, I don’t think I can get there today.”

“You can and you will. Don’t bullshit me, son. Did you see the news?”

“Yeah, I did,” I grumble, hating to be spoken to like a rebellious teen. I guess it is a bit my fault for calling him.

“So you’re coming then?”

I agree to go, because it’s only a conversation and James is just trying to help. He’s always wanted what’s best for me and maybe he can help me figure out just what that is. Plus for a brief moment, watching myself play sparked something inside of me. We hang up and I head into the restroom, looking at my blank expression in the mirror.

Instinctively, I pull open the drawer that contains all of my pill bottles. Jesus Christ, I’m a goddamn mess. I really don’t have time for that shit, but I can’t get through this conversation sober. I know if I do this and agree to get back into basketball, I’ll have to be done with these forever. But I’ll worry about that then. Fuck, maybe I can make it through the day on just this one pill and then dwindle the cravings down slowly over the next few days. Opening my drawer, I take a Hydro.

Checking the time on my watch, I hop in the shower and change, not wasting a second to allow myself to change my mind, before jumping back in the car. The Four-Forty is a bit of a drive from my house, so I text James and let him know that with traffic, I’m running a bit late. He texts back that he’s already got us a table.

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