“Oh, you know how she is. She’s as crazy as ever. She seems to be in a really good place though. She loves her job and there’s a lot of potential there. Enough about Aubrey and I. How are you two?”
Both Barb and Jeff look at each other. “Things are okay. We both started counseling and it’s helping.” They look at me and I know exactly where this is going. I won’t be rude to Jeff or Barb – they are like parents to me – but counseling is not something for me and that’s all there is to it. There’s no point for me to talk about my problems. Nothing is going to bring Nate back, no matter what. Reality is reality. There are no magic words a psychologist can tell me to help with the pain. I have my own way of dealing with things. Some might not agree, but for me it’s all I’ve got.
I swear if I have to say “Welcome to Starbucks” one more time, I’m going to pull my hair out. Glancing at the clock, I’ve been here for almost six hours with no break, no food, and not one goddamn cigarette.
I don’t know why, but for some God unknown reason it’s been crazy busy. I keep glancing at the front door because I know Jason will be here any minute. It feels like forever and customer after customer after customer ’til he finally arrives. Thank God.
“Hey, how are—”
I cut him off before he can finish his sentence. “I gotta take a break before I can answer that question.”
He smirks at me. I walk away and hear both him and Sasha laughing at me. I want to tell them to get to work, because my nerves are shot and I’m fucking starving, but once I emerge outside, it’s bright and surprisingly warm, and the sun on my skin calms me. I take a seat on the curb next to the building and light a cigarette, inhaling the first drag as deep as I can, holding it before I exhale. Leaning back, I close my eyes. My thoughts are blank – dark. There’s nothing to them and that’s the way I like it.
That is ’til I sense someone staring at me. Opening my eyes, the sun shines in my face, blocking the person looking down on me. All I can see is an outline.
“You should stop smoking,” he says.
The voice sounds familiar and as he moves, I recognize him right away. It’s Bain. He sits next to me, touching my side. My heart begins to race at the closeness and I feel clammy. Suddenly I become a little mortified for what I did last night and just stare at him goggle-eyed. Jesus, he’s fucking gorgeous. Like, drop-dead, make-a-girl-lose-her-words gorgeous.
“How are you?” he asks.
I shrug my shoulders, resting my head in my hand and lean forward.
“Really? That good?” he asks.
Nodding my head I glance at him, he narrows his eyes at me. “So now you’re the one that’s at a loss for words. How’s it feel?”
“I’m…I’m not…I just didn’t expect to see you here, that’s all.” Finally I settle on that statement wondering what the hell is wrong with me.
“Well, you just stole my words. I was shocked when I pulled up and saw you sitting here,” he says rubbing the back of his neck leaning down. “So this is where you work?”
Again, I nod my head. Not really understanding why he has this effect on me. His presence shuts me down, which is not like me. I mean, last night I was the one in control.
“Seriously, Arion? Where’s that mouth of yours?”
“It’s here,” I whisper.
“Talk to me.”
I contemplate how to handle this. I should push him away and tell him to fuck off. He’s stirring something inside of me that I’ve kept hidden for a long time. Looking at him, my stomach flutters like it did with Nate. It makes me feel disloyal, because my heart beats like it used to when he was around. Last night when I was drunk, I felt none of this, then today it hits me like a ton of bricks. Out of nowhere, the words expel themselves from my mouth of their own accord, “I’m not looking for a relationship.”
“Whoa, don’t get ahead of yourself, girl. Who said anything about a relationship? You act like that’s what I want.”
His words cut through me, but we are ultimately on the same page, which is what I want. The door behind us opens and Sasha pokes her head out. “Oh, sorry to bug you, Arion, but the stupid espresso machine is broken again. Could you fix it?”
I stand to head in and look down at Bain, sitting on the sidewalk looking up at me. I know I should just walk away, or say good-bye…but I can’t. “You coming in?” I ask him.
Giving me a sly smile, he stands up now looking down at me and says, “You were taller last night.”
“How would you know? I was on my knees,” I tease him and walk to the struggling espresso machine.
What is it with this chick? Within five minutes of being around her, my dick is at half-mast and I have to think about basketball to keep it under control. This is something I’ve never had to deal with.