He calls me again and this time I sink down into the water, keeping my eyes tightly shut, but…I open my mouth and scream as loud as I can. I need a release. It’s therapeutic. There’s something about letting everything inside of you out, that’s so…calming. Slowly I slide up for air, hoping for clarity and the answers, but instead I come up with heavy breaths and my phone is still ringing. I can’t avoid Nate forever; he’s relentless. For now though, I’m holding out.
I take another drink of wine and decide to get out of the tub. I’ve had far too many glasses and am starting to get light-headed, plus the heat of the water isn’t helping the situation at all. As I stand and dry myself, I do wish Nate was here. I love the way he watches me. So intently and interested in everything that I am doing, but it’s also a shame that he broke my trust. It was so fucking fragile to begin with.
As the depth of the situation that we are in swirls in my head, I wonder if anything that we have is real. For all I know, he is seeing that girl too and he’s been with her all along. I pray that he isn’t. I don’t want to think that he would just string me along. But…maybe he would. What do I really know about him anyways?
After all, I didn’t even know about her. I thought that the last person he had been with was Arion. The wine is settling in and my body is so relaxed. I let my towel drop to the floor and get into my bed. As confusing as everything has been, I still miss Nate, his arms around me, his soft lips on my skin, and the noises he makes as he falls asleep…
Suddenly, I wake to loud banging and the faint sound of my name. I’m disoriented and it takes me a minute to pull my thoughts together. The banging continues and I realize that it’s my front door. Getting up, I grab my towel from the floor and stumble to answer it.
Glancing out the peephole, it’s Nate. Instinctively, I open the door. He looks exhausted, but so sexy.
“What the fuck, El?” he questions me, barging inside and closing the door behind him. “I’ve been calling you for hours. Thank God you’re all right.”
“I’m sorry,” I clear my throat. “I fell asleep after a bath and didn’t hear my phone.”
“Is everything okay?” he asks, clearly worried.
I nod my head and walk to my couch. I’m not about to get into the details of the mindfuck that I’ve been living.
He sits next to me, making sure that we are touching. “I’ve been so worried about you.”
“I didn’t mean to worry you.”
“I’m just glad you’re okay,” he says pulling my body against his. I give right in, nuzzling as close to him as I can. He smells breathtaking; his scent calms me giving me a sense of comfort. Could he really be lying to me?
“Listen, I need to tell you something.”
I nod my head, already sick to my stomach. What in the world could he need to tell me now?
“I saw Andrea today.”
Right away, anger consumes me. He did what? Sensing that I’m pissed, he cups my cheeks. I try and pull away but he holds me close to him. “Hear me out. I told her she has to stop contacting me. I’ve told her before, but this time I made it clear.”
Pushing his hands away, I get up and walk away from him. He fucking lied to me – again. “What’s the matter, El?”
“Are you that fucking dumb?” I ask keeping my distance.
“Come on, I’m trying to be honest with you.”
“Are you?” Rage pulses through my head. I’m in a daze; this is just like the situation I was in with Alex all over again and I hate myself for letting things get here.
“Of course I am.”
“Nate. If you were, then you would have told me before you saw her.”
He looks down at the ground and barely nods his head. He knows I am right. I really don’t care what he told her, I just can’t believe he’s up and seen her again, regardless of the supposed reason.
“You should’ve told me. Maybe I would have wanted to confront this girl with you. To get the point across.”
“Would you?” he asks in a somber tone.
“Of course I would. But you didn’t give me that chance.”
“It’s better you didn’t,” he whispers under his breath.
“Excuse me?” Irritation has the best of me right now. I never knew that Nate could piss me off so badly. Before he can answer, fury takes over and wants him out. “Nate, you need to leave!” I shout.
“What? No!” he yells in return.
“Yes, you’re being an asshole.”
“Baby, I’m not trying to.” He walks to me and I back step doing my best to hold my towel up ’til I am against the wall. “Please don’t be this way. Let me explain things, okay?”
“You did.”
“Stop!” he says, pressing his lips against my neck. I freeze, my senses heightened. “Just listen to me. Don’t run or fight me, please?” he begs. His eyes are as genuine as ever. I reluctantly stop fighting him and he takes my hand, walking me back to the couch.
“She has a boyfriend and he found out about her and I.”
He pauses and stares at a lone string on my towel. Twisting it between his fingers.
“Did you know she had a boyfriend?” I ask. He nods his head. “Fuck, Nate.” I’m so pissed off, I can’t even believe that he did that. I’m done.
“I’m sorry, El. Please calm down.”