I blink a few times trying to process why. “Fuck, you have a boyfriend, don’t you?”
“NO!” she counters. “It’s not that at all. It’s me, it’s my past, and because of it, sleepovers are off limits. They complicate things and quite frankly, are more intimate.”
“Why are you like this?” I ask confused. If she’s that into sex, why doesn’t she want to spend the night together?
“It’s a really long story.”
“Well, I have all the time in the world,” I respond, a little annoyed.
She looks at me a little unsure and I actually feel bad for the sarcasm that was laced in my tone. “In all seriousness, you can tell me. I promise I won’t judge you.”
She nods her head as she begins, “I lost my fiancé about seven months ago. He’s a marine.” She corrects herself. “He was a marine, and after the news that he died, I just didn’t know how to cope. I fell into a depression, and one night when I was drunk, had a random hook up with one of my roommate’s friends. I realized then that sex could be a release, almost a way to let go and forget the pain for a little bit. Honestly, Bain, I don’t normally do dinners or anything like this, but you made it impossible to say no.”
“Fuck, Arion.” Those are the only two words I get out. How in the world do I respond to that? Her honesty completely catches me off guard. Here I am being a complete prick, wanting to spend the night together, thinking more about myself, when she’s been through hell. She is so strong, considering everything she’s endured. The waiter sets down our meals and when she looks at her food, she smiles. “You like it?” I ask.
“Yes, it’s perfect.”
“Good. Listen, I’m sorry I was rude,” I begin to say, spreading my napkin on my lap, but she cuts me off raising her hand.
“You weren’t rude. I totally get that my quirks are frustrating. Fuck, I would feel the same way if I were you. I just wanted you to know that it has nothing to do with you.”
“Well, I appreciate the honesty. I really do. Probably more than you realize, and I’ll respect your decisions, whatever they may be.”
Her smirk is back as she glances at me out of the corner of her eye. “Thank you.”
“She looks good, don’t you think, son?”
I nod my head answering my dad’s question as we drive back from visiting my mom in Virginia. He reminds me of a little kid, hanging on to so much hope that she’ll make it through this without relapsing. I myself am more of a realist and know that a high percentage of alcoholics will relapse within the first year alone. I can’t imagine what that would do to him.
“You’re quiet today. Is everything all right?” he asks.
“Yeah, I’m good. I’m just lost in my own head.”
“It’s an easy thing to do. Listen, I have a convention is Seattle this weekend. Will you be all right while I’m gone?”
“Dad, I’m twenty-two. I’ll be fine.”
“I know, I just worry about you.”
And I know right where this is going. He’s worried that I’m going to hurt myself like Kinsey did. Well, that’s not me. It’s not something I would ever contemplate doing.
“I’ll be fine, I promise.”
He looks over at me and smiles.
“Thank you.”
I couldn’t imagine putting him through that pain after experiencing it myself and seeing what it did to both him and my mom. Resting my head back, I close my eyes.
Then my phone vibrates and I see a new text from Arion. I haven’t heard from her since I dropped her off after dinner. I wanted to fuck her so badly that night, but I respected her wishes of no overnight visits and it was late, so I was a gentleman. Since then, I have given her some space.
You doing all right? I haven’t heard from you, her text reads.
Yeah, I’m okay. Handling more family business, plus I wanted to give you a little space.
I don’t need space, Bain. In fact I need the opposite.
Now I’m completely confused. How does this work? I can’t have feelings, we can’t stay the night together, and she’s fresh off of losing her fiancé, but she wants me all up in her business?
Please clarify for me what you need, because I’m fucking confused.
I need you to not fall in love with me or ask me to spend the night with you. Apart from that, I’m down for anything. I wanna fuck. I wanna see you completely naked. I wanna feel your cock inside of me.
Are there other rules?
No.
Can we fuck other people?
If you want to, yes.
Jesus. What kind of girl says shit like that? This is something that most guys would die for. I’m not sure what to do, or how to handle her. I guess with my dad going away for the weekend, I could put the ball in her court.
I live on 118 Riverview Terrace Way; I’ll have the house to myself this weekend. You’re welcome to come by any time you want.